# Dr Matrix sucks ass **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 24, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058 "2003-06-24T15:55:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/41 "2003-06-24T20:08:25Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Tarantula_ > All I wanted to know was where to hit the thing with my hammer. It doesn’t matter. I’ll pick it. It just takes about a billion times longer, and with an old lock, I thought someone helpful might just let me know. > > And no matter how noble the intent of the Mod, you’ve got to admit that most bike thieves probably have this info already. You know gleaned from “[stealmybike.com](http://stealmybike.com)”… If you really believe any of this is true, why do you even bother with the bike lock? ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/42 "2003-06-24T20:44:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ice Wolf \* > **Tarantula** , quit being a gormless hot-headed twit, coming across to all and sundry just like a kid having a tantrum … I hereby move that any poster pitching an unwarranted hissy-fit at a mod should be referred to as “having a Tarantulum.” ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/43 "2003-06-24T20:51:07Z")
I have no9thing to add… save that the OP had better watch whose toes he treads on here. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/44 "2003-06-24T20:59:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\*You can read locked threads. \*\* I think you got the wrong sort of “hack” there, **Munch**. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/45 "2003-06-24T21:03:23Z")
I do believe I just saw a whoosh, if a whoosh could be seen. Or are they just heard? Oh, the hack with it. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/46 "2003-06-24T21:40:36Z")
He does? That’s good to know, because my usual boilsucker, Vinny the Boilsucker, won’t suck ass boils. What are DrMatrix’s rates for an assboilsucking? I’ve had an inflammation. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/47 "2003-06-24T21:56:38Z")
Well, to put the whiny OP out of its misery, here’s the proper way to pick a lock in 4 easy steps: 1. Decide what size of a lock would be appropriate for your particular situation 2. Choose whether you want some sort of combination lock or one that functions with a key 3. Come to terms with any other variables that might matter to you (material, color, etc.) 4. Go to the store and pick your lock See, No Problem! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/48 "2003-06-24T21:59:40Z")
Be patient, young one. Some of the general policies and moderating decisions may seem capricious and arbitrary, but when you’ve been around longer you’ll see that there’s a good reason for just about all of them. I whined and cried in the beginning when I had threads closed, before I’d gotten the feel of the place too. In general I’d say the quality of this community is well worth having to toe the line on the rules. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/49 "2003-06-24T22:19:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*I hereby move that any poster pitching an unwarranted hissy-fit at a mod should be referred to as “having a Tarantulum.” \*\* Moved and seconded. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/50 "2003-06-24T22:27:02Z")
Golly, my very own Pit thread. It’s lame, but it’s all mine. I don’t quite know what to say, everything I would have to say has already been said by others. Thanks guys! Aside to **wring** : It was **Cajun Man** who posted the link to the registration agreement. ---
**Author:** ![Read\_Neck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Read\_Neck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Read_Neck)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/51 "2003-06-24T22:34:49Z")
Originally posted by Tarantula All I wanted to know was where to hit the thing with my hammer. It doesn’t matter. I’ll pick it. It just takes about a billion times longer, and with an old lock, I thought someone helpful might just let me know. ``` And no matter how noble the intent of the Mod, you've got to admit that most bike thieves probably have this info already. You know gleaned from "stealmybike.com"... ``` LMAO The universal lockpick is 36" boltcutters. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/52 "2003-06-25T01:04:15Z")
The funniest thing is that if you had a better attitude, there are plenty of people here that could’ve helped you via email. ---
**Author:** ![And\_that\_s\_the\_bottom\_line](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df788c/32.png) [@And\_that\_s\_the\_bottom\_line](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/And_that_s_the_bottom_line)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/53 "2003-06-25T07:28:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > **I hereby move that any poster pitching an unwarranted hissy-fit at a mod should be referred to as "having a Tarantulum."** That’s gold! If only we had this phrase when **KGS** was having his meltdowns. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tarantula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tarantula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantula)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/54 "2003-06-25T07:57:16Z")
Hi - all. I’m back 🙂 Thanks for all the lame ass comments (and one or two that were actually helpful - Polycarp, Spectre of Pithecanthropus et al.) I got my bike in the end. I was a bit of a pain in the ass picking a lock on the street though. Funnily enough, a police car stopped at a red light about 20 ft. from me, while I was doing it - not a word. Just to clarify the entire situation - I know how to pick a lock - and I wasn’t asking for that info - I already learnt it from [howstuffworks.com](http://howstuffworks.com). I was enquiring about the “Hammer - Whack” technique… But I feel all better now. Thanks PS - “Having a Tarantulum” - I would be honoured. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/55 "2003-06-25T08:27:16Z")
Just like to add: “It’s my bike. Yeah, but I lost the combination to the lock, that’s why I was picking it.” As a former junkie and theif, that sounded _damn_ familiar! ---
**Author:** ![Tarantula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tarantula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantula)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/56 "2003-06-25T09:33:31Z")
Well, since the police didn’t ask, I didn’t have to sound like an ex-junkie… ---
**Author:** ![StanDup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@StanDup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StanDup)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/57 "2003-06-25T16:19:56Z")
Do the words locksmith mean anything to you, Tarantula? ---
**Author:** ![StanDup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@StanDup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StanDup)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058/58 "2003-06-25T16:20:06Z")
Do the words “call a locksmith” mean anything to you, Tarantula? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-matrix-sucks-ass/184058.md?page=2)