# Dude: are you 50 or 15????? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2018, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279 "2018-01-23T06:07:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/21 "2018-01-23T14:41:34Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > I can understand your friend being upset - you made a commitment then you broke it. > > What confuses me is that you made the commitment without realising that your wife would (a) want to watch the same event and (b) wouldn’t want to watch it at this location. If you’ve been married for 23 years, wouldn’t you already have an inkling on that? Excellent point. Plenty of non-ideal behavior to go around. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/22 "2018-01-23T15:09:55Z")
I think you should divorce the wife and marry the friend. He’s totally in love with you, dude! ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/23 "2018-01-23T15:26:15Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > I can understand your friend being upset - you made a commitment then you broke it. > > What confuses me is that you made the commitment without realising that your wife would (a) want to watch the same event and (b) wouldn’t want to watch it at this location. If you’ve been married for 23 years, wouldn’t you already have an inkling on that? The **OP** said his wife doesn’t like football. So is it fair to take him to task for not expecting her to say that she wants to watch a football game all of a sudden? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/24 "2018-01-23T16:17:31Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > The teams were just decided. \*Were \*they tho? Both of them? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/25 "2018-01-23T17:21:37Z")
Sounds like you aren’t besties. If your wife is willing to do you a favor and go to “his” bar, great. You owe her one. Otherwise, stick with the wife. It sounds like you’d rather spend the time with her. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/26 "2018-01-23T17:59:52Z")
By accepting your friends invite were you also including your wife as part of the deal w/o discussing it with her? She would have the right to put you in your place as you should not be making plans for her as if she is your child. ---
**Author:** ![StrTrkr777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@StrTrkr777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrTrkr777)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/27 "2018-01-23T18:39:46Z")
My wife is defintely not a fan of the Foosball. She thinks it is stupid when they run up the middle and get no where. She complained often during the CFP game and the Falcons playoff game. Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together. Was this odd of her to want to go with you? And since we are talking rooting for the Pats, it is not like there is not several years worth of history to know the answer to that. If you normally go with a buddy and she stays home, then ask her why this year is different. If she normally goes but you do not normally go to a bar (that bar), then it is understandable. But the friend’s reponse does seem out of line. My best buddy might razz me if I changed plans on him, but he knows my wife well and knows that we do things together. Of course, he also knows that the SuperBowl party is at his house. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/28 "2018-01-23T18:56:26Z")
It’s hard to tell from the OP, but I think he’s an Eagles fan based on the sports threads I’ve read and participated in. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/29 "2018-01-23T19:48:52Z")
I’m on nobody’s side here, I think there’s bad behavior all around. 1. you made plans to go watch the game with someone at a sports bar, apparently w/o your wife being part of those plans (initially) because she doesn’t like football 2. your wife decides to invite herself and insists on a change of venue 3. despite this guy being your “best friend for 30 years,” you agree to the venue change w/o considering your “best friend,” and 4. your “best friend” takes it as though he’s a petulant child. a rare case where everyone is wrong to some degree. edit: just to give my POV some context: > [@StrTrkr777](#): > > Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together. I’ve never understood why some people think a relationship means “from now on we will always do everything together and only ever spend time with each other.” to me that in and of itself sounds rather immature. if you can’t trust your gf/wife or bf/husband to spend time with their friends every once in a while, your relationship sounds like it’s eventually going to fail. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/30 "2018-01-23T20:47:32Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > 1. your “best friend” takes it as though he’s a petulant child. > > . I dunno. All I saw in the opening post from the friend were two snippy text comments. Not sure if that qualifies as a petulant child by my standards. If I were the friend in this case though, I think I would take the classier route. Text back, “Okay, whatever. Go Pats.” And then I would make a note to myself to make plans with Artie for fun stuff from now on. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/31 "2018-01-23T20:54:32Z")
