# Dumb Things You Think About **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630 "2011-11-11T19:15:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/81 "2011-11-18T23:41:38Z")
> [@LegsAkimbo](#): > > What a fun thread. And how nice to find out I am not the only one thinking some of this stuff. I too “rehearse” what would happen if my husband died, how I would handle it. I think a lot of these sorts of thoughts and rehearsals are things that we fear so we try to find a way to feel like we have some control. On a lighter note: When I was a kid, I always did little experiments because I wanted to see what it would be like to, for example, be the kid who slept through classes on her rug after naptime in kindergarten. So I faked being asleep just to find out. It was weird. Another time, I decided to find out what it would be like to play “Duck, Duck, Goose” and never say “Goose.” I just walked around the circle, patting people on the head and saying “Duck.” I got yelled at eventually. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/82 "2011-11-19T06:10:18Z")
> [@Acorns.but\_not\_Bacon](#): > > Of course I know, the Jurassic Park raptors didn’t really exist and were just an amalgamation of two dinosaurs (can’t remember which) I think it was Deinonychus and Utahraptor, but I’m not 100% sure on that. Another dumb thing I think about (that I hope I never actually have to do): delivering a really scathing victim impact statement to a rapist/murderer/whatever. I usually imagine myself quoting AM’s “this is how much I hate you” monologue from “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream,” and telling the perp that this is how I felt about him and his crimes. I actually went and looked up victim impact statements, and they were all “make it about the victim, not the crime,” and my first thought was “what if I just want to spew venom?” Talking about how awesome the victim was just wouldn’t be as cathartic, I don’t think. And hell, I want my hatred to be known to all. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/83 "2011-11-19T07:03:51Z")
people are weirder on the inside than I had previously thought. perhaps our brains are not being given enough useful work. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/84 "2011-11-19T09:01:40Z")
I occasionally have ideas with a tiny bit of common sense, but would be ridiculous in practice. The latest was that airports should have visiting rooms like prisons. That way, if you were changing planes in a city where you knew someone you didn’t get to see very often, they could come to the airport and you could hang out for a bit but you wouldn’t risk missing your flight by going out of the security area. Also, I want to think of a way for a supervillain to ransom the world without getting caught. There’s a scene in one of the James Bond movies where Big Ben rings eleven times at ten o’clock as a signal that the government is acceding to the villain’s demands. But how could they deliver something of value in a way that couldn’t be followed? They could drop a canister of diamonds at given coordinates over the ocean, but surely the Navy would be waiting. That sort of thing. I’ve considered asking about it here, but I think there’s a board rule against threads which encourage illegal behavior. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/85 "2011-11-19T13:07:32Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#): > > …and we are all together, kookookaju! Sooo… I _am_ the Eggman! And the Walrus. (:3= ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/86 "2011-11-20T00:18:07Z")
Sometimes, if I am in an area with a few people, like in the waiting room at the doctors, I’ll think :what if something happened and these people were the last people on earth? ---
**Author:** ![mamatosk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e7dd6/32.png) [@mamatosk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamatosk)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/87 "2011-11-21T14:25:13Z")
Same for me, except it is when I see anything “suspicious” and thats almost everything on my walk to and from work. ---
**Author:** ![booklover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@booklover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/booklover)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/88 "2011-11-21T23:24:44Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > And I give the guided tours, but mine are usually for the Ingalls family.! **miss elizabeth** and **panache45** are totally inside my head (and my mother’s). My mother always gave guided tours to Abraham Lincoln and George Washington, while my tours were for Laura Ingalls–I mostly did this as a kid while on boring errands, so I remember explaining to her that it was okay for women’s skirts to be above the ankle, and that you could get frozen meat from the store without having to build a smokehouse. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/89 "2011-11-22T00:01:04Z")
I have pretty much worked out what my tactics will be if theres a zombie apocalypse. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/90 "2011-11-22T01:52:58Z")
