# down n dirty oral sex ranting **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 1, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810 "2001-10-01T19:34:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/61 "2001-10-02T05:53:35Z")
Heh…yinz didn’t expect me to not reply to this thread, did yinz? 😃 I love, love, love, love giving oral. Love it. Can’t imagine not loving it. For all the reasons already given…power, taste, sensation, and the little spot in my ego that gets all warm and fuzzy when I can send a guy into shuddering convulsions…mmmmmm… Oh, gosh…it’s four more days until the weekend, isn’t it? _sigh_ jayjay ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/62 "2001-10-02T07:10:07Z")
> [@](#): > > That said, I wish my guy would be more willing to go down on me. He complains that his jaw muscles wear out too quickly. _Sigh_ [announcer voice] Ladies, has your man ever been going down on you and had to stop because of a cramp in his jaw or tongue? Have you ever been on the verge of a toe curling, sheet tearing orgasm only to have your beau quit on you? If you answered yes to either of these questions we at BFH productions have the answers to your prayers. Imagine your man’s delight when he comes home to find that you’ve purchased him the world famous Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub]. By using the Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub] for a mere 20 minutes a day you and your man will be well on your way to orgasmic bliss. There will be no more excuses and most of all, no reason for him to stop just when things are going really good. Before we tell you the price let’s hear from just one of many satisfied customers, Mrs. Mildred Boonswaddle of Detroit Mich. writes: “I had been begging my husband to go down and stay down for years but Bob always would have to stop because of cramps in his jaw. After we purchased the Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub] our sex life improved dramatically and now Bob is just like a deep sea diver, he can stay down for hours. I must say that the Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub] saved our marriage.” So how much would you pay for the world famous Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub]? Boutiques have selling the Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub] for years at $99.99 but we are going to offer you the world famous Lickahoy[sub]tm[/sub] for three easy payments of $19.99. If you order now we’ll throw in the instructional videotape and some music to put you in the mood. “Karioke Fundies” has sold dozens of copies and we will throw it in for free if you order now. Just call 1-800-004-2767 … that’s 1-800-ORG-ASMS. Operators are standing by. CALL NOW! ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/63 "2001-10-02T10:43:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*I’ve never fucked a gecko, or indeed any other lizard. > > this was simply a literary allusion. > > jarbaby \*\* **Damn…** 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/64 "2001-10-02T12:28:13Z")
Chalk me up as another vote for, “A chore? Are you NUTS?” (“Well, if you are what you eat…heh heh heh”) Anyhow… I think receiving cunnilingus is nice and everything…I mean, it feels good…but I’ve only gotten off from it twice in my life (thank you, Tark!!) so it’s never urgent for me to receive it. However…I **love** giving head. Ever since I was a relatively innocent girl of 17 and gave my first real boyfriend his first blowjob, I have enjoyed the hell out of it. I hate the “I’ll only go down on him if he’ll give me head back” or “Well, if I **have** to” mindset. If you don’t want to, then don’t freaking do it. If you do want to, then throw yourself into it like the proverbial “cross-between-a-Jewish-American-Princess-and-a-Taiwanese-Whore”…who can “suck the numbers off a credit card.” This half-assed “Only for _sigh_ YOU, honey” horseshit gives those of us who actually take PRIDE in our work a bad name. Like I said, though, if you don’t want to…fucking DON’T. Shit, how hard is that? “But honey, I reaaaaaaaaally want it.” “But honey, I reaaaaaaaaally don’t want to. And if I reaaaaaaaaaally don’t want to, I might **accidentally** scrape my teeth along it in frustration.” Unless you’re dating a masochist, this will be a deal-breaker. If he IS a masochist, you can say “no” anyhow…“What’s the difference between a sadist and a masochist?” “A masochist says, ‘Hurt me!’ A sadist replies, ‘No.’” 😃 (someone knows too many jokes.) (I’m Jewish, so shaddup about whatever bugfuck “how prejudiced” flim-flam you were thinking of shouting at me.) ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/65 "2001-10-02T12:38:08Z")