they were worse than snippy, IMO; they come off as snide and whiny. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/32 "2018-01-23T21:24:50Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > they were worse than snippy, IMO; they come off as snide and whiny. Is there a scale of degree between snippy and snide? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/33 "2018-01-23T21:55:45Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Is there a scale of degree between snippy and snide? I think there is. Snippy is a knee jerk, unintended reaction. Snide is a more deliberate reaction. IMO. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2018, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/34 "2018-01-23T23:26:48Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > So I have a friend who I’ve known for 30 years and last night we make plans to watch the Super Bowl together at his favorite sports bar. When I come home and tell my wife, she says actually she would like to see the Super Bowl but wants no part of this sports bar. In retrospect, the plan you made should have had a caveat – sounds good, let me check with my wife and get back to you tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/35 "2018-01-24T00:06:16Z")
I think friend is acting immaturely. From my perspective, you communicated that you’d rather be with your wife. He may be taking it out on your wife but the real message is he’s not hearing you say what’s important to you. It’s also clear this isn’t a one time thing, it sounds like you’ve been frustrated with him for a while. I’m really glad Sr. Weasel hates sports. But if he liked them, he’d be doing that shit on his own. It’s pretty cool your wife has been a part of this with you despite her indifference. I can tell you love her. Having that is worth preserving. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/36 "2018-01-24T00:24:16Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > In retrospect, the plan you made should have had a caveat – sounds good, let me check with my wife and get back to you tonight. I would invoke the Seinfeld Rule here: all plans between men are _tentative_. If an opportunity arises to do something with a woman instead, all men are allowed to cancel the original plans. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/37 "2018-01-24T01:50:14Z")
> [@StrTrkr777](#): > > Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together. I’m cringing at that. I need to thank my wife that I can go watch whatever I want with whomever I want. Tonight’s one of the few nights we’re together watching TV. Last night I was teaching, then stopped at a brewery with some teachers and students til 10. Let’s see, Monday night? Oh, she didn’t come home from work, so I walked dogs and she texted that she’d gotten coffee with a friend and was now at Target. Sunday I went right from church to the local tavern and watched football til evening … I asked her if she wanted to come and she just snorted. Wishing everyone here true love and time to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/38 "2018-01-24T02:18:46Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > I would invoke the Seinfeld Rule here: all plans between men are _tentative_. If an opportunity arises to do something with a woman instead, all men are allowed to cancel the original plans. To be clear I think this is a fine rule IF you’re a Seinfeld type. He threw away a brand new belt because it touched a urinal:D He is nowhere near a bud/bro/dude. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I asked the OP early on, if he was subject to stupid macho bro code bullcrap. He hasn’t answered that question directly yet. On the second point" the opportunity to do something with a woman" That has never been about placating your wife when she invites herself to a guy event. That is about getting some strange. There is nothing wrong with being a family man. There is nothing wrong with being part of polite society that sees bro shit as juvenile. It seems to me the OP is a polite family man. You can stay in a hotel on vacation…but don’t tell me you were roughing it in Montana. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/39 "2018-01-24T21:03:37Z")
I would cancel my Super Bowl plans to spend the time with my wife … then act pouty and grouchy the whole time so she never makes that mistake again … she does that to you, it’s fair to do it back to her … ---
**Author:** ![StrTrkr777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@StrTrkr777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrTrkr777)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279/40 "2018-01-24T21:43:58Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > I’ve never understood why some people think a relationship means “from now on we will always do everything together and only ever spend time with each other.” to me that in and of itself sounds rather immature. if you can’t trust your gf/wife or bf/husband to spend time with their friends every once in a while, your relationship sounds like it’s eventually going to fail. A couple of people commented on a portion of a post I made. {Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together.} - Me Just for some context. 1. We are about to celebrate 26 yrs of marriage, so I would say whatever we are doing works for us. 2. I am not suggesting that others conduct their marriage or relationships as I do 3. We share a lot of the same interests, that is what lead us to believe that we would be a great couple (we both like the same TV shows and movies and recreational activities, about the only thing we do not have in common is I like Football and she does not) 4. We are completely ok with doing things with friends and separately, we just spend most of our non-work hours together because we enjoy each others company. 5. We don’t make plans without discussing it with the other, because that is how we live our lives. 6. Of all of my friends, I have more in common with my wife than I do with any of them, so why would I not want to hang out with her. I am not sure why the comments bother me. I guess that happens on message boards. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-are-you-50-or-15/807279.md?page=3)