# Dumb, obvious jokes some people can't help but reflexively make **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 21, 2023, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928 "2023-12-21T12:09:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/101 "2023-12-22T23:54:51Z")
Similar to caulk, the Five Guys burger chain has created the real risk that people, on a not infrequent basis, are exclaiming to their coworkers “I could really go for 5 Guys today.” ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/102 "2023-12-23T00:08:40Z")
“Well, you know what they say about assume, it makes an ass out of u and me.” I haven’t used that word aloud since my boss said it to me decades ago. ---
**Author:** ![dougrb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@dougrb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougrb)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/103 "2023-12-23T01:02:04Z")
I’m guessing I first heard the “assume” phrase 39 years ago. I never repeated it but I did hear it a few times. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/104 "2023-12-23T01:16:32Z")
I think I first heard it in an episode of the old _Odd Couple_ TV series…it ran from 1970 through 1975. So, that was over 40 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/105 "2023-12-23T13:39:37Z")
A couple years ago there was a commercial featuring a camel roaming thru a typical office, presumable on a Wednesday, exclaiming to everyone “…what day is it? WHAT. DAY. IS. IT??” and of course for a while people (including me) were parroting that and “Hump-DAY!!” and “…mike mike mike mike mike…” The spot hasn’t been shown in a while ao I don’t hear it as much any more. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/106 "2023-12-23T13:41:33Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > “Well, you know what they say about assume > **[When You Assume](https://m.xkcd.com/1339/)** > > You know what happens when you assert--you make an ass out of the emergency response team. ---
**Author:** ![f.coli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eada6e/32.png) [@f.coli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/f.coli)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/107 "2023-12-23T14:02:16Z")
In 1994, Republicans introduced the Contract With America, a set of legislative goals they were promising to enact if they won the majority in the House of Representatives. Of course, the Democrats wittily labeled it the Contract _On_ America. Over and over and over. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/108 "2023-12-23T14:30:44Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > There’s some overlap here with this thread. > > [Was this compliment inappropriate?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817) As the OP said, this thread was inspired by that one. > [@Riemann](#): > > But I am constantly amazed by the much broader phenomenon that most people are terrible at seeing the world from other people’s perspective. You see frequently on here - people write OPs asking for advice in which they seem completely incapable of understanding that many of the facts that are known to them are likely not known to their audience and are critically relevant. This is really wise. Drives me nuts, and not just here on the 'Dope. > [@kayaker](#): > > Most springs at some point I’ll look at a calendar and mention that easter falls on a Sunday this year. I’ll bet 90% of the time the person I’m talking to calmly explains that it is always on a Sunday. I am totally stealing this one. And applying it to Thanksgiving too. > [@GESancMan](#): > > When I called “Tenille” (first name), though, the woman who said “here” was a bit older. I quipped “hmmm, I’m guessing you were born in the mid-70s?” She replied “1975!” I’ve recently met an Ariel and a Leia. Both of the expected age. > [@GESancMan](#): > > I nodded knowingly, and moved on with the roll-call, while the youngsters all looked confused. Back around 2000 when I was 40-ish I used to work in rotating three-man teams. I was always the middle guy, so the lead was usually 5-10 years older and the 3rd was younger, sometimes much younger. One time by luck the lead was Dick and the 3rd was Dan. At the end of the workday I said “Say good night Dick” to which he instantly replied “Good night Dick” and we both started laughing like mad. Some more “Dick and Dan” banter ensued. Young Dan was utterly baffled. Even after we explained it to him. He was 15+ years too young for that silliness. > [@Shoeless](#): > > Years ago I worked with a guy who’s last name was “Batman”. I tried to avoid making any obvious jokes when he was first hired and introduced. I couldn’t imagine going through life with a name like that. I’m sure he’d heard every stupid joke imaginable, multiple times. I’ve told this story before, but as a teen I worked for a man named “Ronald McDonald”. He was in elementary school when the clown was invented. Not an easy life for him. > [@DSeid](#): > > I’m seeing two sorts here … the ones we can’t stand hearing, and the ones we can’t stop ourselves from saying! That’s about the whole story. Collectively we (humanity) are idiots. Insensitive idiots. But proudly insensitive idiots. > [@moes\_lotion](#): > > I managed to inflict a bucket handle tear in the medial meniscus of my right knee that required surgery. At the close of the pre-op visit, the Doctor asked if I had any other questions, so naturally I asked “Will I be able to play the violin after the operation.” He didn’t appear to get the reference, however the younger intern who was present did crack a smile. Now that is how to make a tired joke fresh. Well done Good Sir. If one must do tired jokes, at least freshen them up a bit. Like quickly microwaved week-old bread or perfume on a pig, it makes everything so much better. > [@Moriarty](#): > > are exclaiming to their coworkers > > “I could really go for 5 Guys today.” That’s what _she_ said! 🤪 ---