> [@booklover](#): > > **miss elizabeth** and **panache45** are totally inside my head (and my mother’s). My mother always gave guided tours to Abraham Lincoln and George Washington, while my tours were for Laura Ingalls–I mostly did this as a kid while on boring errands, so I remember explaining to her that it was okay for women’s skirts to be above the ankle, and that you could get frozen meat from the store without having to build a smokehouse. Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and, yup, Laura Ingalls too. Usually male historical figures though. Perhaps because more is known about them in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/91 "2011-11-22T15:16:36Z")
> [@Acorns.but\_not\_Bacon](#): > > You know what? I also think about Velociraptors. Of course I know, the Jurassic Park raptors didn’t really exist and were just an amalgamation of two dinosaurs (can’t remember which) and another also important thing, dinosaurs are extinct. But that doesn’t stop me occasionally thinking about what would happen if I were being hunted by a JP Velociraptor. Obligatory XKCD reference [http://www.xkcd.com/87/](http://www.xkcd.com/87/) I have a reoccurring daydream about my family surviving a plane crash in the Canadian Rockies. I have yet to figure out _why_ we are flying over them in a small prop plane with just the four of us and the pilot though. Maybe when the kids are older I should plan a trip to Alaska that has layovers in Calgary, Edmonton, Grande Prarie, Prince George, and Juneau and hope we get lucky. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/92 "2011-11-22T20:58:57Z")
I think about all of the previously mentioned: a place to sleep/hang out if I were homeless, what if various loved ones (and not so loved ones) died, the putting on makeup tutorial, and what I would do if someone busted into my workplace with a gun. I also do: How would I survive if this car I am driving right now crashed and wasn’t found for a week? Is there some water left in that bottle? How would I pee? (I probably started on this one after reading Cujo). What if I find a body? For that matter, where would I hide a body? Doesn’t that pile of leaves over there look weird? What should I say to myself if I go back in time and meet myself at age ten? How about age seventeen? How will I get me to believe myself? What if there were an unspecified disaster right now, trapping everyone inside this building where I work? What if I was the only survivor? What if the only survivors were me and …well, you get the gist. What if me and a bunch of other people were taken hostage by crazy men with guns? How could I heroically save everyone? Etc. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/93 "2011-11-22T21:17:31Z")
You know, the guided tour thing is fun. I think I might have to take Queen Elizabeth I to the grocery store this afternoon, since I know it’s going to be a madhouse anyway: explain the products, yes you must wait in line like us peons, etc. I think she’ll be most startled by the debit card, and most impressed with the vast selection of food, even if we can’t find the hummingbird tongues! Maybe Pharaoh Hatshepsut should tag along for the drive to visit family this weekend… ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/94 "2011-11-23T04:33:47Z")
I usually limit my past folks to 18th century onward, because I feel like it’d be waaaaaaay too overwhelming for someone from, say, the 1100’s. Well, that and I wouldn’t have to explain just what the heck this “America” place is to someone who’s aware of the New World’s existence. Actually, one of the things I think about in that regard (which, now that I think about it, may be less of an issue with folks from the more distant past) is race relations. “Yes, that black man you see over there is free. Yes, he can walk on the same sidewalks/eat at the same restaurants/patronize the same businesses we do. Yes, this is totally okay. NO, you do not get to call him ‘nigger’ or ‘boy.’ He’s a grown-ass adult and he’s not a servant.” Similarly, “yes, that scientist you see on the TV is a woman. Yes, she is just as smart as the men. Yes, she is a physicist. No, her ‘emotions’ (whatever the hell _that_ means) do not get in the way of her career. No, she does not have to wear skirts. And if you slapped her ass she would more than likely tear you a new one.” I suppose it wouldn’t be a good idea to antagonize these people by being all “oh you and your quaint little beliefs,” because hell, I’d be annoyed if some future person were all “WELL YOU’RE JUST WRONG,” but I think I would have a hard time being patient when it came to those two issues. For run-of-the-mill science errors, I’d probably say something along the lines of “I understand where you’re coming from, but technology has changed and this is the data we have now.” And I think someone like Isaac Newton or Marie Curie would appreciate being taught new stuff. Um…can you tell I think about this a _lot_? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/95 "2011-11-23T07:27:08Z")
