# Dumb as a... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 8, 2001, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157 "2001-11-08T08:08:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsa)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/41 "2001-11-09T17:46:06Z")
**Dumb as a doorknob.** ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/42 "2001-11-09T17:54:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > \*\*Dad always told me I was “dumber than a coalbucket”. And then he’d tell me I “couldn’t find my butt with both hands and a map”. I love my Dad! (no, really!) > > I personally like “daft as a brush”. \*\* In our family, the expression was “both hands and a flashlight.” Funny, isn’t it what parents come up with? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/43 "2001-11-10T00:09:28Z")
A classic one from Foghorn Leghorn: “That boy’s about as sharp as a mashed potato sandwich!” ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/44 "2001-11-10T01:47:28Z")
…and another from the olde south: You put his brain on the edge of a razor blade and it would look like a bb shot rolling down a four lane highway! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/45 "2001-11-10T03:37:33Z")
“He’s only got two brain cells, and they aren’t on speaking terms.” ---
**Author:** ![schplebordnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@schplebordnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schplebordnik)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/46 "2001-11-10T04:04:14Z")
The wheel’s still spinning, but the hamster’s dead. ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Earthworm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dirty\_Earthworm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Earthworm)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/47 "2001-11-10T05:16:30Z")
So-and-so has the intelligence of a piece of toast. Sharp as a bowling ball. (S)he’s so stupid, when (s)he walks into a room, the collective I.Q. drops. If brains were candy, you’d have a lot of unhappy trick-or-treaters. (A Syko-ism, especially good for use arond Halloween.) [Mr. Anderson (from Beavis and Butt-head)/] That boy ain’t right. [/Mr. Anderson] (Did I do the “other person’s voice” thing right? It was my first time.) -Syko ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/48 "2001-11-10T06:45:12Z")
“So dumb he’d fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb.” “So few brain cells, he knows them by name.” Or to describe someone who is physically attractive while mentally challenged: “Nice cage. No bird.” ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/49 "2001-11-10T07:26:50Z")
From my grandfather: He ain’t got the brains the good lord give a squirrel. He don’t know whether he’s pitchin or catchin. He’s all vine and no 'taters. Stupid as a stick and twice as ugly. I sure do miss my Pawpaw! One time he was talking about a guy I was seeing. He said, “The only spark that boy’s got is from the rocks crashing together in his skull.” And ya know, he was right. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/50 "2001-11-10T10:26:12Z")
dumb as a barnacle (ask Wind Sorceress or Dragon Shadow…) Fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down. don’t make him/her think, it’ll blow out his/her brains ---
**Author:** ![Agent0069](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@Agent0069](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent0069)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/51 "2001-11-10T18:24:14Z")
::“not the sharpest tool in the shed”, followed closely by “not the sharpest knife in the drawer” ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/52 "2001-11-10T20:52:56Z")
As think as [James Joyce’s] Ulyesses and half as intelligible. His brain is like the South Boise Specticled Weasel Hawk – non-existant. Dumb as a porn star but with more natural ingrediants. (Think about it.) Think eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain his long since departed. (_Blackadder II_) ---
**Author:** ![donkeyoatey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@donkeyoatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/donkeyoatey)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/53 "2001-11-11T19:05:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > **Dumb as a fence post.** Always said that as “dumb as a post.” (maybe even this one :)) ---
**Author:** ![flickerwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/13edae/32.png) [@flickerwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickerwolf)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/54 "2001-11-11T19:23:16Z")
The last post reminds me of an incident that happened some years ago. I was over at my friend Sarah’s house and she had invited a bunch of people, including our close friend Eric. I was schmoozing around in her room with Eric and a few other people and I happened to pick up a book entitled “Things That Never Were”. Meanwhile Eric had made a cheap joke about my studiousness that wasn’t terribly funny…but then, I said aloud, in a drawl: “‘Things That Never Were’, hmm…now, lets see(flipping through book) ah yes.(Pointing at page)…ERIC’S BRAIN!” 'Twas funny. I dunno if it fits in with this thread or not but I assume you fellow Dopers will flame my socks off isf you judge it not to. Do your duty. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TheOtherOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TheOtherOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOtherOne)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/55 "2001-11-11T23:44:48Z")
“If his brains were dynamite, it wouldn’t be enough to blow off his hat” “Truly unhampered by the ravages of an intellect.” “He’s got two braincells left, and they’re bouncing around looking for each other” ---
**Author:** ![cleops](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@cleops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleops)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/56 "2001-11-11T23:52:34Z")
He’s as numb as a pounded thumb ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/57 "2001-11-12T00:12:47Z")
“X had a thought once, it died of lonliness.” ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/58 "2001-11-12T01:49:56Z")
“The mental agility of a small piece of furniture.” ---
**Author:** ![plankter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ba0ec/32.png) [@plankter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plankter)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/59 "2001-11-12T02:13:40Z")
“His little choo-choo has derailed.” ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157/60 "2001-11-13T14:26:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheOtherOne \* > \*\*“If his brains were dynamite, it wouldn’t be enough to blow off his hat” \*\* Another version of this, If brains were gunpowder he couldn’t blow his nose. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-as-a/92157.md?page=4)