# Dumb pets **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 1, 2017, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243 "2017-12-01T13:02:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/41 "2018-09-21T12:56:34Z")
I recently came into possession of laser pointer…my GSD chases the danged light around like she’s a cat!!! When word of this gets out I’m pretty sure she’s going to be asked to turn in her dog card. Do other dogs do this? ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/42 "2018-09-21T13:06:57Z")
> [@Cardigan](#): > > If it was the cat I’d say that was sheer laziness, but in the case of our dog? I’m thinking stupidity. Actually, your dog was showing incredible intelligence by PLAYING dumb in order to avoid a whole lot of work that would save YOU money and get him NOTHING. The cat, on the other hand, wouldn’t even bother with such subterfuge because of the arrogant disdain for which cats are famously known, opting instead for the open and unabashed “Fuck You” approach. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/43 "2018-09-21T13:34:21Z")
I was under the pickup changing the oil and asked the dog to bring the new filter. But he brought the one for the Subaru instead! I told him the red one, not the orange one. And it said Subaru on the side. Can’t he read? ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/44 "2018-09-21T14:25:00Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Our dogs bark at doorbells on television. I can beat this. I used to have a dog that barked at doorbells on TV. Our house did not have a doorbell. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/45 "2018-09-21T14:41:38Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > I can beat this. I used to have a dog that barked at doorbells on TV. Our house did not have a doorbell. Indeed, that trumps me. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/46 "2018-09-21T14:41:40Z")
I ask my dogs to put on their collars and leashes by themselves EVERY DAY before we go for a walk. They have yet to do so. They tell me they would but they don’t have thumbs. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/47 "2018-09-21T15:25:23Z")
The fish in my little pond are so dumb that when it starts raining, they race up to the surface, certain that they are being fed. Then they bite at the raindrops. One of the fish, Scooter, prefers his pellets DRY. Another one, Pinky, is absolutely fascinated by the airstone. She stares at it for hours. ---
**Author:** ![slightly\_askew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@slightly\_askew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slightly_askew)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/48 "2018-09-21T15:29:37Z")
I have a cat who doesn’t know how to make biscuits. Whoever heard of a cat who can’t make biscuits?!? ---
**Author:** ![aurora\_maire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aurora_maire/32/328_2.png) [@aurora\_maire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurora_maire)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/49 "2018-09-21T16:08:09Z")
My neighbor cats know my work schedule. They are on my porch at 8 and 5 waiting for me to leave or come home so I will give them some food. The dumb thing is they do this on the weekends, too. Everybody knows you don’t go to work on the weekends! You would think they would have figured this out by now. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/50 "2018-09-21T18:05:49Z")
Speaking of dumb dogs, I, um, used to have one. I’m certainly not referencing my my current dog, who posts here under the moniker “snfaulkner” and may well see this post. This “other” dog consistently turns, I mean _turned_ off his firewall so he could watch blocked doggie porn sites like “Poodles Galore” and invariably gets, um, _got_ malware. He could get infected just fine, but could he clean it up? Hell no. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/51 "2018-09-21T18:54:28Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > …He could get infected just fine, but could he clean it up? Hell no. Yup, you can’t lick a hard drive. Well, I guess you _could_, but it…nm. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/52 "2018-09-21T19:11:02Z")
I’m trying to teach my rats to serve dinner. They will carry the food to each person in their mouths, but persistently present the food on the diner’s right hand instead of the left. I’ve explained this to them many times but they just can’t seem to get it. I’m pretty sure this is a horrible breach of etiquette to some people; otherwise I don’t understand why they keep running away screaming. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/53 "2018-09-21T22:44:08Z")
I used to have a pet iguana, he was a weird, feisty fellow. He wasn’t too smart but he made up for it with his anger. Sometimes he would bite his own tail if it was in front of his own face, he thought it was some kind of animal or something. I had a leash for him and used to take him out in my backyard with my dog. He hated my dog so much but the dog always got excited to play with him and seemed to like him. The iguana would jump on his back and try and bite him but the dog had enough fur that he couldn’t feel it, he was completely oblivious the iguana wanted him dead. It was fun to watch. The iguana would also whip the shit out of my mom with his tail whenever she got near him, eventually she made me get rid of him, go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/54 "2018-09-23T00:30:33Z")
Dumb cat got outwitted by a chipmunk today. He brought his new squeaky toy over to the door, then let it go for more fun after we wouldn’t let him bring it in. The chipmunk runs _behind_ the succah- and Albert Catstein there runs after it _into_ the succah. :smack: By the time he realized that there was a wall in his way, Chippie was long gone out of sight. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/55 "2018-09-23T00:58:54Z")
Yorkie (dog#1) got groomed and a really short haircut. The Siamese are trying to convince me I brought the wrong dog home. To be honest Mr.Wrekker took one look at her and said, “Who’s that?” Sometimes I bring home strange dogs for awhile, so he’s never sure. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/56 "2018-09-23T13:29:34Z")
We have a cat we got from a rescue lady. We were told the cat was a “special needs” kitty. I.e., she is afraid of everything. She bonded well to **Mrs. FtG** (the replacement rescue lady, apparently), but barely tolerates me. Once in a while she will still freak out and go hide when I walk into the room. At other times she will just lie there in the middle of the floor and I have to walk around her. She does like to come up to me when I’m sitting in my chair, very gently tapping my arm, to let me know know it’s time to get out a ball or the laser pointer. So she’s cool with me … most of the time. Look, cat. I’m not going to kill you. Just chillax. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/57 "2018-09-23T13:42:07Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Blackjack told me he knew how to drive a car. He was lying. An automatic maybe, but he couldn’t drive a stick at all. My border collie can drive stick but grinds the gears. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/58 "2018-09-23T15:01:54Z")
> [@slightly\_askew](#): > > I have a cat who doesn’t know how to make biscuits. Whoever heard of a cat who can’t make biscuits?!? What the hell good is a cat that can’t make biscuits!? My cat makes great biscuits… the problem is he serves them with mustard. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/59 "2018-09-23T17:40:17Z")
Beagle ( dog #2) was an orphaned pup. I bottle fed her. Now she’s an obese 4 ( or is it 5) yo. She’s on a vet imposed diet. The diet food is not her fave, but she eats every bite. And begs, begs and begs. We are supposed to exercise her more. I throw the ball and she walks over and lays down on it. I walk her and am usually pulling her leash to get back to the house. This diet is a comedy of errors, and I am the only one sweating. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243/60 "2018-09-23T18:35:06Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > The hell are you doing, letting your dogs run out of water? > I bet they have SPCAES on speed dial. What the fuck is your problem, making me out as some kind of animal abuser? You get busy sometimes, you forget to check the dog’s dish. The dogs were indoor dogs and rarely out of water for more than an hour or two. And it didn’t happen all that often. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-pets/803243.md?page=4)