# Dude gropes the wrong waitress and gets his ass handed to him. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 20, 2018, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266 "2018-07-20T12:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![SaneBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SaneBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaneBill)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/121 "2018-07-25T08:50:47Z")
> [@blob](#): > > This was in the USA. Most US citizens wear western dress, not hijabs and full tunics. EVERYBODY SHOWS SKIN, even that nun. If this bloke was so triggered (and he hasn’t said so, you’ve just dreamt that up) he should be incarcerated for life because he’s a danger to others. > > geez. seriously. How hard is it to keep your sodding hands to yourself? Right, this guy grabbed her face. Is that what you’re saying ? or did he perhaps grab every single woman that happened be on his way ? If not, then there has to be some reason why he chose this particular woman. Now I wonder what it might have been. Any suggestions ? And for some it really seems to be too hard to keep his sodding hands to himself and they should have a lesson. That’s why I said I’m fine if it was a trap. DON’T TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK I’M DEFENDING THIS GUY, YOU IDIOT ! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/122 "2018-07-25T08:51:56Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > Right, this guy grabbed her face. Is that what you’re saying ? or did he perhaps grab every single woman that happened be on his way ? If not, then there has to be some reason why he chose this particular woman. Now I wonder what it might have been. Any suggestions ? Yeah. He thought he could get away with it. He thought wrong. ---
**Author:** ![SaneBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SaneBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaneBill)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/123 "2018-07-25T08:53:32Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Yeah… And there’s another one. Piss off ! ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/124 "2018-07-25T08:55:49Z")
> [@sanebill](#): > > now i wonder what it might have been. Any suggestions ? because he’s a sex offender ---
**Author:** ![SaneBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SaneBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaneBill)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/125 "2018-07-25T09:10:03Z")
> [@blob](#): > > because he’s a sex offender Indeed. And she did a right thing ignoring the fact that there have been many cases before. At least that’s what many of you seem to suggest. All I’m saying here is: DON’T BE AN EASY PREY. How hard is that to understand ? I’M NOT DEFENDING THIS GUY, I’M SAYING DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIS KIND. There are lots of guys like him loose, taking this one down hardly reduces their number. How the hell you twist warning about these guys into being on their side ? That’s really perverted. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/126 "2018-07-25T09:49:32Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > Have you lost your minds !? Of course what she wore played a part on this. You really think he would’ve just as easily groped her if she wore a nun’s habit. > > He saw some skin and it triggered him to do it. If he hadn’t seen skin, who knows. > And I’m not saying that it was her fault or that she asked for it, you idiots. Like it wasn’t her fault to born a female. But just face it, she put herself at risk. There’s a difference between being at fault and being too trusting. You must consider the fact that there are gropers around, especially when they apparently already thought it being a problem. > > A cynic in me says that this was a trap. And if it was I’ve no problem with it, HE asked for it. > > Also I think your attitude is dangerous. You’re essentially saying that there’s nothing anybody can do to protect themselves. **AND THAT IS UNBELIEVABLY STUPID !** Sorry, no. It wasn’t a trap, he wasn’t triggered by seeing skin, she has a right to wear whatever she likes and he is the only one to blame. She protected herself quite well. You seem to be saying don’t wear sexy clothes so as not become an “opportunity” for a sex offender to cop a feel. We are saying that guys like that will do it regardless of what you’re wearing, and to suggest that she is somehow at fault for wearing clothes that brought out the worst in him is a really perverted notion. Instead of saying that he might not have done if only she had been wearing something a little more covering, consider the flip side-how much fabric should she have worn to protect herself from creeps like this? ETA: what’s the safe outfit between a bikini and a burka? And who decides what she- or I, or any woman- should wear to be safe from being touched by a stranger? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/127 "2018-07-25T10:13:46Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > Indeed. And she did a right thing ignoring the fact that there have been many cases before. At least that’s what many of you seem to suggest. > > All I’m saying here is: DON’T BE AN EASY PREY. > How hard is that to understand ? I’M NOT DEFENDING THIS GUY, I’M SAYING DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIS KIND. There are lots of guys like him loose, taking this one down hardly reduces their number. > > How the hell you twist warning about these guys into being on their side ? That’s really perverted. Waitresses in all sorts of outfits get groped all the time. “Don’t be easy prey” might make sense if this was about walking through a dark parking garage in a bad neighborhood. You mean “Don’t be tempting prey”, and the fact of the matter is that working as a waitress is the far greater factor here. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/128 "2018-07-25T11:22:48Z")
