# Down with zippers! (And not in the good way, either.) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 4, 2003, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001 "2003-05-04T10:18:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/1 "2003-05-04T10:18:20Z")
… Or, “SPOOFE’s _There’s Something About Mary_ Moment”. Yeah, I was having an intimate moment with my girlfriend. And she was taking my pants off. And Lil’ SPOOFE got… ah… _pinched_ just a tad in the fly as it came down. Now I gots a red mark right on the head of My Most Precious Possession. It stings a little bit, and I expect a full recovery, but now there’s another scar on my weewee along with the results of my infamous toothpaste escapade. Yessirree, it’s a neverending stream of TMI from SPOOFE-Land. But, just to make myself feel not-quite-so-stupid… anybody else snag their Naughty Bits on anything that, ah, should not be snagging? ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/2 "2003-05-04T10:22:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > [B… anybody else snag their Naughty Bits on anything that, ah, should not be snagging? \*\* No! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/3 "2003-05-04T10:23:59Z")
Nope. My fly’s down most the time. 😃 But you can discuss your toothpaste experience! Or did I miss something? ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/4 "2003-05-04T12:11:02Z")
toothpast escapade.? Cite? ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/5 "2003-05-04T12:33:14Z")
When I was a small boy, around 3 or 4 I guess, certainly no older, I had a set of those one piece zip up the body PJs with footies and the whole bit. I woke up in the night and had to tap a kidney, which I did. When I was finished, I zipped up quickly (I liked the sound zippers made when you close them fast), while forgeting to pull up my shorts. Ever get a section of the lining caught between the teeth of a zipper when you zip a jacket? Same thing. I EMBEDDED the zipper into the opening of my young member. I mean STUCK. Imagine if you will, a 3 YO boy with his dick and PJ zipper melded together with great speed and, therefore, force. It took Dad a good 10 minutes to get the two put properly asunder after I threw one of the great panicked wigouts of all time. There was minor tearing of the edges of the hole, both interior and exterior, and I don’t think I’ve worn one piece PJs since. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/6 "2003-05-04T12:43:57Z")
Once. Just once. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/7 "2003-05-04T14:18:11Z")
Can I ask a question? If you have naughty bits hanging off the front of your torso, why would you a zipper there with BIG METAL TEETH? Ya know, that’s biting some man’s wee parts every day. I think he who first designed this had a thing for pain, and now it’s just tradition. Sorry but this just comes back to the belief that, even though it’s good for procreation, the design of a male is just funny. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/8 "2003-05-04T15:54:38Z")
[Toothpaste](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=860395#post860395). You asked. ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/9 "2003-05-04T15:59:18Z")
I recently did this twice in one day, once in a public restroom. Sad thing was I zipped the johnson up in the same place as a few hours before. That’ll learn me to wear underwear. ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/10 "2003-05-04T18:04:50Z")
Ya know, my camo pants have a really BIG zipper. Ouch. Never again. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/11 "2003-05-04T20:37:58Z")
I know I’ve been here too long when I’m _shocked_ that people haven’t heard of The Tootpaste Incident. Ah, the halcyon days… heh. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/12 "2003-05-04T20:44:50Z")
**Spoofe** , a word of advice… You just knew this was coming, didn’t you? UNDERPANTS! ---
**Author:** ![Payton\_s\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/13 "2003-05-04T22:23:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*… Or, “SPOOFE’s _There’s Something About Mary_ Moment”. > > Yeah, I was having an intimate moment with my girlfriend. And she was taking my pants off. And Lil’ SPOOFE got… ah… _pinched_ just a tad in the fly as it came down. Now I gots a red mark right on the head of My Most Precious Possession. It stings a little bit, and I expect a full recovery, but now there’s another scar on my weewee along with the results of my infamous toothpaste escapade. > > Yessirree, it’s a neverending stream of TMI from SPOOFE-Land. But, just to make myself feel not-quite-so-stupid… anybody else snag their Naughty Bits on anything that, ah, should not be snagging? \*\* Why the F\*\*\* weren’t you wearing underwear!!! And go buy some Levi’s 501’s for Chrissake, then you never have to deal with zippers again, 'cause 501’s gots that Button-Fly thing going on. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/14 "2003-05-05T00:56:08Z")
It was around eight years ago that Levi Strauss was running an ad campaign for 501s - they had a whole series of numbered reasons that 501s were so wonderful. I just about fell over laughing on the sidewalk when I saw going past me on the side of a bus: Reason #1 **That’s a dangerous place for a zipper!** Indeed… ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/15 "2003-05-05T01:27:32Z")
Bleh, I hate the button fly on my 501s. The button holes are small and incredibly awkward to fasten. Nothing like the embarrassment of stepping away from a public urinal then having to spend the next two minutes hunched over by the washbasins fiddling about one’s groinal region. (Trust me; of all the places a guy doesn’t to loiter while touching his fly for an extended period of time, public toilets are way up there!) OTOH, I found the perfect solution (at the footie on Saturday arvo): simply fasten the middle button and let it do the work of four buttons! ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/16 "2003-05-05T01:35:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rasa \* > \*\*I know I’ve been here too long when I’m _shocked_ that people haven’t heard of The Tootpaste Incident. > > Ah, the halcyon days… heh. \*\* Heck, I know somebody who’s only been here for a couple of weeks, and she knows about it. Of course, I pointed her to the TMI Thread…I’m evil. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2003, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/17 "2003-05-05T09:19:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Why the F\*\*\* weren’t you wearing underwear!!! Ah wuz. Though they’re the boxers with the little hole in the front so you can pee through without dropping your trousers, and, well, Lil’ SPOOFE was a tad excited and, y’know, “poking”. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2003, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/18 "2003-05-05T15:48:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dijon Warlock \* > \*\*[Toothpaste](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=860395#post860395). > > You asked. \*\* Holy crap. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/down-with-zippers-and-not-in-the-good-way-either/173001/19 "2003-05-05T15:58:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by green\_bladder \* > \*\*Holy crap. \*\* Words to live by on the SDMB.