# Dopers with grown (21+) offspring...what age was the most difficult as a parent? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853 "2015-09-03T20:26:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mixolydian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Mixolydian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixolydian)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/1 "2015-09-03T20:26:27Z")
Mark all that apply - multiple kids and or/multiple years. Ballpark it if you have to… it’ll all come out in the wash. We’ll call age 0 from birth to 1 year old, etc. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/2 "2015-09-03T20:32:43Z")
I clicked 15 before realizing I could have clicked everything from 13 to 21+. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/3 "2015-09-03T20:50:02Z")
The girl was probably hardest for me when she was new…I hadn’t been around many kids, didn’t like them, wasn’t sure if I was going to start. She turned out kind of awesome (not perfect, Girl, so if you’re reading this don’t get the swelled head). The boy has been hardest in his late teens. He’s eighteen now, but the last four years were all about lying, stealing, drugs, anger, etc. Since his son was born last year, he’s doing better…back in school, working nights, and I hope everything is going to turn out well after all. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/4 "2015-09-04T05:14:36Z")
My difficult times have been when they’re newborn, a couple of months around the age of 3.5, and for boys, the late teens. Haven’t raised my girl up all the way yet. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/5 "2015-09-04T05:55:01Z")
My grandfather used to say 1. When they are toddlers you are a maid/housekeeper 2. When they are teens, you are a policeman 3( In their twenties, you are a banker. I suppose each age has its challenges. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/6 "2015-09-04T11:50:32Z")
I don’t think I can choose. I think there are difficult things in every age. Colic in babies makes you wish you’d considered celibacy. A request for help with math homework was pure hell for me. But mostly, they’re worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/7 "2015-09-04T13:11:00Z")
Both of ours were worst around 35, which is so far from the ages listed I didn’t even click on 21+. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/8 "2015-09-04T13:41:06Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > I don’t think I can choose. > I think there are difficult things in every age. > … > But mostly, they’re worth it. Also, with 3 kids, different stages held different challenges for the different kids. But overall, I think I found the grade/middle school years the worst. My kids weren’t the tremendously athletic social butterflies, which seemed so important for social acceptance at that age. And little kids can be so fucking brutal! Once they got to high school, their intelligence was more valued, and they were able to find niches for their interests. At a very young age, we felt they were likely to be more successful as adults than as kids, and that seems to have been the case. I never found the traditional lore to prove true. We had no terrible twos, and whenever encountered (or tolerated) some of the teen behavior you hear about. The biggest stress was that we wanted our kids to be happy, and to develop into independent adults. At each stage there are countless things that cause you to wish your kid were happier. ---
**Author:** ![OffByOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OffByOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OffByOne)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/9 "2015-09-04T13:44:07Z")
39 and she just will not grow up or even admit that she has problems. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/10 "2015-09-04T14:03:21Z")
I don’t think it’s anything to do with the age so I didn’t include it in the poll, but we had a divorce, two kids under two issue for about 6 months where I didn’t think I’d manage to get them to adulthood. Other than that we had a 14/15 yr old blip (I’m all grown up and you can’t tell me what to do!) and a rough 18 yr old few months. In general though there were good days and bad days at every age. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/11 "2015-09-04T14:39:07Z")
**Napier** , **OffByOne** , you’re scaring me! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/12 "2015-09-04T19:12:25Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > **Napier** , **OffByOne** , you’re scaring me! :eek: Calm down. The forties are turning out OK so far. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/13 "2015-09-04T19:59:14Z")
There are three difficult ages of childhood: birth to ten, ten to twenty and twenty to thirty. Not original by me, but after almost 40 years of experience, I can attest to its truth. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/14 "2015-09-04T23:10:39Z")
I don’t know. I don’t they were difficult any age, nor are they yet, although all are in their 40s, happily married, successful with children of their own. Just lucky, I guess. The worst may have been the two months that the youngest suffered colic every evening when he was about 3 months old. Only one of them ever asked for help with their math homework and that was when the middle took an advanced course in linear algebra in college. I answered but my answer was much more sophisticated than required (because he never told that these were real vector spaces). ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/15 "2015-09-04T23:50:25Z")
I never so badly wanted to put a bullet in my brain as when my son was 18 months to 3 years. He was so quick and into everything. One day I was picking up around the house and I hear a giggle and he was right behind me puling everything back out. He’d tease the dogs unmercifully, lucky I had patient dogs. He’d pull cans out of the cabinet and give them to the rottie so she could bite through them and drip them all over the house. He wouldn’t sleep and he’d sneak out of bed at night. One night I woke up to his giggles, he was downstairs in the kitchen pulling eggs out of the fridge and throwing them at the dogs. Not that the dogs minded. He wouldn’t wear clothes, the second he was outside he’d be whipping them off and throwing them. He’d chase snakes, tease the horse - who also had a lot of patience, but I’d still be running to get him. I couldn’t turn my back for one second or he was into something. He was the happiest little guy you’d ever meet but I was exhausted, I couldn’t get anything done. I’d take him to my mother’s for the weekend thinking I’d come home and clean the house and mow the lawn. Instead I’d sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/16 "2015-09-05T00:07:11Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > I never so badly wanted to put a bullet in my brain as when my son was 18 months to 3 years. > > . I agree, although I never felt like killing myself. But for me the worst time was when he first became mobile until he acquired enough smarts/experience to be trusted on his own for brief periods without killing himself. He wasn’t wild like the post above parts I snipped out, but kids that age have tons of energy and no knowledge of basic physics, so they have to be watched every moment they’re awake. It seems like their goal in life is to suck every bit of energy out of you and leave you an exhausted, worthless shell. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/17 "2015-09-05T00:36:54Z")
Put me down for 18 months -3 years old also. More with my daughter than son. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/18 "2015-09-05T01:05:47Z")
The absolute worst was the year the hormones ramped up in the early teens, but the two years of significant mental development around five weren’t much better. I remember thinking, “This is not a bad day; this will be a bad couple of years.” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/19 "2015-09-05T01:23:21Z")
I’m not voting as my son isn’t yet 21 or older - just 17. But I will share the truism I was often told, which was “boys are hardest when they are little (ie toddler, elementary school) and girls are hardest when they are teenagers.” So far that’s been the case for us - it was REALLY hard being a parent to our son from about age 1 to 9. But now, aside from the stress of college applications which is externally generated and not his fault, he’s a delight. _Definitely_ not perfect, but we have zero worries over the big stuff, like drugs/alcohol, excessive partying, poor grades, etc. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853/20 "2015-09-05T01:25:28Z")
all this is reinforcing why I’m glad I don’t have and will never have kids. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-with-grown-21-offspring-what-age-was-the-most-difficult-as-a-parent/729853.md?page=2)