Ok, ok, I have a question here. Maybe it deserves a new thread but I’m lazy and I know ppl are reading this one. Are teeth really a problem? The reason I ask is my fiance ASKS me to nibble, not chomp, but nibble, and says he likes it (or he’s faking it pretty damn well). He’s ‘cut’ so maybe less sensitivity is the reason. Input? ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/66 "2001-10-02T12:47:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Feynn \* > \*\* > > Just call 1-800-004-2767 … that’s 1-800-ORG-ASMS. Operators are standing by. > > CALL NOW! \*\* Er… you may wanna check that number… I got asked for an “NCI card number” whatever that is. When I asked for the Lickahoy thing, I was met with confusion. Oh, wait… that was a joke, wasn’t it. Dammit, foiled again. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/67 "2001-10-02T13:08:15Z")
**thinksnow:** Thank you for bringing up the most disturbing part of Jarbaby’s OP. Not liking oral is small potatoes compared to what these women are actually doing. They are LYING to their future husbands about themselves! They are pretending to be something they are not, knowing they will change after the marriage. They are playing a part in a little, twisted, movie in an effort to land a man. It’s disgusting, I don’t even know how to properly convey my feelings. This type of thing makes me wonder if I can ever trust a woman enough to marry her. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/68 "2001-10-02T13:11:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > Jarbaby becomes shocked, and indeed appalled that in the year 2001, the following advice is being given: > > “The nice thing about getting married is, you don’t have to give blowjobs anymore.” > > “No shit. Is there anything grosser than putting a penis in your mouth?” It’s OK for a woman not to like giving head. Many do, many don’t. Either way is fine, so long as you’re honest about it. But this has a simple name. Bait-and-switch. It’s where you advertise one thing, and then it turns out you’re selling something else entirely. There are laws against it, but unfortunately they don’t apply to marriage. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less unethical there. If you’re not going to be who you really are with the person you’re going to spend your life with, then what’s the point? If the primary relationship that the rest of your life is going to be built around rests on a foundation of deception, then your _whole fucking life_ is a lie. I just can’t believe those women. If they don’t want to give blowjobs, fine. But if that’s the way they feel, then the time to not give them started whenever it was that they realized they didn’t want to give them, rather than using them as a supposed foretaste 😉 of married life that will in fact not be part of the package. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/69 "2001-10-02T13:14:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Venoma \* > **Are teeth really a problem?** Only if you use them and your SO would rather you didn’t. Neither myself nor my SO are fond of the ‘pain’ thing…and though she really tries to avoid using her teeth, the simple fact is that her mouth just isn’t very big. [sub]Odd, for a redhead.[/sub] Anyway: though she’s _extremely_ eager to please, she tends to take even well-cushioned constructive criticism as a sign of failure on her part. I don’t really know how to approach the subject without hurting her feelings. Or, ghod forbid, causing her to quit **trying**. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/70 "2001-10-02T13:19:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* > \*\*Geckos? > > You stay away from my bunnies!! > > Oh, and I was raised in a strict Indian family. Sex does not exist. The opposite gender does not have genitalia. Your own are to be ignored. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING. > > No wonder my parents are so pissy. Hell, no wonder I’M so pissy. \*\* Well, **tiggeril** , if there’s anything I can do to help you break that mentality…😉 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/71 "2001-10-02T13:25:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Any suggestions on how to improve my performance would be greatly appreciated. Stick a finger up his butt. I’m serious. Get him greased up with a water-based lube (or Vaseline, if you don’t mean to stick anything else up there; it dissolves latex). When you’re in the middle of blowing him, slowly prod into him with your finger (keep those nails short, dammit! I speak from unhappy experience). Once you’re inside, prod around (gently!) until you find a firm mound on the forward wall of his rectum. That’ll be his prostate. Massage it with your finger; it’ll make a good thing even better. I recently tried this with great gusto with a very sweet Venezuelan of my acquaintance and he went absolutely bananas. If your man totally objects to the Sex Hint You Got From A Gay Guy, then try just greasing up and massaging his asshole with your finger. It’s quite erogenous itself. