# Drivers license/relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2023, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918 "2023-11-30T19:06:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/81 "2023-12-02T17:22:26Z")
I’m talkin’ 'bout [**Shaft**](https://www.valuegolf.com/golf-shafts). ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/82 "2023-12-02T17:28:46Z")
> [@Kropotkin](#): > > Bogey-man! - Now you’re getting into the swing of things. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/83 "2023-12-02T17:42:46Z")
She’s the one who brought it up before she came to my house(not T-day, btw, just a visit of no consequence) She specifically told the Lil’wrekker to make sure I did not say it. I’m all about not talking any more than I have to in front of people. I wasn’t ever gonna say that. If she doesn’t wanna talk about it maybe she oughta shut up. I could careless about her ability to drive. I just wonder how it’s all gonna end. Cause I’m curious. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/84 "2023-12-02T20:22:00Z")
Man, I’m pretty curious now, too! I don’t even know any of them, and I’m dying to give her advice about how to salvage a relationship you’ve potentially poisoned with a lie. You must have great self-control! Or maybe you’re less nosy and pushy than I am! BTW, just a data point: a friend of mine lived in Chicago all his adult life, and neither he nor his girlfriend had a car. They both did have licenses, but they found it easier to rent a car on the odd occasion they wanted to go on a road trip. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/85 "2023-12-03T02:01:50Z")
From way upthread … > [@chappachula](#): > > Actually, this might be an even bigger red flag about their relationship than her not driving: Why in the past 2 years has he never suggested to her that she use his car? That’s okay for roommates, not for a couple. Not quite the same thing, but a potentially interesting story nonetheless … I remarried 2 years ago. We’re both recently retired; we’re not kids. We’ve both had licenses since passing the minimum legal age decades ago. My wife and I each own a car and each drive ourselves without concern day or night. We do live in a highly walkable area and walk lots, but that’s not being driving-avoidant; it’s just easier when you’re only going a half-mile anyhow. At the point early in the relationship when we were sleeping over a lot the topic of using the other person’s car came up somehow. It was unthinkable to her that she would let me drive her car. She’d rather I used her sex toys. Even if my car was in the shop using hers was simply inconceivable. And here we are 2 years later. I’ve never driven her car and know not to ask. She’s apparently been this way since she was first dating guys in college, if not before. When we go someplace together I drive us in my car about 95% of the time. She has never expressed any interest in driving my car and I frankly expect that if I got incapacitated while we were out she’d be unwilling to drive my car home. She’d leave it there and Uber home. She certainly would not take my car to drive to the store while hers was in the shop. Just unthinkable. Cars are very intimate personal possessions. _Tres_ strange IMO, but not a topic for compromise. Sigh. To tie this back to the thread and your comment, I could imagine somebody who thinks letting someone else drive their car is unthinkable might well never raise the idea of using their car to their non-car owning BF/GF who just happens to secretly not have a license. And doubly so if the guy is the driver and the gal is the non-driver. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/86 "2023-12-03T02:18:00Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > To tie this back to the thread and your comment, I could imagine somebody who thinks letting someone else drive their car is unthinkable might well never raise the idea of using their car to their non-car owning BF/GF who just happens to secretly not have a license. This just made me think of another possibility - I will not drive my husband’s car , not even if mine is in the shop. But it has nothing to do with cars being intimate personal possessions. He drives mine all the time and we had only one car until we had kids and we both drove it. It’s because since 1994ish, my vehicle has either been a minivan or an SUV and I am no longer comfortable being in a car, forget driving one. I don’t mean physically comfortable- it’s feeling like an ant when I’m surrounded by much larger vehicles. But I know a lot of women in the reverse position - they won’t drive their SO’s pickup truck or full size van . I suppose BF could own a vehicle he just assumes GF won’t drive and that’s why he never brought the subject up. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/87 "2023-12-03T02:26:13Z")
I have driven others vehicles. I never liked it. Never cared who drove mine. The lil’wrekker will not let anyone drive her car. Actually since I really own it, I could insist. But, it ain’t worth the grief. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/88 "2023-12-03T05:17:21Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > It’s because since 1994ish, my vehicle has either been a minivan or an SUV and I am no longer comfortable being in a car, forget driving one. I don’t mean physically comfortable- it’s feeling like an ant when I’m surrounded by much larger vehicles. I have a friend who drives a big SUV, and is extremely uncomfortable being in a smaller vehicle (either as driver or passenger). She was in a bad car accident over a decade ago, while in a smaller car, and the size of her big SUV is a mental/emotional “security blanket” for her – in a smaller vehicle, she feels very vulnerable. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/89 "2023-12-03T06:02:37Z")
