# Drinking Coffee Makes Teachers Into Witches.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [July 18, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065 "2005-07-18T23:25:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/21 "2005-07-19T15:24:08Z")
New catch phrase for the Coffee Producers Board:
COFFEE. 50 million witches can’t be wrong.
---
### Author:  [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/22 "2005-07-19T15:38:56Z")
Interesting to find not a lot of Starbucks near Monroe, UT.
However, Salt Lake City pulls up 13 locations.
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### Author:  [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/23 "2005-07-19T15:42:31Z")
> [@Hampshire](#):
>
> Interesting to find not a lot of Starbucks near Monroe, UT.
>
> However, Salt Lake City pulls up 13 locations.
That’s for all the heathen tourists. 😛
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### Author:  [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/24 "2005-07-19T16:01:06Z")
Not that it’s 100% relevant (let’s ballpark it at 60-75%), but recently finished Under The Banner of God by John (Jon?) Krakauer.
Great book, firstly. Secondly, it takes a hard look at Mormonism (historical and present), and focuses on the insular/xenophobic leanings of the religion.
I can’t vouch for Krakauer’s neutrality on this subject, but based upon this book (and only this book), I was led to believe the origin of the Mormon faith is on a par with Scientology and the Nation of Islam. John Smith was certainly portrayed as a huckster, and the first members of the sect as credulous ninnies.
Not all Mormons are Osmonds, and not all those who wander are lost.
-Cem
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### Author:  [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/25 "2005-07-19T16:14:52Z")
John Smith? Your fact checking is about as good as the school board.
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### Author:  [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/26 "2005-07-19T16:21:21Z")
> [@Apricot](#):
>
> John Smith? Your fact checking is about as good as the school board.
Oops. That would imply that I fact-checked. I blame my squishy, delicious brain.
JOEseph Smith, that is. :smack:
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### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/27 "2005-07-19T16:40:52Z")
> [@SteveG1](#):
>
> Cool. I drink a LOT of coffee. Phear Me!
> _“she prefers the dark side”_ OK, so when is she going to overthrow the Republic and unleash her clone armies?
Cool! How much coffee do I have to drink to be able to do _that_?
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/28 "2005-07-19T17:12:04Z")
If you drink decaf, what does that make you? One of those half-witches like Samantha and Darren Steven’s kids? (Tabitha and Adam, IIRC)
Did they have half Samatha’s powers? Or is the witch gene fully dominant, and they had all the powers of a witch? I think the latter.
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### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/29 "2005-07-19T17:28:24Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> If you drink decaf, what does that make you?
My guess would be that it makes you a Squib.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/30 "2005-07-19T17:32:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Hampshire
> Interesting to find not a lot of Starbucks near Monroe, UT.
>
> However, Salt Lake City pulls up 13 locations.
>
> That’s for all the heathen tourists.
Lotsa non-LDS caffeine fiends in the Intermountain West, too. It’s a _loooopng_ drive to the next big city.
True coffee and tea aficionados in SLC don’t go to that upstart import that is Starbucks. They go to the Salt Lake Roasting Company:
[http://www.roasting.com/](http://www.roasting.com/)
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### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/31 "2005-07-19T17:36:54Z")
> [@Pullet](#):
>
> Anyone else wanna join me in a live-action presentation of one of Boch’s paintings? The Sevier School Board will probably fall over themselves when we explain the high religious content of the painting.
Assuming you’re talking about Hieronymous Bosch, I’m in. As long as I get to be in the _middle_ panel of the _Garden of Earthly Delights_.
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/32 "2005-07-19T17:37:07Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#):
>
> My guess would be that it makes you a Squib.
It would make me a small charge used in movies to create the special effect of a bullet impact?
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### Author:  [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/33 "2005-07-19T18:09:05Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> It would make me a small charge used in movies to create the special effect of a bullet impact?
It would make you one of 2 or 3 people, outside of religious idiots who will believe anything they are told, who haven’t read Harry Potter.
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/34 "2005-07-19T18:11:15Z")
So, what, was she performing [the Ritual of the Caffienated Cross](http://www.ecauldron.com/humor28.php) every morning instead of pledging allegiance to the flag?
> [@](#):
>
> Others were upset at “giving kids the option of questioning what their beliefs might be".
“Mooo-ooom! Jimmy’s questioning his beliefs again!”
“Jimmy, for the last time, get in your room and stare blankly at the wall and don’t you come out until I tell you!”
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### Author:  [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/35 "2005-07-19T18:17:19Z")
> [@Weirddave](#):
>
> It would make you one of 2 or 3 people, outside of religious idiots who will believe anything they are told, who haven’t read Harry Potter.
And I’m the other one.
I especially like that the state dropped out of representing the school district. This speaks volumes:
> [@](#):
>
> The attorney general’s office “cannot ethically provide any further representation to defendants,” the office wrote the court.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/36 "2005-07-19T18:29:30Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#):
>
> Can we say big fat lawsuit?
On second look, it seems she’s already sueing. Never mind.
:smack:
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### Author:  [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/37 "2005-07-19T20:20:33Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> Did they have half Samatha’s powers? Or is the witch gene fully dominant, and they had all the powers of a witch? I think the latter.
Considering the thread subject, I read the last sentence as, “I think the _latte_.”
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### Author:  [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/38 "2005-07-19T21:02:59Z")
IIRC, Tabitha had powers, and Adam didn’t.
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### Author:  [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/39 "2005-07-19T21:19:26Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#):
>
> _“Jensen’s lawsuit against the Sevier School District, alleging she was fired because she wasn’t Mormon, shows the subtle ways religion can impact the Utah workplace.”_
>
> I’d have fired her for using “impact” as a verb. Oh wait, that was the _City Weekly_ reporter. Let’s throw _him_ into the Great Salt Lake.
[aside]
> **[Definition of impact | Dictionary.com](https://www.dictionary.com/browse/impact)**
>
> Definition of impact from Dictionary.com, the world’s leading online source for English definitions, pronunciations, word origins, idioms, Word of the Day, and more.
‘Impact has been used as a verb since 1601, when it meant “to fix or pack in,” and its modern, figurative use dates from 1935.’
Yep, these young whippersnappers sure are weirding the English language.
[/aside]
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### Author:  [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2005, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drinking-coffee-makes-teachers-into-witches/313065/40 "2005-07-19T21:37:58Z")
What I hate about Salt Lake City is how _pasty_ my skin looks when I go there, and how faded all the colors seem…almost like it’s in black & white.
And the way the books in the library have nothing printed on the pages.
I do like [Brewvies](http://www.brewvies.com/), though.
Stranger
Oh my God… are we in that episode?
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