# Drinking Coffee Makes Teachers Into Witches. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 18, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065 "2005-07-18T23:25:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/1 "2005-07-18T23:25:02Z")
Yes, if you drink coffee, Mormons call you a witch, then fire you. [http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2005/city\_1\_2005-07-14.cfm](http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2005/city_1_2005-07-14.cfm) A classic example of how discrimination works. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/2 "2005-07-19T00:07:02Z")
> [@](#): > > One parent, the member testified, “was concerned that some thoughts from the world would enter into the child’s classroom.” Thoughts from the world? What the hell are “thoughts from the world?” Thoughts entering classrooms is a bad thing now? Good grief – what self-respecting teacher would _want_ to teach in such an environment of ignorance? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/3 "2005-07-19T00:33:14Z")
I turn into a bitch when I don’t have my coffee! Oh, wait… you said _witch_ [Emily Litella]Never mind…[/Emily Litella] ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/4 "2005-07-19T00:35:06Z")
I had to double check my calendar. Yep, it is in fact the 21st century. However, time seems to have stood still in a part of Utah, in a corner of the Twilight Zone. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/5 "2005-07-19T00:35:57Z")
Cool. I drink a LOT of coffee. Phear Me! _“she prefers the dark side”_ OK, so when is she going to overthrow the Republic and unleash her clone armies? _One parent, the member testified, “was concerned that some thoughts from the world would enter into the child’s classroom.”_ No further comment is even necessary for THAT one. ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/6 "2005-07-19T01:07:32Z")
Not all Mormons are represented by those, I promise. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/7 "2005-07-19T01:17:49Z")
I really liked > [@](#): > > Others were upset at “giving kids the option of questioning what their beliefs might be.” I think that sums up the situation. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/8 "2005-07-19T01:20:50Z")
> [@N. Sane](#): > > Not all Mormons are represented by those, I promise. We know they aren’t, but this was just too much fun to pass up. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/9 "2005-07-19T01:57:47Z")
Anyone else wanna join me in a live-action presentation of one of Boch’s paintings? The Sevier School Board will probably fall over themselves when we explain the high religious content of the painting. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/10 "2005-07-19T03:09:58Z")
Can we say big fat lawsuit? ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/11 "2005-07-19T05:48:26Z")
OK, everyone knows that witches float when thrown in water. And of course it’s also a well-known fact that it’s very hard to sink in the Great Salt Lake. Therefore…_Everyone in Utah is a witch!_ Burn them! Burn them! ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/12 "2005-07-19T11:15:15Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > I turn into a bitch when I don’t have my coffee! > > Oh, wait… you said _witch_ > > [Emily Litella]Never mind…[/Emily Litella] Seriously. The insurance weenies\* told us no more refrigerators, microwaves or coffee makers in the classrooms this last year. It was not pretty, not pretty\* at all\*. **Pullet** mentioned Hieronomys Bosch and that’s when it all clicked into place for me. I knew the scene in the faculty workroom seemed familiar and now I know why. Straight out of the hell portion of the Garden of Earthly Delights. \*[sub]My apologies to any SDMB members who are also insurance ween-- I mean erm… _professionals_. _You_ guys are cool so I know you’d agree with me if you met them.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/13 "2005-07-19T13:59:10Z")
_“Jensen’s lawsuit against the Sevier School District, alleging she was fired because she wasn’t Mormon, shows the subtle ways religion can impact the Utah workplace.”_ I’d have fired her for using “impact” as a verb. Oh wait, that was the _City Weekly_ reporter. Let’s throw _him_ into the Great Salt Lake. It should be mentioned that one of the best lines in the book _The Eiger Sanction_ was the comment that if the spymaster and his Big Nurse-style attendant ever produced offspring, they would be able to model for Hieronymus Bosch. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/14 "2005-07-19T14:29:21Z")
Well, to be fair, she _did_ turn a student into a newt. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/15 "2005-07-19T14:32:47Z")
He got better. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/16 "2005-07-19T14:32:58Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Well, to be fair, she _did_ turn a student into a newt. I refuse to provide the tired & shopworn comeback. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/17 "2005-07-19T14:56:48Z")
I think they’re a little confused. See, sometimes coffee makes people **t** witch. They’re not ignorant, they just can’t spell. But really, :rolleyes:. I’m never living anyplace where they think coffee is evil. Now I’m really craving a huge mocha with a few extra shots of espresso. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/18 "2005-07-19T15:01:10Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > I refuse to provide the tired & shopworn comeback. :rolleyes: As you can see above, you’re stronger than I. It’s all I can do to keep from suggesting that we build a bridge out of her. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/19 "2005-07-19T15:04:32Z")
Christ-where’s Endora\* when you really need her! A hex and a curse on all their houses! I cannot even wrap my head around the world coming into the classroom comment–and eveyone scratches their heads and says, why is America going down the toilet? HERE’S a good reason! I hope she wins so big, that she bankrupts the effing school. Oh, wait, then they’d all be home schooled and even more backward… Got it! Bus these kids to LA! That’ll bring the world into their classrooms… (don’t mind my geography) - no offense to witches meant–I just need the bitchiest witch I could think of; she’d do some real damage! Also, her cartoonish depiction of a witch matches the Fred Flintstone approach that these people have to the world… ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/20 "2005-07-19T15:06:01Z")
> [@](#): > > she prefers the dark side Note to self: keep my great Palpatine impression to myself in the future! Really, you should hear me: “Every SINGLE [Insert your favorite target here] is now an enemy of the Republic! Do what must be done. Do not hesitate! Show no mercy!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065.md?page=2)