# down n dirty oral sex ranting **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 1, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810 "2001-10-01T19:34:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/101 "2001-10-02T23:45:40Z")
So… **Stoid** … I think we’re all waiting with baited breath for pointers 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/102 "2001-10-02T23:49:03Z")
… ahem. And while I’m attaching a worm to a hook, I will also be **holding** my breath. I meant to say it, really. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/103 "2001-10-02T23:57:28Z")
**Chef Troy** : I’m assuming you knew this about your wife before the marriage? I’m not saying that blowjobs are essential to any stable marriage, but I think that honesty is. I can see how my post might have been a little unclear on that point. Actually, I think the most disagreeable part of the bride-in-question is the idea that giving oral sex is going to be a thing of the past, but she’d better be _getting_ it regular or else. Respect is just as important as honesty, and it sounds like she’s thinking of her prospective hubby as a dildo, not a life mate. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/104 "2001-10-03T00:36:43Z")
But there is also the yoga/tantric style. This relies more on stamina then anything else. Keeping an erection for an hour while the lady sits upon it and doesn’t move, just thinks about the whole “joined circle of being” thing is fairly difficult, but it has worked well for me on several occasions. When it comes you feel it differently because it isn’t at all like the active, pumping, grinding type of release. I guess I shouldn’t be this explicit about my own personal life having had such a short time on the boards, but hey, when in Rome. I second the vote for a relation of Stoid’s experiences, with explicit how-to info if at all possible. 🙂 Steven ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/105 "2001-10-03T12:11:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stoid \* > \*\* Well, today ladies and gentlemen, you see before you a new woman. A woman with a man who is the Arthur to my orgasmic Excalibur. And let me tell ya… there is nothing like it. Nothing. Beats the shit outta oral sex any day, even fantastic oral sex. The first 20 or so times he did it, I ended up in \*\* tears. \*\* And boy did he feel pretty damn special then! > \*\* Hurray for **stoid**! Mostly because MrsB doesn’t really like my lingual technique, and relies on other organs for the big O. And now I get confirmation that this is actually better 😃 :happy man walking: ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/106 "2001-10-03T14:51:49Z")
How important is it that your SO reciprocate after you’ve gone down on them? I would much rather have my SO go down on me for awhile, let me come a couple of times, and then jump on top of me and fuck me. I don’t want to be all worked up only to have him lie back and wait for me to blow him… I want fucked after getting head! A 69 position is a different story because we’re both being pleasured at the same time but I still want fucked afterward. I’m not saying that I don’t reciprocate afterwards… sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, it depends. I just don’t think it should be _expected_! My SO came home late last night, about 11:30, (I was asleep already) took a shower and then proceeded to go down on me. I woke up, of course, pleasantly surprised, let him do his thing, which I enjoyed, and after he was done he just layed back and waited. Well, I’m sorry, but I was f\*\*king tired and I didn’t feel like giving him head and just because he did it to me doesn’t mean I **have** to do it to him! Anyway, he got all pissy and said that if I didn’t want to have sex I should’ve said so before he even started… to which I replied that I _did_ want to have sex but that was about 2 hours ago when he wasn’t home and just because I didn’t blow him doesn’t mean we still couldn’t have sex. Anyway, I’m rambling. Why does he expect me to reciprocate all the time. I’ve given him head hundreds of times and he didn’t return the favor. I don’t expect him to. I give him head because I want him to feel good and I like doing it… I don’t do it because I want him to go down on me in return. Am I wrong for thinking this way? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/107 "2001-10-03T14:52:17Z")
I just can’t get over the fact that _this is the pit_. This thread started as a semi-rant (and IMHO a legitimate complaint), and has been one of the best tempered and fun threads that I’ve seen on the boards. Now if a couple of posters would just announce visiting hours. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/108 "2001-10-03T15:02:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rachelle \* > Am I wrong for thinking this way? 😕 \*\* My apologies. The thread had been idle for a couple of hours so I thought a bit of levity was in order. Then I simul-post with Rachelle. A definitive answer would require knowing a lot more than you’ve told us, but here’s my take. Hubby came home from whereever hoping to get some head. From the moment he got home, his every movement was geared around persuading you to accomodate him. When you declined, he was disappointed and got pissy. Just a thought – would a couple minutes of reciprocation followed by jumping on him have “satisfied” him? ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/109 "2001-10-03T15:29:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rachelle \* > \*\*I give him head because I want him to feel good and I like doing it… I don’t do it because I want him to go down on me in return. Am I wrong for thinking this way? 😕 \*\* I think (and hope) that was kinda a one time argument for you guys. Everyone can be selfish sometimes 😉 Also, sometimes guys can become slightly flaccid while giving head, so it’s nice to give them a bit of help getting back up to speed… which I usually will do for a couple minutes and then say “I’d like to fuck you. Do you mind?” (Most of the time the answer is going to be ‘Hell no!’) I agree, I hate giving head when half awake. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/110 "2001-10-03T15:37:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Just a thought – would a couple minutes of reciprocation followed by jumping on him have “satisfied” him? \*\* Actually, yes it would’ve. My point is that I shouldn’t be **expected** to blow him just because he went down on me. Earlier that day he called me and during our conversation we started talking about having sex that night. The plan was that we were going to do it all last night… oral, anal, vaginal. About 8:00 his nephew called and needed his help with something so he left and said he wouldn’t be gone too long. About 10:00 I got tired of waiting so I went to bed. When he woke me up the way he did I was still half asleep. Not saying I didn’t enjoy it but I was too damn tired to do him. What’s wrong with that? I don’t think it was anything to get pissy about or fight about?!? Again, I’m not saying that I don’t reciprocate. Nine times out of 10 I do but the _one_ time I don’t is the one time he gets pissy about it and forgets the countless other times I have reciprocated! I’m sure he’s still pissed about it right now. It’s 10:35 and he hasn’t called me all morning… usually he’s called 3-4 times already. He’ll be all pissed off until tonight. I’ll give him a blow job and fuck him and he’ll be happy again. Men are so moody! ---
**Author:** ![Rye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e56c9b/32.png) [@Rye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rye)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/111 "2001-10-03T16:22:15Z")
Shit, what the hell is up with men being so goddamn greedy, if he came home in the middle of the night and ate you out, he knows your fucking tired, my god, I can’t believe he expected to get head… Seriously though, you should talk about this, right after blowing him 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/112 "2001-10-03T16:26:14Z")
**Rachelle** : I think he was giving some pretty selfish head if he only did it because he was expecting a bj afterward. It is a little juvenile to think of oral sex as a token that can be cashed-in whenever one wants, without regard to one’s partner’s feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/113 "2001-10-03T16:43:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*As if blowjobs are akin to felting cloth or something? > \*\* I don’t know why I read these threads – as if having the word [duck-lips](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=55273) permanently seared into my cerebellum wasn’t bad enough, I’m now stuck with “felting cloth” as a euphemism for fellatio. I can’t tell whether I’m having my morals eroded or my vocabulary expanded… ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/114 "2001-10-03T16:56:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mtgman \* > \*\* Moxmaiden can only handle about two or three before she’s climbing the walls and literally fighting to keep me away from her(I have bruises!). > I’m up to about a minute and a half of stiff-as-a-board-open-mouth-silent-screaming-clawing-the-bed/floor/sofa/desk/table/counter/chair/whatever._\* Good thing I’m not the only one like that… Mine last for nearly two minutes and leave me completely limp and tingly My ex once tried to give me multiples and I simply didn’t have it in me 😃 As for the original OP, I admit that I used to be very uncomfortable about giving head. I was young, rather inexperienced in all things sexual. I knew my guy would love it, and I really wanted to please him, since he pleased me so wonderfully. I just had to get myself past my mental block of “he _pees_ from that.” I quickly realized that _I_ pee down there and he’s going at it quite happily. The end result, I love doing it. My bf loves it and tells me I’m wonderful… and that ex of mine turned out to be completely incapable of cuming that way [all the while being encouraging in that “i’m sure you’ll get better”]. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/115 "2001-10-03T17:27:06Z")
I’d just like to point out that, as a Moderator for the Pit, part of my job is to try and read every thread that shows up in this forum. Having now just read nearly three pages of women talking about how much they like to give blowjobs, I really need to go write a thank-you note to TubaDiva and Ed Zotti for getting me this gig. And then take a cold shower. [sub]Would it be poor form to state that one lover of mine still refers to the “Corradin Arts” as some sort of ultimate in cunnilingatory technique? Is cunnilingatory even a word? Well, you know what I mean.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![mothman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@mothman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mothman)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/116 "2001-10-03T17:32:53Z")