If seeing skin triggers you into grabbing it, then you have some huge, huge problems. Most people could even see a completely nude woman and remain in control of their hands. Though I genuinely suspect you are a troll, since no thinking person could possibly believe what you said. Even people who try to victim blame do it better than you did. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/129 "2018-07-25T11:50:05Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > He saw some skin and it triggered him to do it. No. Absolutely no. He wasn’t “triggered.” He made a choice. And people make choices to commit sexual assault on all kinds of victims, dressed all kinds of ways. YOU CAN’T PROTECT YOURSELF BY THE WAY YOU DRESS. And expecting potential victims to change the way they dress to “protect” themselves is blaming the victim. That waitress should be able to walk around that restaurant bare-ass naked if she wants and feel perfectly safe that no customer is going to grope her. That’s the lesson that men in this society need to learn. On the other hand, if the restaurant is forcing its female servers to wear clothing they’re not comfortable with to attract customers who want some eye candy, that might be something to discuss. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/130 "2018-07-25T11:52:19Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > All I’m saying here is: DON’T BE AN EASY PREY. > How hard is that to understand ? I’M NOT DEFENDING THIS GUY, I’M SAYING DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIS KIND. It’s just as easy for him to grope her regardless of what she chooses to wear. Women should expect to be able to go out in public wearing whatever the fuck they want to wear and feeling equally safe. That’s a perfectly realistic expectation. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/131 "2018-07-25T12:20:49Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > All I’m saying here is: DON’T BE AN EASY PREY. > How hard is that to understand ? I’M NOT DEFENDING THIS GUY, I’M SAYING DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIS KIND. There are lots of guys like him loose, taking this one down hardly reduces their number. Right. She should cover herself head to toe in shapeless cloth, and she shouldn’t leave home unless accompanied by an adult male relative. Anything less conservative than this is just an attractive nuisance. \ > [@SaneBill](#): > > DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIS KIND. She didn’t. He is now having a very hard time. Taking this guy down, _and publicizing the hell out of it,_ likely _does_ give a bunch of like-minded guys pause; they will think twice the next time they see such an opportunity, wondering whether the victim will fight back, and wondering whether there’s a camera present to record the evidence. If enough jerks like this guy get called out for their assholery, it’s just possible we may see a culture shift that greatly reduces the incidence of this kind of behavior. Here’s hoping… ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/132 "2018-07-25T12:30:42Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > A cynic in me says that this was a trap. > [@SaneBill](#): > > DON’T TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK I’M DEFENDING THIS GUY Why would I? You seem to be doing just fine on your own. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/133 "2018-07-25T13:46:12Z")
> [@SaneBill](#): > > Indeed. And she did a right thing ignoring the fact that there have been many cases before. At least that’s what many of you seem to suggest. > > All I’m saying here is: DON’T BE AN EASY PREY. > How hard is that to understand ? I’M NOT DEFENDING THIS GUY, I’M SAYING DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIS KIND. There are lots of guys like him loose, taking this one down hardly reduces their number. > > How the hell you twist warning about these guys into being on their side ? That’s really perverted. You’re a bad person. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/134 "2018-07-25T13:50:45Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > Well, then perhaps he’d like to reword it since the first three posters after he wrote that all took it exactly the same way. Of course, I’m not sure how it could be interpreted to mean anything except that her clothing somehow played a part in her being groped. If he didn’t think it did, why bring it up at all? Well, I took it to mean that it is a problem if the restaurant makes its staff dress like that. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/135 "2018-07-25T13:59:04Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Well, I took it to mean that it is a problem if the restaurant makes its staff dress like that. Wearing revealing outfits for a job is a different issue, which isn’t too problematic IMO as long as the waitresses have a realistic (i.e. _de facto_ as well as _de jure_) option of taking other jobs where that isn’t expected. It certainly doesn’t excuse a customer who can’t follow the basic rule “look but don’t touch”. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/136 "2018-07-25T13:59:29Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Well, I took it to mean that it is a problem if the restaurant makes its staff dress like that. There’s a difference between saying that a restaurant should think twice about mandating uniforms that servers feel uncomfortable in and saying that the uniforms are to blame for the bad behavior of customers. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/137 "2018-07-25T14:00:20Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > It certainly doesn’t excuse a customer who can’t follow the basic rule “look but don’t touch”. I agree totally. I was just responding to those who took a part of a sentence from another poster one way, while I took it another. That’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/138 "2018-07-25T14:04:24Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > There’s a difference between saying that a restaurant should think twice about mandating uniforms that servers feel uncomfortable in and saying that the uniforms are to blame for the bad behavior of customers. Sigh. I’m going to bow out of this part of the discussion now and let \*\*Chronos \*\*explain what he meant if he feels like it. I will, however, continue to express disbelief that **Chronos** , of all posters, is seriously blaming the woman because of the clothes she wore. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/139 "2018-07-25T14:10:41Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > They never want to understand it’s all the attacker’s fault, b/c then it could happen to anyone, even them or the people they love. That’s exactly what one of the guys from [la manada](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Manada_sexual_abuse_case) has had the bollocks to say. “It could happen to anyone” that you go to a public town-wide party and gang-rape a woman, because hey, apparently five guys can be so clumsy their dicks just fall into a vagina whose covering trousers they’ve removed. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266/140 "2018-07-25T14:18:36Z")
I’m expressing disbelief that **Chronos** would say that, too. Can you point to any post I’ve made which could possibly be construed as meaning that it’s her fault because of what she wore? Because the one I made in this thread clearly said that there was no problem with her wearing whatever she wants. I’m not sure you how you get from that to “it’s her fault”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dude-gropes-the-wrong-waitress-and-gets-his-ass-handed-to-him/818266.md?page=8)