# Dubious Baby Milestones **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186 "2014-02-12T20:45:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/21 "2014-02-12T23:33:49Z")
These are great! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/22 "2014-02-12T23:39:36Z")
First time the baby stretches out its arms and shouts ‘DADA!!!’…at a completely inappropriate stranger in the supermarket queue. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/23 "2014-02-12T23:55:51Z")
First collision with coffee table resulting in a bump on the head the size & shape of a chicken egg. First public outing with child and ‘head egg’ and resulting paranoia about when a bystander will call the police (first kid - 2nd got an egg, but no paranoia). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/24 "2014-02-13T01:20:44Z")
First time you need to call the plumber because something inappropriate got flushed. First time you realize that your child just did something that when you were not a parent you said “my child will never…” ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/25 "2014-02-13T02:32:05Z")
First time toddler and friend decide to play barbershop with a pair of scissors. “Now it’s your turn Scott!” ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/26 "2014-02-13T02:59:20Z")
First time you wish your kid hadn’t learned to say the local equivalent of “Mum”. First time they answer the phone and say you are there to someone you do \*not \*wish to be at home to. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/27 "2014-02-13T03:04:00Z")
First time they announce to everyone in a public bathroom that you just pooped. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/28 "2014-02-13T06:47:06Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > I am making a baby shower gift for a friend And on the very, very last page of the book: jump ahead a couple of decades, and write “you making the first toast at her wedding”. (Yeah, it’s corny. But it’s also heartwarming, when said by a good friend who intends to be there 25-30 years from now.) ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/29 "2014-02-13T09:27:23Z")
First time you have to wipe snot off your lip while faking enthusiasm for the kiss you just received. First time your child pulls your top down in public, flashing your breast (or bra). ---
**Author:** ![Charley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/97f17d/32.png) [@Charley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charley)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/30 "2014-02-13T11:07:08Z")
I was sure someone else would say… First time they poop in the bath First time they poop in the bath they’re sharing with an older sibling ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/31 "2014-02-13T13:45:41Z")
\*First time you realize that every shirt you own now has a stain on the shoulder that won’t come out. \*First diaper changer after feeding baby anything with meat. \*First toy fished out of the input port of your computer/electronics \*First time you say “screw it” to pretty froo-froo diapers & just get the Costco Box. \*First time you punch your husband in the balls to remind him its his turn to feed the baby. \*First time you look in the mirror and see one of those parents that you and your friends used to make fun of at the Mall. (Bonus Points if your cheerful reaction is, “Yeah!? Eff-You…!”) \*First time you catch yourself starting to sing along with the kids songs on a kid show on PBS… because you know all the words. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/32 "2014-02-13T14:17:55Z")
Babies First Blood. Usually drawn with those sharp little fingernails. Babies First Blood Part II First time baby beats up a grownup making them say “Ow ow ow stop it.” Baby sings its first song. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/33 "2014-02-13T14:23:08Z")
First time you say “insert phrase you swore you would never say” ie, Because I said so that’s why Other advanced pages - First time they bring home a terrifying date. First time you catch them lying First time they are grounded First time they declare “I hate you” First time they declare “You are not my mommy any more” First time you respond to one of those with “Thank god” instead of tears First time they break something by throwing a ball inside the house. Bonus points if you’ve just said Do NOT throw that ball in the house. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/34 "2014-02-13T15:09:12Z")
First time kid runs full steam off the end of the dock into the lake. First time kid rides bike downhill into a thorn tree with 2-cm spikes. First time kid leaves favourite toy in driveway to be run over. First time kid gets chased and bitten by a dog. First time kid bites another kid at school. Yeah, I remember doing all those. Except I don’t remember doing the last one. Mom said that was the first day of kindergarten for me… ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/35 "2014-02-13T22:00:00Z")
First time you say something like, “Don’t make me stop this car.” & realize that you HAVE turned into your own parent. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/36 "2014-02-13T23:23:18Z")
First time toddler is standing outside in a pool of urine. First time toddler climbs out of crib. And announces it. First time baby bites wife’s nipple. First time toddler steals baby’s pacifier. Baby shrieks. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2014, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/37 "2014-02-14T00:20:35Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > First diaper-capacity-exceeding poop. Bonus points for a blowout that makes it up to baby’s hair. ---
**Author:** ![kjbrasda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/74df32/32.png) [@kjbrasda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjbrasda)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/38 "2014-02-14T00:59:54Z")
First time they peek at a stranger under the bathrom stall door. First time you find them standing on the kitchen counters. First time the toddler decided to feed the infant and they are both covered in peanut butter. (Seems to be a family tradition here.) First time a word they try to say comes out like a naughty word. (No, ‘chalk,’ honey!) First time they get head or other body part stuck somewhere it shouldn’t have been. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2014, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/39 "2014-02-14T01:25:16Z")
First time toddler cuts their own hair. StG ---
**Author:** ![kjbrasda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/74df32/32.png) [@kjbrasda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjbrasda)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2014, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186/40 "2014-02-14T01:59:51Z")
First time you find something in their diaper they should not have swallowed. (Glitter poo!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dubious-baby-milestones/681186.md?page=3)