# Drive-by Jeezer Postings **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 30, 2000, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362 "2000-08-30T17:09:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/1 "2000-08-30T17:09:11Z")
They’re back - Great Debates is full of 'em. “Why don’t you believe in God?” “What would it take?” “Would you take the mark of Satan?” Please someone send them the dictionary definition of “skeptic” and tell 'em to go shovel their shit over at LBMB. (Yeah, yeah - “don’t read it if you’re not interested,” I know, but they clog up my screen while I’m looking for more interesting threads to read, so fuck you, too, Mary. ;)) Esprix ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/2 "2000-08-30T17:54:40Z")
I agree, and the sad thing is these Jeezers are the wrong folks to be witnessing. You’ve got one guy who seems really uneducated and can’t spell or form a grammatical sentence to save his life, and you have another confused 25-year-old who is a self-confessed alcoholic and depressive. These are the folks who are supposed to convince me that Jesus is God. Puh-leeze! Reminds me of the old Cheech and Chong routine, “I used to be messed up on drugs, but now I’m messed up on the Lord.” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/3 "2000-08-30T17:59:41Z")
Well, so far **Wildest Bill** is actually sticking around and debating, and seems to have dropped by a few other threads. Still… No word from **Im\_a\_squirrel** ; **jenkinsfan** went off to save some puppies and has yet to return; and **college student** has not been sighted in a while. And it’d be nice if, oh, they bothered to go around to some of the different forums and say, answered some questions and talked a little about themselves and learned a little about the rest of us on some level _other_ than “I’m a Christian, and I want you to give up your athiest ways and become one too.” ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/4 "2000-08-30T18:06:07Z")
Aw comeon. I think they’re kind of cute. You know, like those kids that throw rocks at puppies cause they can. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/5 "2000-08-30T18:47:11Z")
Yep, I usually wait to see if they will show up in their own thread, but by then all the good sarcasm has been used.☹ So from now on I’m jumping right in and giving them the old what-for. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/6 "2000-08-30T20:24:29Z")
I think you’re just intolerant and you hate all Christians, Esprix… After all, that’s what I am often told when I start a thread about a particular and well-defined (and, dare I say, well-deserving) segment of the Christian population. * * * Yer pal, Satan [sub]TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Four months, three weeks, 18 hours, 19 minutes and 35 seconds. 5750 cigarettes not smoked, saving $718.82. Extra time with Drain Bead: 2 weeks, 5 days, 23 hours, 10 minutes.[/sub] **_"Satan is not an unattractive person."_-Drain Bead** [sub]Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey!\*[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/7 "2000-08-30T20:34:36Z")
There do seem to be a **LOT** of drive-by witnessings. I just use 'em to sharpen my debate skills. _laugh_ Btw, I admit, I’m dumb and stupid. What the hell is **LBMB**? I’m clue-less on that one. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/8 "2000-08-30T20:47:42Z")
It’s the Left Behind Message Board, sort of a Bizarro world version of the SDMB where their goal is to _spread_ ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/9 "2000-08-30T20:53:04Z")
The worst thing about said drive-bys is that I can never get the liscence plate number before they turn the corner… **sigh** ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/10 "2000-08-30T21:04:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by goboy \* > \*\*It’s the Left Behind Message Board, sort of a Bizarro world version of the SDMB where their goal is to _spread_ ignorance. \*\* This is petty, and cruel. It is also really funny! Tris ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/11 "2000-08-30T21:08:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by goboy \* > \*\*It’s the Left Behind Message Board, sort of a Bizarro world version of the SDMB where their goal is to _spread_ ignorance. \*\* And your goal is to spread what? I think there is enough fertilizer in the world don’t you? But if you think the world needs more just keep typing. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/12 "2000-08-30T21:14:03Z")
Specifically… (long-winded history of the SDMB rant, here, so go grab a cup of coffee and a notebook before you continue.) The **LBMB** or **Left Behind Message Board** was created in an homage to Robert Jenkins, author of the “Left Behind” series of books. For those not familiar with the series, it was about the adventures and exploits of a group of born-again Christians following the Rapture (Obviously, they were converted _after_ the Rapture). They were on a mission to save the world from the antiChrist. Anyways. The LBMB attracted a large number of fans of the series, many of whom were also born-again Christians (though, as far as I know, the Rapture hasn’t yet happened). The message board became a site for much discussion of religion. Unfortunately, the type of Christian attracted sometimes was the archetypical ‘fundie’. That is- absolutely literalist regarding the Truth of the Bible (i.e., anti-evolution (usually referring to it as EVILution), anti-homosexual), anti-Catholic and anti-Mormon (considering both of those religions ‘cults’) and generally believing that _they_ were saved, and everyone else was going to hell because they had not embraced the sacrifice of Jesus Christ in the _correct_ way. Enter Satan. Not the real Lucifer of whom these people were afraid, but our own lovable, friendly, Putt-Putt shark poster here. Satan stumbled across this board, and came back to the SDMB with news of it. After several people went over and took a look at the board, Satan made his Corrupt Bargain- he offered a dollar to every SDMB poster that signed up for the LBMB and began debating there. The results were unfortunately dismal. The debates had with the LBMBers tended to go in circles (“The Bible is true.” “But you can’t KNOW that!” “God told me it was.” “And how do you know it was God?” “Because it fits with what’s in the Bible.”) over matters of evolution, Catholicism, and many other topics. Tempers rose, and frustration was a constant. This was aggravated by the fact that the moderator of the LBMB had a penchant for shutting down threads he considered “hostile” or “long”, the latter all the worse because every statement made would be followed with five to ten people saying “bump!” to