# Dorothy Parker (The Constant Reader)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [December 4, 2002, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413 "2002-12-04T12:31:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 3

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Eggerhaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@Eggerhaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eggerhaus)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413/41 "2002-12-10T17:02:58Z")

</div>

My favorite of DP, paraphrasing:

razors pain you  
rivers are damp  
acids stain you  
drugs cause cramp

guns aren’t lawful  
nooses give  
gas smells awful  
you might as well live

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413/42 "2002-12-10T18:16:27Z")

</div>

Having done some very half-hearted and amateur Googling, I can’t find anything resembling an attribution either. I’m beginning to suspect she never wrote it; either she said it and it got remembered (but not in a published review) or she never said it.

This would make a perfect General Question, wouldn’t it? But if Eve doesn’t know the answer, there probably isn’t one.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413/43 "2002-12-10T20:15:12Z")

</div>

Well, I submitted it to Snopes, it’ll be interesting to see if they can come up with anything. This DOES seem more like a GQ question, maybe someone over there can crack it. This is annoying me more than I can express. My suspicion is that it was in a review that was published in a magazine other than the New Yorker, because I believe she published reviews under the pseudonem Constant Reader in a couple of different magazines. If it was in the New Yorker, I’d think the citation would be really easy to find.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\
**Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413/44 "2002-12-10T20:39:03Z")

</div>

I think my favorite anecdote (apocryphal?) is of her encounter with Clare Booth Luce:

The two women came to a door at the same time.  
Luce said “Age before beauty” motioning for Paker to enter first. As she walked through the door, Parker replied “And Pearls before Swine.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![mcms\_cricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@mcms\_cricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcms_cricket)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413/45 "2002-12-13T22:25:21Z")

</div>

OK, I’ll check the attic this weekend and get the information down - I think I kept track of which New Yorkers I looked at, other sources I checked, etc., etc.,

[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dorothy-parker-the-constant-reader/140413.md?page=2)