# Dopers who lived together before marriage **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 5, 2011, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368 "2011-06-05T04:18:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/21 "2011-06-06T02:37:48Z")
We saved it for the first time we walked over our threshold as man and wife. Poor man almost threw his back out. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/22 "2011-06-06T02:46:33Z")
I always associated the practice with the “bride as property” or “kidnapped bride” ideas. It’s not really my style. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/23 "2011-06-06T03:41:07Z")
Nope. My wife specifically insisted that I not even try it. For one thing, she’s somewhat reubenesque, and was afraid that I’d hurt my back if I tried. For another, she apparently has always has been uncomfortable about being carried. No big deal to me, one way or the other. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/24 "2011-06-06T03:52:40Z")
We were sort of living together. We had separate rooms at the East West Center at the U of Hawaii but always stayed together in one of them, so I guess that counts. (Usually her room, as it was bigger, but we had to make do in mine if I was on call at night in that era before cellphones. I was housing staff and sometimes had to handle late-night emergencies.) But when we did get married here in Bangkok, I made it a point to carry her over the threshold, just for grins. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/25 "2011-06-06T10:54:28Z")
Lived together for about a year before marrying. I carried her over the threshold of our apartment. That was in 1981 (we’re still married). ---
**Author:** ![notquitekarpov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@notquitekarpov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notquitekarpov)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/26 "2011-06-06T11:59:47Z")
Lived together for just over a year in a rental place whilst we house-hunted. Moved into “our” home about a month before the wedding. Did the traditional carrying over the threshold thing on return from honeymoon - she’s only 5’ 3" and 8 stone 10 whilst I’m 6’ 1" and 15 stone so physically a breeze. Did not occur to either of us not to do so - but done in a light hearted way as a bit of a shared joke. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/27 "2011-06-06T12:33:42Z")
> [@inkling](#): > > I lived with the woman who is now my wife for four years before we married. Neither of us has ever carried the other across any threshold. Further, I don’t know any married person who has told me they carried their spouse or were carried across any threshold. I carried my wife over the threshold - we didn’t live together full time beforehand, but were together on weekends. We rented our house about two months before the wedding, and I lived in it for a month, and then she lived in it for a month, which is just how our schedules worked out. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/28 "2011-06-06T15:16:55Z")
I carried my wife over the threshhold of the hotel room door on our wedding night. She shrieked “You’ll drop me!” but we made it through the door safely. No carrying into the house we already owned together the next day though. (we went home for a day before leaving on our honeymoon) ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/29 "2011-06-06T15:26:22Z")
Yes. I carried her over the threshold the day after the wedding when we got back to the apartment which we’d cohabited for five years. Mostly it was a joke, but we did it. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/30 "2011-06-06T15:29:42Z")
I carried the Old Wench over the threshhold of our first apartment, the first house we bought and again when we got home from our wedding 15+ years later. Don’t know why other than it seemed like a good idea at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/31 "2011-06-06T15:32:20Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > You’re such a romantic guy. _swoon_ Hey, you can be sarcastic if you like, but it was a _large combo_, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/32 "2011-06-06T15:45:29Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > If it actually means something significant to you, then go for it, insist if necessary. > > If it’s just another ritual and you’re going through the motions, why bother. Yeah I can see following the protocols for grannies and parents at the wedding, but when you’re alone with each other? Really? > > It would be an empty, meaningless gesture for me, that’s not how I’d want to start my married life, thanks anyway. I got married last summer. I don’t think carrying anybody anywhere _ever_ came up for discussion or even entered into anyone’s head. We would have found it kind silly and pointless. It doesn’t mean anything to anyone in our families. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/33 "2011-06-06T15:52:46Z")
The Druidess and I are cohabiting at the moment-wedding set for August 27. I haven’t carried her over any thresholds yet. However, being somewhat old school–I did the one knee thing to propose–on our wedding night, I intend to carry her over the threshold properly, in the traditional fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/34 "2011-06-06T16:01:22Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Did you carry/get carried over the threshhold of the ftont door? Or is this something people save for the wedding night? No, because my husband was/is disabled and carrying me over anything would not have been possible. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/35 "2011-06-06T17:12:59Z")
I don’t like being picked up, and I don’t like the tradition. My husband knows this. Also, we’d been living together for almost 4 years when we got married. What would have been the point? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/36 "2011-06-06T17:16:48Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Hey, you can be sarcastic if you like, but it was a _large combo_, okay? Hmmmm…compelling argument. Did you remember the wings? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/37 "2011-06-06T17:17:00Z")
Question: what the hell was the point of this tradition anyway? When/why did it start? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/38 "2011-06-06T17:19:40Z")
> [@inkling](#): > > Further, I don’t know any married person who has told me they carried their spouse or were carried across any threshold. Although… Come to think of it, my buddy over-imbibed at his wedding reception last fall and his wife had to drag his drunken ass into their suite. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/39 "2011-06-06T17:46:16Z")
Dragging her over the threshold by the hair is an ancient rite that I think should still be followed. I am not sure clunking her over the head with a club would be acceptable in this sissified society. Traditions should be respected. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368/40 "2011-06-06T20:32:54Z")
I’m not entirely sure what **jsgoddess** would do to me if I tried to carry her over the threshhold, but I don’t think it would end well for me. 😃 I did not do any such thing with my first wife. Neither I nor anyone I’ve been seriously involved with has been much for tradition. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-lived-together-before-marriage/584368.md?page=3)