# Dr Phil, SHUT UP!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 29, 2002, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472 "2002-11-29T07:35:38Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/1 "2002-11-29T07:35:38Z")
Maybe he does have a degree, I don’t care! I’m tired of hearing about him.
Don’t say, “Moron, switch the fucking channel,” 'cause you’re gonna hear him anyways. He’s quoted on the radio, clips are played on other shows, your family and friends are gonna say, “Oh, he’s SO right. I mean, my gawd…”
How can anyone think that they’re able able to come to the crux of a problem after a five minute interview?
And the answers he does give…
\*\*AAAAAUUUUURRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
Tie my testicles with fishing line, stick needles in my eyes, peel the skin off my buttocks and make me sit in a salty lemon juice solution while reading jump the shark threads to me with Whitney Houston singing Spanish love songs to a naked Rosie O’Donnel riding a druken emu around my living room!\*\*
\*“Sometimes, you just have to yell at the horse.”
“I don’t know you, but I can see that you’re wrong.”
“If you’re hysterical, it’s historical.”
“You need to step off the love train and find a real job.”\*
God Damn it to Hell on a fucking puke stick covered in rancid ferret meat grease! What the fuck are you telling these people?
Sometimes, I have to work on a project ( I remodel ) while people are home, watching this festering boil in a ill fitting suit ruining someone’s life for the sake of Oprah’s ego ( which will be eclipsing the sun in a few days, visible to Ausie Dopers, G’Day y’all ) and to hear his own demonic voice on TV.
Can you tell I think not much of him?
I also don’t think much of radio call in shows, Dr. Laura, Dr. Lecter’s Night On the Town, but I’m not quite as annoyed at them. I don’t care much for Dear Abbynormal Landers except as entertainment.
If you have a problem that bad, get real help. Not a five minute fix.
Wow. I feel better!
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### Author:  [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/2 "2002-11-29T07:48:32Z")
C’mon now **NoClueBoy**. Out with the jive, in with the love.
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### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/3 "2002-11-29T07:56:11Z")
You’re right, **Muad’Dib**. [sobbing noises] I’ve been so un-oprah’d. Help me!
BTW, Usal, what do you call that little jumping mouse creature?
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### Author:  [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/4 "2002-11-29T14:13:02Z")
The show shouldn’t be called “Dr Phil”.
It should be called “Grab a big steaming helping of COMMON SENSE”.
I’ve never seen a display of the moronically obvious in my life.
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### Author:  [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/5 "2002-11-29T14:20:05Z")
The [Dr Phil](http://www.mangydog.com/games/drphil.html) random quote generator.
…You don’t need to think clearly to grab 'em in the biscuits.
…You don’t need an open mind to skin a gopher.
…You don’t need a horseshoe collection to disgrace your family.
…You don’t need yer Mama to shave a weasel.
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/6 "2002-11-29T14:29:04Z")
Has anyone seen David Letterman’s “Dr. Phil’s Daily Words of Wisdom”? He’ll play a 2 second Dr. Phil clip —they all sound like that Dr. Phil generator. The last time I saw it David was chuckling in his smug way and said “I keep waiting for the cease and desist order but it never comes.”
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### Author:  [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/7 "2002-11-29T15:06:12Z")
Does anyone else think Dr. Phil sounds sort of like Ross Perot’s love-child?
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### Author:  [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/8 "2002-11-29T15:21:29Z")
I think Dr. Phil sounds too much like Bill Clinton.
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### Author:  [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/9 "2002-11-29T15:53:12Z")
**beagledave** , that is a Great Link.
You don’t need your Uncle Groucho to wish I would shut up.
You don’t need anyone or anything to WEEWEEWEE all the way home.
You don’t need to call the Pope to laminate your shirt.
You don’t need to bitch and moan to complain about these kids nowadays.
I don’t watch anything having to do with Oprah, so I don’t know: does he really talk like that? If he does, I MUST begin viewing this show. It’d be a great comedy.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/10 "2002-11-29T16:01:45Z")
Does anyone else think that Dr. Phil looks like Hank Kingsly on _The Larry Sanders Show_?
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### Author:  [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/11 "2002-11-29T16:36:13Z")
You don’t need to rob a bank to fall in love with an asshole.
You don’t need a feeble grandma to jump in the lake.
You don’t need pepper spray to poop on a cracker.
You don’t need the clap to get all uppity.
Pure genius!
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/12 "2002-11-29T16:43:25Z")
So I’m generating Dr. Phil quotes and I’m thinking: I would love to see the show in which that quote could be used.
_You don’t need the Big Bang Theory to treat yourself to a tasty shake._
Astrologist wishes to divorce wife who has gained 200 lbs due to McDonald’s advertising.
_You don’t need brainpower to leave your cares behind._
Girl contemplates suicide when she discovers she’s as dumb as a post.
_You don’t need a mop to steal your neighbor’s porn._
Too many scenarios. . … Com’on Phil, get cracking on this one.
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### Author:  [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/13 "2002-11-29T17:11:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Biggirl \*
> \*\*
>
> _You don’t need a mop to steal your neighbor’s porn._
> Too many scenarios. . … Com’on Phil, get cracking on this one. \*\*
Ho My…:eek:
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### Author:  [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/14 "2002-11-29T17:50:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by GrizzRich \*
> \*\*The show shouldn’t be called “Dr Phil”.
>
> It should be called “Grab a big steaming helping of COMMON SENSE”.
>
> I’ve never seen a display of the moronically obvious in my life. \*\*
True. And he would be and IS the first to say it. (Only without the “moronically” part.)
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### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/15 "2002-11-29T19:43:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \*
> \*\*
> I also don’t think much of radio call in shows, Dr. Laura, Dr. Lecter’s Night On the Town, but I’m not quite as annoyed at them. I don’t care much for Dear Abbynormal Landers except as entertainment.
> \*\*
Hey, i **like** abbynormal Landers!!! I dont really pay much attention to their responses (heck, I could probably guess what they will respond)
But, I like to read them as an exercise in “unreliable narration”.
Okay, so-and-so SAYS his neighbor doesnt like him and is anal-retentive because he cant stand the radio to be on at ALL. Now, is this really true, or is the writer a tanktop wearin’ inbred who comes home from work and slugs down a 6pack playing BTO at volume 10?"
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### Author:  [@Khan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khan)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/16 "2002-11-29T19:52:48Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \*
> \*\*You’re right, **Muad’Dib**. [sobbing noises] I’ve been so un-oprah’d. Help me!
>
> BTW, Usal, what do you call that little jumping mouse creature? \*\*
It’s “Usul.”
For that mistake we will take your water as a gift to the tribe from Shai-Hulud.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/17 "2002-11-29T19:58:29Z")
Is he the one Oprah always has on?
Doesn’t he claim that depression is just because you’re being silly, and you can just be “D’uh! GEt happy!”
Or something?
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/18 "2002-11-29T20:04:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \*
> Does anyone else think that Dr. Phil looks like Hank Kingsly on _The Larry Sanders Show_?
_ **Hey now!** _
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### Author:  [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/19 "2002-11-29T20:28:53Z")
Very often when I come into work, the previous shift has Dr. Phil on. I don’t know why. I usually change the channel to the Beverly Hillbillies or something.
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### Author:  [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-phil-shut-up/139472/20 "2002-11-29T20:40:04Z")
When you need advice Granny Clampett is the one to turn to…
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