# Dopers without private messaging: How come? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324 "2013-10-15T16:38:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/1 "2013-10-15T16:38:59Z")
I can understand keeping your e-mail private; just too easy for an e-mail address to go viral and you get spammed, plus the risk of a virus. But why disable private messaging on the SDMB? It’s part of the board software, so shouldn’t have either of those drawbacks. I like being able to send PMs to other dopers, and like getting them; it’s a nice social interaction other than in just the threads. So, what’s the thinking in turning off that option? ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/2 "2013-10-15T16:52:01Z")
Once again, Not everyone is the same. Some hate IMs and never want to see one from anyone, you included. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/3 "2013-10-15T17:52:05Z")
When I was a member of a couple parenting boards years ago members would use PMs to snipe about other members off board. I turned it off because I got tired of getting catty messages from other members who were critical of others’ input. Like “I noticed you were chatting with Miranda, you should do a history search she also advocates putting toddlers to bed with JUICE!!! so take what she says with a grain of salt” and other assorted gossip. In an otherwise helpful online community, that stuff was petty and irritating, so I stopped it. Can’t really see that happening in this forum, but some members may be attempting to avoid drama, confrontation, or flirting. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/4 "2013-10-15T18:20:37Z")
I’ve only gotten like 10 PMs my whole time on the message board, which is a pretty sure indication I’m not interesting or well-liked. The lack of messages has put me into a darkening spiral of self-doubt and depression, which can only be solved by jumping off this moral coil or disabling that feature. Eh, I’ll get around to it next week. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/5 "2013-10-15T18:21:26Z")
I didn’t even know you could turn off the PM function. I rarely get them, but when I do the tend to be nice. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/6 "2013-10-15T18:34:39Z")
We have a PM function? Why? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/7 "2013-10-15T18:39:38Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > We have a PM function? Why? I’ve been PM’d to alert me to a thread of interest, or that someone had ‘summoned’ me to a thread. Because someone wanted something from me (whether offered or asked), because a friend wanted to bitch slap me privately, to compliment me; or for various other reasons. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/8 "2013-10-15T18:40:10Z")
I don’t want to receive PM from people who say, “How come?” instead of “How does it come to pass that?” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/9 "2013-10-15T19:02:18Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I don’t want to receive PM from people who say, “How come?” instead of “How does it come to pass that?” > 🙂 How come?? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/10 "2013-10-15T19:06:21Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > How come?? It may come to pass that I should communicate with folks who don’t talk right. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/11 "2013-10-15T19:10:54Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > How come?? Many varied and interesting ways, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/12 "2013-10-15T19:12:52Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Many varied and interesting ways, thank you. I don’t know who is worse, you for posting this or me for getting it right away. Either way, I laughed, so thanks. ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/13 "2013-10-15T19:13:58Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > It may come to pass that I should communicate with folks who don’t talk right. or u might hv might hv 2 communic8 with ppl who use txt spk ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/14 "2013-10-15T19:22:00Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Many varied and interesting ways, thank you. > [@Tully\_Mars](#): > > I don’t know who is worse, you for posting this or me for getting it right away. Either way, I laughed, so thanks. Oh sure. Don’t share with the rest of us. Let us wallow in our ignorance like the swine that we are. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/15 "2013-10-15T19:23:43Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I don’t want to receive PM from people who say, “How come?” instead of “How does it come to pass that?” > 🙂 Oh no, they used this collection of phonemic transcription symbols instead of that collection which both mean the same thing but one is considered to be part of a more informal register! The shame! The mortifying shame! ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/16 "2013-10-15T19:24:44Z")
I use my email for almost all of my messaging private and for work; pops right up on my phone and I usually answer it right away. For friends that do not have email I text, then again I usually answer right away. PMing and IMing just seem to me to be just another tool that covers what I already have. Doesn’t add to my life or take way from my life if I don’t use that method of communication so for me it’s like meh. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/17 "2013-10-15T19:37:01Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > How come?? I could write a book. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/18 "2013-10-15T20:00:26Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Oh sure. Don’t share with the rest of us. Let us wallow in our ignorance like the swine that we are. 😛 He is referring to a rather low and common term for sexual orgasm. I was going to answer very like that, would thought some smart ass would comment on my reply. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/19 "2013-10-15T20:12:28Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > We have a PM function? Why? To swap addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and other information that you don’t want to be googlable. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324/20 "2013-10-15T21:06:34Z")
Some posters have mentioned getting hostile or stalkery PMs in the past, to the point that people were creating socks just to send them insulting messages, so turning off the PM option nips that in the bud for the rare occasion where it’s necessary. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-without-private-messaging-how-come/671324.md?page=2)