# Dumb jokes you just thought of **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880 "2014-12-10T20:22:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/1 "2014-12-10T20:22:24Z")
At first I thought she was a fount of knowledge about Golden Age cinema, but when she started talking about Otto Premarin I knew she was just taking the piss. Who else has a joke just bubbling on the top of their head? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/2 "2014-12-10T21:08:48Z")
I always have instant jokes bobbing around in the brain soup. But they aren’t retrievable unless triggered. The SO thinks my jokes are dumb, and I can tell I exasperate her. I do remember one impromptu joke I told when I was about six years old. My family was eating at a nautical-themed restaurant. I saw the bill of a sawfish mounted on the wall. I got my mother’s attention, pointed to it, and said ‘Look! A _sea_-saw!’ Well, my mom thought it was funny. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/3 "2014-12-10T21:50:27Z")
I view the world pretty much non-stop through such a veil of absurd observations. It’s the only way to stay sane. I am particularly prone to half-reading or misreading signs and piecing the message together with Carrollian results. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/4 "2014-12-10T21:52:05Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I am particularly prone to half-reading or misreading signs… Or reading them backwards, or treating them as anagrams. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/5 "2014-12-10T22:10:36Z")
In my case, it’s more often reading “GOOD FAST FOOD” as “GOOD FAT FOOD” and the like. The world’s a funny place. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/6 "2014-12-10T22:14:06Z")
I tell people, ‘I look at the world like this…’ and put on a querying look and tilt my head way over to the side. Life is much more interesting when you look at it askew. ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/7 "2014-12-11T03:29:00Z")
There use to be a sign above the copier at work that had: “Watch out for paper jam.” I always wanted to add: “It doesn’t go with pencil muffins.” I thought that would be really funny. ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/8 "2014-12-11T04:27:12Z")
**Derleth,** I’m glad you started this thread because I came up with a dumb joke just this morning. Did you hear that one of the reindeer had to leave the North Pole? [SPOILER]He was facing e-vixen. (Get it? Eviction=e-vixen. I cracks me up! :p[/SPOILER] ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/9 "2014-12-11T05:50:08Z")
I went to see “The Babadook” last weekend. I decided that’s the best “safe” word we can all use. What else sounds like that word? It’s better than puppy-dog or Limbaugh. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/10 "2014-12-11T16:55:10Z")
My kindergartener was cutting out paper and coloring them like wrapped gifts, so I told her to put a couple on her head and go in and show her mom; when my wife said, “I love them!” my daughter, on cue, said, “THey’re my presents of mind!” The look my wife gave me. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/11 "2014-12-11T23:25:38Z")
I made one up years ago that I deemed clever. It was during the heyday of Leon Spinks’s career, when you saw him frequently on the news. What kind of a drink should you never offer Leon Spinks? Aperitif ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/12 "2014-12-12T01:48:36Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > I made one up years ago that I deemed clever. It was during the heyday of Leon Spinks’s career, when you saw him frequently on the news. > > What kind of a drink should you never offer Leon Spinks? > > Aperitif 😃 that is actually hilarious. Well done! ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/13 "2014-12-12T04:57:01Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > … I am particularly prone to half-reading or misreading signs and piecing the message together with Carrollian results. I do the same. A week or two back I noticed a pair of signs in a strip mall: **Surgical Clinic** (or some such thing), next to a hair salon called **Cheap Cuts**. Then tonight I saw one saying **Pet Chiropractor** , and immediately visualized the owner taking his leashed chiropractor for a walk. “Heel! Crack his spine! Good Dogtor!” ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/14 "2014-12-13T04:45:06Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I view the world pretty much non-stop through such a veil of absurd observations. It’s the only way to stay sane. I am particularly prone to half-reading or misreading signs and piecing the message together with Carrollian results. "Hey, why does that hair salon sign have a Magen David on it? And ‘Hair Salon’ isn’t a particularly imaginative name. Wait a minute… " [spoiler]Har Shalom. The only synagogue in town. Unless I find another tonsorial emporium that doesn’t cut… _hair_.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/15 "2014-12-13T06:09:00Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Life is much more interesting when you look at it askew. _Gesundheit!_ ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-jokes-you-just-thought-of/706880/16 "2014-12-13T15:14:53Z")
**teela brown** , you completely made my day! Thank you! That was one of the funniest made-up jokes I have heard in a very long time. My contribution, although it isn’t really a joke, just something I found highly amusing. An Asian grocery store just opened in a strip mall by our house. They put a sign out on the street pointing toward their storefront, with the sign saying, “Asian Marketplace”. The sign over their door is quite small, and can barely be seen from the street. Unfortunately, the store right next door to theirs has a very large sign over their door, plus a large sign on their window. This store’s name is “Lice Resources”, and specializes in helping with lice removal solutions. So, I was driving down the street, I see a sign that says, “Asian Marketplace”, I look to my right to see the store, and see, “Lice Resources”. I howled!