I too have the “wild crime scenarios” running through my head. I watch a lot of forensics files type stuff, so my brain is like that little “pop pop pop” jumpy thing that John Belushi used to do. Are there suspicious characters about? Hmmm, I’ll go around the block instead of straight home. Etc. It’s totally silly, and yes, brought on by watching too much crime TV. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/96 "2011-11-25T00:12:08Z")
I have a zombie plan. It involves creating a zipline to the mall across the street. I have an “In Case Of My Death Plan”, because I basically live alone. Once somebody \*finds _my body, my friends know where all my important papers are, including burial plan._ They have been briefed. While waiting for the bus in the daytime, I usually look at the rooftops of buildings to watch the American flag flying (I’m a former army guy, and I like to look at the flag). Call me weird. Beats watching the traffic go past. While waiting for the bus at night, I usually watch the skies and try to figure out whether that light I see going across the sky is a plane or a satellite… Or… what? Especially if the altitude is so great that I cannot see the blinky lights. While boarding the bus, I give a quick glance to figure out which passenger is the most dangerous and might go nuts any moment now (especially the guy who wears the sombrero every day. Seems we have the same travel schedule). I try to sit both far away from them and try to keep them in sight. (Most of our busses have sideways seats, so you can usually keep everybody in your field of vision.) I am also trying to teach my friend’s 16 year old son how to scope out the weirdos on the bus. He doesn’t have the knack, so I have to explain it once we get off the bus. (Because, you know, they can hear you. :eek:) \*=I know there’s a thread along the lines of “How long would it take anybody to find your body in case of your death”, but I’m watching football and too lazy to look for it. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2011, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/97 "2011-11-28T15:56:33Z")
> [@SSG\_Schwartz](#): > > I have a plan for how I would survive a zombie attack. Everywhere I go, I know exactly what I would do if the zombies attacked me there. For a zombie attack that got to me at my house I have several contingency plans. > > We will see if it was a dumb thing to think about of if it was important planning when I am posting after the zombie apocalypse. > > SFC Schwartz > [@Strinka](#): > > Zombies. > > What would I do if there were a real zombie outbreak? Where would I go? How would I defend myself? > [@cruel\_butterfly](#): > > My 14-year-old and I often discuss our survival plan should there ever be an actual zombie apocalypse. > [@Lust4Life](#): > > I have pretty much worked out what my tactics will be if theres a zombie apocalypse. > [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](#): > > I have a zombie plan. It involves creating a zipline to the mall across the street. You are not alone it seems, I have also completely set my plan for the zombie apocalypse for the short and long-term. I have an amazing ability to manipulate shapes and objects in my mind and will use this to design and plan jobs I am currently working on. I will spent hours troubleshooting, assessing, and modifying these plans all in my head. By the time I get to the actual drawings, ordering materials and construction phase, I have already mapped out in sequence exactly how I will build something and I do it. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/98 "2011-11-28T20:23:05Z")
> [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](#): > > While boarding the bus, I give a quick glance to figure out which passenger is the most dangerous and might go nuts any moment now (especially the guy who wears the sombrero every day. Seems we have the same travel schedule). I try to sit both far away from them and try to keep them in sight. (Most of our busses have sideways seats, so you can usually keep everybody in your field of vision.) Good, it’s not just me. I have to ride “the scary bus” every once in a while and I try my best to avoid the guy who mutters to himself and wiggles his fingers. ---
**Author:** ![silvermist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@silvermist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silvermist)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630/99 "2011-11-29T02:19:33Z")
I think about things like if there are no cigarettes in hell or heaven, I’m kind of in a no-win situation. When it’s time for me to die, I’ll just have to move. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-things-you-think-about/602630.md?page=4)