# Dr. Seuss' Beowulf **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 8, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845 "2013-12-08T20:07:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Real\_Ribeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@The\_Real\_Ribeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Real_Ribeye)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/41 "2013-12-23T03:53:42Z")
[quote=“CalMeacham, post:38, topic:675845”] “Geats” is funnier than “Danes” That’s what we call a cop out.:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/42 "2013-12-23T12:11:09Z")
[quote=“The\_Real\_Ribeye, post:41, topic:675845”] > [@CalMeacham](#): > > “Geats” is funnier than “Danes” > > That’s what we call a cop out.:dubious: True, though. And the reason I did it (although I didn’t consider the thing carefully, I admit) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/43 "2013-12-24T17:39:44Z")
I have to try and finish this up. Tonight’s Christmas Eve! Then He did the _same_ thing to the _other Geat’s_ bays Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other _Geat’s_ strays! And the last thing he did That nasty old Grendel Was to pull the release On the Hall’s Stay-Together Handle! It was quarter past dawn… …All the _Geats_, still a-bed, …All the \*Geats[/I, still a-snooze When he packed up his sled, Packed it up with their _vaben_, their _scepter_, the _brystharnisk_! The _rune_! The _armeret middelalderhandske_! Three thousand feet up! Up the side of \*Yding Skovhøj \*, He rode with his load to the tiptop to disgorghe! “Weet-Weet to the _Geats_!” he was Grendelly humming, "They’re finding out now that no WinterJul is coming! "They’re just waking up! I know _just_ what they’ll bleat! "Their mouths will hang open a minute or three "Then the _Geats_ down in _Geat_-land will all cry OH SHEET! “That’s a noise,” Grinned Grendel, “That I simply MUST hear!” So he paused. And Grendel put his hand to his ear. And he _did_ hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow… But the sound wasn’t _sad!_ Why, this sound sounded _merry!_ It _couldn’t_ be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He started down at _Geat_-land! Grendel popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every _Geat_ down in _Geat_-land, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without Heorot at all! He HADN’T stopped WinterJul from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/44 "2013-12-24T17:54:15Z")
And Grendel, with his Grendel-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How _could_ it be so? "It came without laesion! It came without _mjød_! “It came without _Blod, Brandslukning_, or _øl_!” And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore, _Then_ Grendel thought of something he hadn’t before! “Maybe Heorot,” he thought,"_doesn’t_ come from a store. “Maybe Heorot…perhaps…means a little bit more!” And what happened _then_…? Well…in _Geat_-land they say That Grendel’s small heart Grew three sizes that day! And the minutre his heart didn’t feel quite so tight, He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light And he brought back the \* våben\*! And the food for the freast! …and he… …HE HIMSELF…! _Grendel carved the roast beast!_ …clearly from a variant tradition for the _Børn_. The grownups kept the bloody version, with all the decapitations and such for their own amusement. —with apologies to Dr. Seuss. And The Real Ribeye. And anyone else who might be offended. Pepper Mill says I should declare this copyrighted. Unless that would get me in trouble with the Geisel estate. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/45 "2013-12-25T01:49:35Z")
Bump for Christmas Eve. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/46 "2013-12-25T04:45:11Z")
What a wonderful thread! I don’t know how I missed reading it before, but I’m glad it came back for christmas.😃 ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/47 "2013-12-26T05:17:25Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > …And they’ll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing ‘round on their hest vogn. > They’ll dance while playing with their vaben. > They’ll swing their svaerd sabel. They’ll bang their stav scepters. > They’ll strike with dolke. They’ll bang their spyd lanses. > They’ll kaste their okse. They’ll slam their skjolde. > They’ll beat their brystharnisk. They’ll wham their hovedbeklaedning. > And they’ll play noisy games like knude haevning, > A dislocation-type mix of tug-of-war and misbehaving! > And then they’ll make ear-splitting noises a-tootin’ > On their great big falster-pibe fljoten! > … I have the feeling that Jabberwocky is just around the corner. Probably because I don’t have enough “classical” education to know what “vaben” and “spyd lanses” and “hovedbeklaedning” are. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/48 "2013-12-28T17:08:52Z")
And here is what the Geats sang: "Seamus Heaney, Seamus Heaney Welcome Welcome God Jul day Burton Raffel, Edwin Morgan, Frederick Rebsamen God Jul Day! Seamus Heaney, Seamus Heaney, Welcome Heorot On this day Mike Alexander, David Wright J.R.R. Tolkien God Jul Day!" ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2025, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845/49 "2025-12-18T13:22:42Z")
It’s hard for me to believe that I wrote the OP twelve years ago – _Tempus Fugit_ – but here it is. I read this poem at Arisia shortly after I published it here, and it got a HUGE popular response. One commentator said it was “pee your legs funny”. Higher praise there is none. I edited and posted it on my website – [Dr. Seuss’ Beowulf – The Writings of Stephen R. Wilk](https://srichardwilkcom.wordpress.com/dr-seuss-beowulf/) I did a quick Google search, amnd now there are LOTS of people making the connection between Grendel and the GRinch. When I wrote this there weren’t any. I don’t know if my ideas percolated out and became the general _zeitgeist_ or if more peop;le over time came up with the idea on their own. > **[Google Search](https://www.google.com/search?q=Grendel%2Bthe%2BGrinch&sca_esv=434108a22045feca&rlz=1C1VDKB_enUS1122US1128&ei=x_5DafLmEfPk5NoP24SnoQ4&ved=0ahUKEwiy5vGynMeRAxVzMlkFHVvCKeQQ4dUDCBE&uact=5&oq=Grendel%2Bthe%2BGrinch&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiEkdyZW5kZWwgdGhlIEdyaW5jaDIHEAAYsAMYHjIOEAAYgAQYsAMYhgMYigUyDhAAGIAEGLADGIYDGIoFSJgQUO0EWO0EcAF4AJABAJgBPKABPKoBATG4AQPIAQD4AQGYAgKgAkXCAgkQABiwAxgNGB6YAwDiAwUSATEgQIgGAZAGA5IHATKgB8kCsgcBMbgHQcIHBTAuMS4xyAcFgAgA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp)** Anyway, Merry Christmas and Yul. And watch out for both Grendel and the Grinch (until they reform) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dr-seuss-beowulf/675845.md?page=2)