# Drivers license/relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2023, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918 "2023-11-30T19:06:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/41 "2023-12-01T04:25:24Z")
I’d like to know as well. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/42 "2023-12-01T04:53:43Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > Why in the past 2 years has he never suggested to her that she use his car? Not 2 years. 4 years. That’s why I posted way up above he must know. Or he’s a moron. Have they never been asked for ID ever? They are of drinking age so I assume it’s come up once or twice. Maybe she carries her passport. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/43 "2023-12-01T05:08:24Z")
In Arkansas you can get an ID card through the DMV. It looks just like a drivers license, I guess it says somewhere on it that it’s not for driving. I figure she has one. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/44 "2023-12-01T05:10:16Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Have they never been asked for ID ever? They are of drinking age so I assume it’s come up once or twice. Maybe she carries her passport. My neighbor’s kid doesn’t drive due to some cognitive issues, but has a state issued ID that looks very much like a driver’s license at first glance. For that matter, so do my parents, who can’t drive due to physical infirmities. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/45 "2023-12-01T11:56:33Z")
Maybe, ya know, she provides some, uh, benefit to him that, uh, he cannot get anywhere else that allows, ya know, the situation to persist with his full knowledge. The whole “okay, what’re you gonna do for me” thing. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/46 "2023-12-01T12:06:07Z")
This thread is Peak American. I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn’t a joke. The way the OP frames her ‘deceit’, I thought she was trying to hide a DUI or something. Honestly, not being able to drive and not bringing it up is hardly a great betrayal. It’s a (lack of) driving license people, she’s not hiding a criminal conviction! ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/47 "2023-12-01T12:43:38Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Honestly, not being able to drive and not bringing it up is hardly a great betrayal. It’s a (lack of) driving license people, she’s not hiding a criminal conviction! It’s kinda the opposite IMO. In any other sane country if you live in a major city it would be entirely feasible for your domestic partner to never find out you don’t drive because you choose not to tell them. How big a deal it is if up to you and your partner, but your decision not to be candid is the deciding factor. In the US that is not the case, almost everywhere in the US, how candid you choose to be with your partner has nothing to with it, they will find out regardless. American society is so car dependent that the fact you don’t drive will become apparent to anyone with a brain in their head. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/48 "2023-12-01T13:29:13Z")
I think it actually goes past they will find out regardless - I think four years is into “either she must have lied to him or he knows and keeps his mouth shut” territory unless they live in a place where they can get around easily by public transportation. And by “easily” , I don’t just mean the general area, I mean is the bus two blocks or two miles away from their house/apartment. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/49 "2023-12-01T14:31:18Z")
My sons have figured out it’s not difficult to find a girlfriend who can’t drive or doesn’t have a car. Even easier if they don’t have a job or a place to live. ETA: Applies to finding boyfriends equally, or maybe more so. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/50 "2023-12-01T15:08:10Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > I thought she was trying to hide a DUI or something. Also I lived in European countries where non-car based lifestyles are very feasible (even the norm), Denmark primarily. And while it would indeed be possible to conceal the fact you can’t drive from your SO, it would not be a completely inconsequential fact to hide from them. It might not be “I have a secret spouse and kids” serious, its not “I don’t like asparagus” either. In the US its completely academic as it is just not practically possible to conceal that fact. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/51 "2023-12-01T17:35:29Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Honestly, not being able to drive and not bringing it up is hardly a great betrayal. It’s a (lack of) driving license people, she’s not hiding a criminal conviction! > [@griffin1977](#): > > American society is so car dependent that the fact you don’t drive will become apparent to anyone with a brain in their head. The US has big cities, too; not everywhere fits the “40 miles to the nearest grocery store” stereotype. Now, nobody is going to break up with their partner because the latter does not drive (how is that a “deception”??) However, one way to annoy someone would be to beg them for rides everywhere and all the time! If you do often need to go 40 miles to the grocery store, and then back, buy your own pick-up truck or something, or, much better yet, move out of the sticks. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/52 "2023-12-01T17:41:46Z")
Like I said, it’s not she _can’t drive_ it’s she has lied to him about it. For a few years. The lil’wrekker told me this morning the woman told her it started with being embarrassed about it. And it just snowballed. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/53 "2023-12-01T17:48:19Z")
> [@DPRK](#): > > The US has big cities, too; not everywhere fits the “40 miles to the nearest grocery store” stereotype. But none of them (with the exception of NYC and _maybe_ San Francisco, though as a long time resident I’m dubious about the latter) can you be so car independent, that you can live with someone (who has a car) and it never come up. America is so car dependent that it will happen, if not in the first week of living together, then with in the first month or two (“hey, we need to go to place X because Y, but I’m not around, could drive over there?”). > [@DPRK](#): > > Now, nobody is going to break up with their partner because the latter does not drive (how is that a “deception”??) However, one way to annoy someone would be to beg them for rides everywhere and all the time! If you do often need to go 40 miles to the grocery store, and then back, buy your own pick-up truck or something, or, much better yet, move out of the sticks. The “deception” part is she hasn’t told her partner, that she lives with (and has a car) that she can’t drive. I’m saying its not much of a deception, as there is absolutely no way he hasn’t worked it out by now. Like the 5th or the 10th, or the 20th time he says “hey, we need to go to place X because Y, but I’m not around, could drive over there?” and she say she can’t (and doesn’t give a reason, and maybe gets upset) he’s gonna work it out, even if he’s not too quick on the uptake. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/54 "2023-12-01T17:53:16Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > But none of them (with the exception of NYC and _maybe_ San Francisco, though as a long time resident I’m dubious about the latter) can you be so car independent, that you can live with someone (who has a car) and it never come up. You can absolutely live in NYC and never know the person you are living with doesn’t have a license - but I’m not so sure you can live in NYC _and have a car_ and not know the person you have been living with for years doesn’t have a license . Even in Manhattan - at some point, the non-driver is going to be asked to move the car to the other side of the street because the driver is sick or busy. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/55 "2023-12-01T18:55:47Z")
I feel like when you don’t ask someone about something that is this obvious, for years, it’s because you don’t really want to know. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/56 "2023-12-01T19:21:35Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > she told my daughter to make sure I didn’t bring it up in front of him WEEEOOOWEEEOOOWEEEOOO When you have to get your friend’s parents on board with keeping a secret from your boyfriend, you’ve stepped into it deep. He may already know and already think it’s not a big deal, but she is actively deceiving him and thinks it’s a big deal to keep up the deception. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker, but it ain’t good. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/57 "2023-12-01T19:23:08Z")
He’s very smart. The lil’wrekker says he’s maybe a genius of some sort. I haven’t been around him but once, so I can’t verify this. Maybe he’s a genius, the type who forgets to wear pants today. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/58 "2023-12-01T19:23:57Z")
Exactly ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/59 "2023-12-01T20:49:44Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Like I said, it’s not she _can’t drive_ it’s she has lied to him about it. For a few years. > > The lil’wrekker told me this morning the woman told her it started with being embarrassed about it. And it just snowballed. The good thing about problems like this is that they’re not our problem. They’ll work it out, or they won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/60 "2023-12-01T20:56:24Z")
Yeah, I know. I just found it thought provoking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918.md?page=4)