What technique works best when performed on you? I am a true believer in the “Alphabet” style where I _draw_ the alphabet on her lips and clit with my tongue (I am sure that you are all familiar with this technique). So far (knock on wood - no **not** _that_ kind of wood ;)) it has been met with great success, but I want find something else to surprise GF with. You know, something to add a little sugar to the spice rack, know what I mean, know what I mean -wink wink?! ---
**Author:** ![mothman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@mothman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mothman)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/117 "2001-10-03T17:33:25Z")
What technique works best when performed on you? I am a true believer in the “Alphabet” style where I _draw_ the alphabet on her lips and clit with my tongue (I am sure that you are all familiar with this technique). So far (knock on wood - no **not** _that_ kind of wood ;)) it has been met with great success, but I want find something else to surprise GF with. You know, something to add a little sugar to the spice rack, know what I mean, if you know what I mean -wink wink?! ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/118 "2001-10-03T19:12:12Z")
1. Make sure you have a Masterful Penis [sup]TM[/sup]. Features of a Masterful Penis [sup]TM[/sup] include being of average length and girth at least, and being able to get nice and hard while still maintaining a bit of flexibility at the base. 2. The first time(s) you do it, you will need to make certain that she is very excited before you even start, otherwise you just won’t last long enough. Each woman is different, but for me it means being hyper gentle and slow and teasing until I’m relaxed and floating. Whip out some of that nice oral sex and get her close. 3. Through whatever means work for you, make certain that your gal is comfortable with letting you do this, that she is not going to become tense and uptight thinking that you are getting tired or she’s taking too long or whatever…reassure her that you will take care of yourself, you like what you are doing, and all you want is for her to relax and enjoy. If you DO become overtired or whatever, just gently let her know that you can’t continue right now, don’t let your impatience or frustration show and then tell her its ok. This will not work. 4. As to technique itself…pretty simple, really. The first few tiems I did it were different than it is now, now I can be much more relaxed. But initially, my legs were stretched out straight, no knee bending, barely apart enough to give him room to get in. Basically, align yourself so that in order to slip it in, you have no choice but to slide it down and over her clit first. The part that is sliding over the clit is the top surface and sometimes the head of the Masterful Penis [sup]TM[/sup]. Pull it out, up and over the clit, slide down, over the clit and in. Repeat as needed. Occasionally throw in a few deep straight-in strokes, then go back to the clit-sliding. Make sure your gal is communicative enough to let you know when she’s close and or that she needs faster, slower, whatever. Now, the first time we did this, it still took a really long time. I had to concentrate and focus. He was exhausted. But we did it. That was 6 years ago. We have been practicing ever since. As a result, now that my body is adapted to this, I’m relaxed with it, I know I can do it, it takes virtually no effort at all on either of our parts. My legs can be spread pretty wide, the action can be less concentrated, etc. In fact, these days after I come almost any continued thrusting \* feels \* like it’s across my clit even when it isn’t. That’s how this works, at least for me. It sorta “connects” the clitoral nerves to the other nerves around the opening to the vagina so that stimulation of the vagina communicates to the clitoris much more easily now than ever before. It’s as though there used to be this wall between the two that has now been broken down, and the whole area is responsive in concert. Which produces fucking amazing orgasms. Really extraordinary. So…any questions? stoid Satisfied! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/119 "2001-10-03T19:17:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by John Corrado \* > Having now just read nearly three pages of women talking about how much they like to give blowjobs, I really need to go write a thank-you note to TubaDiva and Ed Zotti for getting me this gig. And then take a cold shower. Well jeez. I think I should get some cunnilingus for starting the thread John. Don’t you? Man, a girl works and slaves to please the pitboss, and then Ed Zotti gets the thank you note. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![warmgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@warmgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/warmgun)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810/120 "2001-10-03T19:52:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blahblahblahblah \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > > And whaddaya know, I discovered that A) it really is tremendous fun to watch a guy’s eyeballs roll back in his head; B) The POWER, my God, it’s intoxicating! C) I actually enjoy doing it; and D) I’m quite good at it. > > \*\* > > I so agree with Geobabe. And the best part is taking every drop. > > Gun, so true isn’t it? \*\* Yes, my dear, quite true. [Homer voice] Blowjobs…Mmmmmm… [/Homer voice] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-n-dirty-oral-sex-ranting/84810.md?page=7)