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by gobear_ > I also am totally into rimming, but only after a thorough shower. Not a lot of guys will do it, but I have never had a guy turn it down! I have! :eek: No, I couldn’t believe it either. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/72 "2001-10-02T13:29:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tattva \* > \*\* > That said, I wish my guy would be more willing to go down on me. He complains that his jaw muscles wear out too quickly. _Sigh_ \*\* I love eating girls out. I get off on it. My record (and I’m damn proud of this) was to go down on a girlfriend for about an hour and a half straight, causing her to cum 27 times (I counted). And I’m always looking to break that record. Any takers? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/73 "2001-10-02T13:30:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysdad \* > I mean, bj’s are cool and all, but I really enjoy being the one who _causes_ the Grand Mal Big O in her. \*\* Wouldn’t that be a _grand bonheur_ instead? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/74 "2001-10-02T13:35:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stoid \* > \*\*Imagine the dick is yours. Treat it accordingly. > \*\* Now THAT, my friends, is a sig line write large. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/75 "2001-10-02T13:39:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pldennison \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Stoid \* > > \*\*Imagine the dick is yours. Treat it accordingly. > > \*\* > > Now THAT, my friends, is a sig line write large. \*\* True dat. It should be also appended to _Deteriorata_. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/76 "2001-10-02T14:23:26Z")
Little Jenny had some questions for her mom. Jenny: "Mommy, when I walked in on you and daddy last week, what were you doing? Mom: “It’s called having sex, dear. That’s where babies come from.” Jenny: “Oh. Well, last night, when you were kissing daddy’s private parts, what was that?” Mom: “That’s where jewelry comes from.” ---
**Author:** ![Suo\_Na](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Suo\_Na](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suo_Na)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/77 "2001-10-02T14:59:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GKW \* > \*\* And I can’t have his dick too far in or nature takes over & I start to gag. > Any suggestions on how to improve my performance would be greatly appreciated. \*\* [This article from alt.sex.wizards](http://www.doe.carleton.ca/cgi-bin/jac_dispatch?hf+alt.sex.wizards+5) might help with the gagging thing. It did for me. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/78 "2001-10-02T15:17:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\* > … My record (and I’m damn proud of this) was to go down on a girlfriend for about an hour and a half straight … > \*\* An old GF and I celebrated our first “night together” by me playfully lapping and licking for _four and a half hours_. Later, when it became apparent that the relationship had other problems, I spent _three years_ trying to break up. Women are like ceramic tile – lay them right the first time… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/79 "2001-10-02T15:20:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Suo Na \* > **[This article from alt.sex.wizards](http://www.doe.carleton.ca/cgi-bin/jac_dispatch?hf+alt.sex.wizards+5)** …will make you go blind **LONG** before masturbation. **BAD** color scheme! **BAD! NO SPANKEE MONKEE!** ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/80 "2001-10-02T16:10:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\*I love eating girls out. I get off on it. My record (and I’m damn proud of this) was to go down on a girlfriend for about an hour and a half straight, causing her to cum 27 times (I counted). And I’m always looking to break that record. Any takers? \*\* My record is 17 in a single session, about 2 1/2 hours. I’ve gotten better over the years, as a perfectionist, and now Moxmaiden can only handle about two or three before she’s climbing the walls and literally fighting to keep me away from her(I have bruises!). ☹ Really disappointing, I’d like to break my record. Right now I’m going for long ones instead of lots of little ones. I’m up to about a minute and a half of stiff-as-a-board-open-mouth-silent-screaming-clawing-the-bed/floor/sofa/desk/table/counter/chair/whatever. I plan to break the two minute mark. Harder than it sounds when she’s got her thighs clamped down on your head and is squirming away from you. 🆒 Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810.md?page=5)