**Author:** ![Wolf333](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf333/32/3460_2.png) [@Wolf333](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolf333)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/109 "2023-12-23T14:31:30Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Wait, so I’m _not_ supposed to ask the cashier for “one _winning_ lottery ticket, please!” > > > [@griffin1977](#): > > > > Caulk sounds almost exactly like cock! > > Even better…cock is another term for a man’s _penis_! > > > [@xizor](#): > > > > Overheard wayyyyyy too often in the workplace, often by the sales team. > > “Working hard? Or hardly working?” > > “Just living the dream” “Nightmares are dreams too” ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/110 "2023-12-23T14:52:36Z")
> [@Wolf333](#): > > > [@Moriarty](#): > > > > “Just living the dream” > > “Nightmares are dreams too” “I slept like a baby - awake and crying every few hours.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/111 "2023-12-23T15:20:34Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I am totally stealing this one. And applying it to Thanksgiving too. Thanksgiving never falls on Sunday. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/112 "2023-12-23T15:25:51Z")
Today I was texting a friend about being sick and added, “Tis the season.” That seemed pretty lame. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/113 "2023-12-23T16:26:02Z")
I was walking around Midtown Manhattan a few years ago and someone asked me how to get to Carnegie Hall from there. So of course my first answer was “practice!” I then told them it was a few blocks away on 57th and Seventh Ave. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/114 "2023-12-23T16:29:00Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I was walking around Midtown Manhattan a few years ago and someone asked me how to get to Carnegie Hall from there. I don’t think anyone could have passed that up. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/115 "2023-12-23T16:31:13Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > “I slept like a baby - awake and crying every few hours.” I’m hung like a baby - six pounds, eight ounces. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/116 "2023-12-23T16:59:36Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > > [@Wolf333](#): > > > > > [@Moriarty](#): > > > > > > “Just living the dream” > > > > “Nightmares are dreams too” > > “I slept like a baby - awake and crying every few hours.” The other day in a cheapo schlock store I saw a corny “funny” sign you could buy and hang in your home if you were _that_ sort of person. > I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband. Touché young mother; touché. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/117 "2023-12-23T18:51:28Z")
I know I would have found it irresistible. It reminds me of something that happened many years back. My wife and I were driving down a back road. It’s in the suburbs of Philly, so not rural, but some people did raise chickens as a hobby. And sure enough, up the road ahead of us we see a few chickens crossing the road. Well, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for a city boy like me, and somebody has to be the straight man, so I immediately ask her, “Say, why do you think those chickens are crossing the road?” Her reply: “I think they live over there.” I still give her shit over that. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/118 "2023-12-23T21:56:48Z")
Well they got bored at the playground they’ve been at: they’re going to the other slide. My favorite was when I threw a Dad joke out and my kid topped me: Bath time with … four or five year old I think, and older brother sharing tub. Older one noticed a fly in the water and ew what’s that doing there? Of course automatic dumb obvious joke: looks like the backstroke to me. Younger brother not missing a beat: no daddy, flea style! I’m not sure if he was more proud of himself than I was of him! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/119 "2023-12-23T22:30:43Z")
Points! ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928/120 "2023-12-24T02:38:24Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > I think I first heard it in an episode of the old _Odd Couple_ TV series…it ran from 1970 through 1975. So, that was over 40 years ago. Ahhh, me as well. Felix was in a courtroom or something like that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-obvious-jokes-some-people-cant-help-but-reflexively-make/994928.md?page=7)