# Dumb as a... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 8, 2001, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157 "2001-11-08T08:08:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/1 "2001-11-08T08:08:30Z")
A post in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=97593) reminded me of a thread I was wnting to start. I need some new “dumb as a” expressions. The classics are of course “dumb as a bag of hammers” and “dumb as a box of rocks” (or “box of hair” as an alternate). But I need some new ones. So far the best among several lame attempts is “dumb as a suitcase full of hats.” I know y’all can do better than that. Little help? ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/2 "2001-11-08T08:48:16Z")
Trying to avoid the “s dumb as a (container) of (objects)” the only thing I can come up with is “As dumb as a walrus BASE jumping without a parachute.” How about “As dumb as a star of popular TV show leaving it to pursue a career making intermittent and uniformly terrible films.” Too unwieldy? ---
**Author:** ![longjohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@longjohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/longjohn)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/3 "2001-11-08T11:07:15Z")
not quite in the same form: “not the sharpest tool in the box” or “not the brightest bulb in the hallway” ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/4 "2001-11-08T12:10:35Z")
As dumb as a dumb person doing something really…dumb. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/5 "2001-11-08T13:17:55Z")
As dumb as a quilted bikini. As dumb as a handle on a bowling ball. As dumb as a leather parachute. As dumb as a tap dancer in a minefield. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/6 "2001-11-08T13:18:16Z")
Dumb as a stump. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/7 "2001-11-08T13:19:11Z")
That boy’s about as sharp as a sack full of wet mice. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/8 "2001-11-08T13:57:50Z")
dumb as a teenager in a whorehouse sharp as a ball peen hammer the shortest crayon in the box “too dumb to pour piss out of a boot with the instructions printed on the heel” Lyndon Johnson ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/9 "2001-11-08T14:53:16Z")
Dumb as a fence post. Not really a dumb as but I like _as useless as tits on a boar hog too._ ---
**Author:** ![annalamerino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@annalamerino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/annalamerino)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/10 "2001-11-08T15:00:45Z")
\*\*Dumb as a box of mimes. \*\*(Playing on “dumb” also meaning mute)(And the fact that mimes love that dumb air-box) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/11 "2001-11-08T15:02:46Z")
Dumb as a screen door on a submarine (It alliterates better as “stupid as a screen door. . .”) Dumb as a brick wall and twice as funny Dumb as a Ken doll in a porn film ---
**Author:** ![uberDave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f04885/32.png) [@uberDave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uberDave)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/12 "2001-11-08T15:11:21Z")
Not a ‘dumb as’ but feel free to use this as necessary… “tighter than a preacher’s cock in a heffers ass”. Works well when removing nails or unscrewing the lid on the pickle jar. 😃 Dave ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/13 "2001-11-08T15:39:05Z")
Then of course you have the “(blank) short of a (blank)” series: 2 tacos short of a combination plate 2 beers short of a six pack a sandwich short of a picnic and so on… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/14 "2001-11-08T15:44:56Z")
[Beavis voice] Heh heh, you said box of hair. Heh heh. [/Beavis voice] Dumb as a push-up pop. If dumb was dirt, he’d cover about an acre. If brains were leather, he couldn’t saddle a flea. He’s 'bout as sharp as a mashed potato. He’s got an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt. He’s a french fry short of a Happy Meal. If brains were gas,he couldn’t drive a go-cart around a cheerio. ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/15 "2001-11-08T15:48:55Z")
Dad always told me I was “dumber than a coalbucket”. And then he’d tell me I “couldn’t find my butt with both hands and a map”. I love my Dad! (no, really!) I personally like “daft as a brush”. ---
**Author:** ![Palve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Palve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palve)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/16 "2001-11-08T16:04:09Z")
Sharp as a marble ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/17 "2001-11-08T16:22:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > \*\*And then he’d tell me I “couldn’t find my butt with both hands and a map”. \*\* My dad always used to say that some people “couldn’t find their ass with both hands and a flashlight.” I still use that one to this day ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/18 "2001-11-08T16:33:20Z")
Good Britishism: “thick as two short planks.” ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/19 "2001-11-08T17:03:11Z")
I heard this used a few years ago while in Arkansas: “That boy’s dumber than a turd in a bucket. If you shove his brain up a gnats ass, it will rattle like a BB in a box-car.” Dumber than a house plant. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/20 "2001-11-08T17:38:39Z")
My favorite: Dumber than a ditch carp. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157.md?page=2)