bring the thread back to the top, and so threads jumped to the size limit (40 or so) very quickly. In late December, a poster ratted out the SDMB. I’m not sure who (though I have my guesses), but someone e-mailed the LBMB moderator and gave the web address for the thread where the SDMBers were discussing what was going on on the LBMB. The ratter also said things to give the impression that the SDMBers were out to specifically destroy the LBMB and make a mockery of it. New Year’s Eve came the board war. The SDMB was deluged by new posters, all of whom were LBMBers out to either disrupt this board by constantly posting garbage to it, or to convert all of us through witnessing. Eventually, the LBMB moderator was reached, misconceptions were dispelled, and a truce was called. Since then, we have occasionally received a new poster who has wandered here from the LBMB. More has happened with the LBMB since then, but I haven’t been paying much attention. I believe it has fallen apart, and several other boards started up in retaliation for the perceived abuses of other members and/or moderators, but I’m not sure. Anyways- back to your regularly scheduled rants (some of which will probably be about me for things I’ve gotten wrong or bad perceptions I’ve given off). ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/13 "2000-08-30T21:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > …sort of a Bizarro world version of the SDMB where their goal is to spread ignorance. ::snort!::chuckle:: I love this Board. I always get weird looks from people when I refer to Bizarro as an actual place (didn’t anyone read Superman?)! ---
**Author:** ![Sea\_Sloth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Sea\_Sloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sea_Sloth)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/14 "2000-08-30T21:56:10Z")
Yeah, well, God’s right and you heathens suck ASS!!! Burn rubber Jesus!! ::squealing tires:: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/15 "2000-08-30T21:57:32Z")
Don’t go to church on Sunday Don’t get on my knees to pray Don’t memorize the books of the Bible I got my own special way Bit I know Jesus loves me Maybe just a little bit more I fall on my knees every Sunday At Zerelda Lee’s candy store Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied Well I don’t want no Anna Zabba Don’t want no Almond Joy There ain’t nothing better Suitable for this boy Well it’s the only thing That can pick me up Better than a cup of gold See only a chocolate Jesus Can satisfy my soul (Solo) When the weather gets rough And it’s whiskey in the shade It’s best to wrap your savior Up in cellophane He flows like the big muddy But that’s ok Pour him over ice cream For a nice parfait Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus Good enough for me Got to be a chocolate Jesus Good enough for me Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/16 "2000-08-30T23:45:10Z")
John Corrado, I thoroughly enjoyed your treatise on the history of SDMB v LBMB. Is it just me or does anyone else picture him in a wingback armchair, wearing a smoking jacket, pipe in hand and little reading glasses balancing on the end of his nose? But as he said - back to the program. I get a kick out of reading some of those drive-by’s but I just can’t get the motivation to join in. It seems too much like banging my head repeatedly on a cinder block. I find that “fundies” (for lack of a better word) are so thoroughly indoctrinated, that they refuse to see any other side of an argument. Who knows, maybe we evil heathens are just as guilty of that. I once had a conversation with a dorm mate that went something like this: She: Do you believe in God? Me: No. She: Then you’re going to Hell. Me: If I don’t believe in God, what makes you think I believe in Hell? She: It doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not, that’s where you’re going. Me: Well it doesn’t matter if _you_ believe it or not but when you die you’re going to Cleveland. I have spoken! She: huff huff pshaw. Whatever. It’s just not that fun anymore to hear people insist that something I firmly don’t believe in is going to happen to me. ---
**Author:** ![ChrisCTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/17 "2000-08-30T23:58:52Z")
I don’t have anything to add to John C.'s post, except that the LBMB also has (had) a really _awful_ color scheme. Hey, we consider _all_ the elements, don’t we? _Currently playing: Depeche Mode - **Personal Jesus** _ ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/18 "2000-08-31T00:05:24Z")
I too enjoyed John’s spill. I never knew about that. But it makes sense now. Hey Jack, Btw your story was funny. Do you miss that lady? I have a question for you how firm is “firmly”. In otherwords do you ever still wonder about how this world got here. I mean I am Christian and I still wonder about things don’t you? I mean what if the evolution(I assume you believe in this if not I apologize)is not correct(and no I do not have cites,facts,stats and other things to back this statement up so don’t even bother asking for it goboy it is just an opinion). What then? Also I hope I make discussing God and eternity fun and interesting to you again. Because it is fun and interesting. Because God definetely has a sense of humor he make me. ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/19 "2000-08-31T00:08:33Z")
I meant “made” not "make. No wonder goboy gives me such a hard time my “edit” thingy isn’t letting me edit. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362/20 "2000-08-31T00:13:53Z")
I’d just like to say (and I know half of you won’t believe me) that those who are more comfortable in their faith know that it is, if nothing else, that: we don’t need to try to convince every last “damned” soul of the existence of God. Those who try to . . . some of them mean well, but it gets to the point where they refuse to agree to disagree, on the grounds that “I cannot possible be wrong. God told me so.” It’s usually pretty useless to try to argue that, so I smile and walk away. When I, as a Catholic, post to threads about such, I post informative things, because most religious debates are, at some point, going to get down to this basic: I believe one thing, you believe another. K? But posting things like “The Bible is right becaose of science!” or “Genesis is clearly wrong!” are, IMNSHO, useless. The majority of the Bible has been apart from science since it first began to be recorded. And if (though I don’t believe it to be) Genesis is wrong, so what? In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter. This officially qualifies as the mildest Pit post ever. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drive-by-jeezer-postings/31362.md?page=2)