I’m not sure what the point is of posters who live in urban areas with adequate public transportation posting about how they haven’t driven in X-number of years. Obviously, as has been stated, this is _not_ the case with the woman in question. Nobody is doubting the ease of public transportation in NYC, SF, or Chicago. That’s kind of the whole point of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/90 "2023-12-03T06:25:58Z")
Exactly. The lil’wrekker and her are starting the audition process for a production of Mary Poppins this week. I’m sure both will get parts. I betcha she’ll need rides to rehearsals. I’m sure the lil’wrekker will be asked. I’ve no doubt she’ll accommodate her. So I’m gonna press for more info on this situation. Yeah, I’m nosy. I wants to know!😁 ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/91 "2023-12-03T06:35:11Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > If they live in NYC or (maybe) San Francisco, it _might_ not have come up (though San Francisco would be a stretch, IMO its not really that convenient to live “car-free” there… > [@griffin1977](#): > > But none of them (with the exception of NYC and _maybe_ San Francisco, though as a long time resident I’m dubious about the latter) can you be so car independent, that you can live with someone (who has a car) and it never come up. > [@needscoffee](#): > > Nobody is doubting the ease of public transportation in NYC, SF, or Chicago. I only posted to refute the two posters quoted above, who were doubting the ease of public transportation in San Francisco. It doesn’t speak directly to the OP, but more to counter the idea that there is something inherently weird or wrong about people who don’t drive. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/92 "2023-12-03T06:53:50Z")
Of course. I understood you. I don’t really think it’s a problem she doesn’t drive, at all. Hey, she can be her. My problem is why her SO doesn’t know. And why is she lying about it? I think I understand now why it started, the lie, I mean. She told my daughter she was embarrassed at first. But to go so long and not cop to it seems strange to me. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/93 "2023-12-03T07:04:36Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > I only posted to refute the two posters quoted above, who were doubting the ease of public transportation in San Francisco. My apologies, I didn’t catch that. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/94 "2023-12-03T07:29:49Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > One thing is certain, if they have children together this will become a serious issue. Why? I didn’t get a car driver’s licence until two days after my first kid was born (I was aged 34). And if I hadn’t, it would not have become a serious issue. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > She rides a bike alot. Bicycle or motorbike? ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/95 "2023-12-03T07:37:49Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > This thread is Peak American. Isn’t it just? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/96 "2023-12-03T07:42:51Z")
Bicycle ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/97 "2023-12-03T07:48:26Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > I didn’t get a car driver’s licence until two days after my first kid was born (I was aged 34). And if I hadn’t, it would not have become a serious issue. Having a child requires a LOT of doctor’s appointments. And while it’s really nice if your SO comes to some of them, he’s unlikely to want to attend them all. Then there’s all the kid appointments that follow, and the need to be able to leave any party or event if the kid gets cranky or something. I just don’t think it can be done without serious inconvenience in mid-sized town USA. To be clear, Celtling’s Dad was legally blind, so I know whereof I speak. He refused to use public transportation and expected me to drive him everywhere. And of course, I was the only one on call if Celtling got sick at daycare or something. It was a serious. problem. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/98 "2023-12-03T07:59:21Z")
Here, the schools are county wide. Bussing is a huge PITA. For many reasons. The length of time mine would’ve been in a bus a day was laughable. I had to drive all 4 for an interminable amount of years. All their extracurricular activities, as well. I feel like I spent way too many years in a car. No one was gonna bring them from after school band practice or football or whatever. It was too far away. It was imperative I drove. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/99 "2023-12-03T08:15:48Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Having a child requires a LOT of doctor’s appointments Chidren can be carried on public transport, motorbikes and even bicycles. That and living within easy walk of a clinic, for us, of course, but that’s not everyone, I know… And as a SAH Dad at the time, I was the one doing the appointments after the first 3 months. I used my new-found car powers some of the time, but otherwise just walked or took the train. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Bicycle So she _has_ personal transport. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918/100 "2023-12-03T08:21:51Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Even in Manhattan - at some point, the non-driver is going to be asked to move the car to the other side of the street because the driver is sick or busy. Are you equating “no licence” with “can’t drive”? Because even _before_ I got my licence, I would have done the above. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drivers-license-relationship/993918.md?page=6)