# Dumb Yankees (those gators are real!) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347 "2005-01-12T05:05:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/21 "2005-01-12T19:25:20Z")
> [@LindyHopper](#): > > Oh, we do. If you go to the Bison Range (about 45 minutes up the road from Missoula), and go in the visitor center, one of the first things you’ll see is a wall with a bunch of photocopied news stories about people being seriously injured or killed by bison. Sure, most of the stories are from Yellowstone, but a few are from the Bison Range itself. One of the stories (Yellowstone, I think) concerned a family of Japanese tourists; the father wanted to _put his 1-year-old son on a bison’s back_ and take a picture. Needless to say, the child was killed, I think the wife was killed, and the husband was very seriously injured. It’s amazing; just because they’re in an official park, they think the animals are tame. As if the animals can tell the difference. So how’s the weather in ol’ gray Missou? I was born there, but moved to Billings after 4th grade. I miss the snow, but not the gray nasty shitty weather for 4 months 🙂 Heard a story about a park ranger stopping a dad from killing his child by covering him in honey so he could get a picture of the nice black bear licking it off. Ranger says - what are you, stupid? That’s a wild animal that would likely maul and kill your child and you. Dad - But we’re in Yellowstone Park… doesn’t that mean all the animals are trained? Another favourite anecdote of growing up in Montana - game ranger driving along, sees whole family stopped on side of highway next to animal crossing sign, cameras and binoculars out and ready but no animals in sight. Unable to stop himself, ranger stops and asks them if he can be of assistance. Dad of family asks when animals were due by, Ranger, being a native Montanan, checks his watch and says 'Normally, they’re not this late. Something must have held them up." before driving away cackling loudly to himself. Goes to show - dumb asses are everywhere, not just limited to Yankees… ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/22 "2005-01-12T19:34:14Z")
> [@Tapioca Dextrin](#): > > It’s the eye of the tiger > It’s the thrill of the fight > Rising up to the challenge of our rival > And the last known survivor > Stalks his prey in the night > And he’s watching us all > With the eye of the tiger No, no, no… It’s the Eye of the Cougar The reflection of light Racing through our yard in the twilight And the sole cat for miles Stalks his prey on our lawn But we can’t see him 'cept For the Eye of the Cougar ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/23 "2005-01-12T21:52:51Z")
> [@RTA](#): > > Most Yankee golfers in my experience get a bit squeamish when their ball lands near a big ass gator taking a _siesta_. Just make sure they play their lie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/24 "2005-01-12T23:40:06Z")
[\*Here](http://www.floridastateparks.org/wakullasprings/parkphotos.htm), the locals _swim_ with 'em. Can you believe that? \*Scroll to bottom, to pix of a bunch of people standing on a diving platform. There’s a gator nesting site directly across the river from that platform. There’s a string of pool bouys up to keep people from swimming over there, but it doesn’t keep gators from chilling out in the public swimming area, or right underneath the diving platform. [Dig it.](http://www.flanews.com/archives2000/817gator.htm) This is what happens when you swim with gators. I say, let 'em harrass the poor things. Then we’ll have something to submit to the Darwin Awards. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/25 "2005-01-12T23:47:55Z")
> [@Dogzilla\[Dig it.](#): > > ([http://www.flanews.com/archives2000/817gator.htm](http://www.flanews.com/archives2000/817gator.htm)) This is what happens when you swim with gators. No, this is what happens when you start writing for online newspapers without completing 8th grade English. Dig it! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/26 "2005-01-13T00:08:57Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > [Dig it.](http://www.flanews.com/archives2000/817gator.htm) This is what happens when you swim with gators. > > I say, let 'em harrass the poor things. Then we’ll have something to submit to the Darwin Awards. 😃 There was an FSU student about 5-10 years back that got himself drowned and partially eaten by a big bull gator in one of the northern springs. He was spotted during a glass bottom boat tour… Tour announcer: Oh, and down there you can see a gator has caught a deer for it’s lunch. Tourist: Dude, that “deer” is wearing sneakers! That’s seriously how they found the body. They had to go pry him out of a gator hole. Lesson: don’t swim, or even wade, anywhere you suspect there might be large gators. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/27 "2005-01-13T00:15:36Z")
> [@GomiBoy](#): > > So how’s the weather in ol’ gray Missou? I was born there, but moved to Billings after 4th grade. I miss the snow, but not the gray nasty shitty weather for 4 months 🙂 Snow, lately. Lots of snow. Sunny when it’s not snowing, though; really, a pretty great winter so far. Supposed to be below zero tomorrow, though. And I do love the stories the park rangers tell. Worth a whole thread in itself (which I’m sure there’s been at least one of). ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/28 "2005-01-13T00:15:42Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > There was an FSU student about 5-10 years back that got himself drowned and partially eaten by a big bull gator in one of the northern springs. He was spotted during a glass bottom boat tour… > > Tour announcer: Oh, and down there you can see a gator has caught a deer for it’s lunch. > Tourist: Dude, that “deer” is wearing sneakers! > > That’s seriously how they found the body. They had to go pry him out of a gator hole. Lesson: don’t swim, or even wade, anywhere you suspect there might be large gators. Seems like such a “duh”! Note: I didn’t claim the above link was written well, or anything. Did I? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/29 "2005-01-13T00:28:15Z")
A friend of ours used to cave dive at the bottom of that swimming hole at Wakulla Springs. Us Yankees couldn’t believe anyone was that stupid to swim that close to gators when he took us out there (but, hey, these guys were cave divers, they were already taking their life into their hands.) ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/30 "2005-01-13T00:42:27Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I didn’t claim the above link was written well, or anything. > Did I? No, fellow dog, you didn’t. Sorry bout that, chief. I just couldn’t resist. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/31 "2005-01-13T04:57:40Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > You mean the hairless doggy with the lumpy skin? Exactly. Duh. :wally ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/32 "2005-01-13T05:00:20Z")
Meanwhile, a woman from a swampy, alligator-ridden southern state recently asked me if she should dump boiling water on her windshield to loosen the wiper blades, which are frozen in place. Survival skills have to be learned. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/33 "2005-01-13T05:15:18Z")
It’s stories like these that make me WISH I could spend a day as a wild animal and teach those stupid people a lesson. There was a story around here about some morons who went swimming in the polar bear pool at the local zoo. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/34 "2005-01-13T05:27:05Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > No, it’s not. Large chunks of the coast are. But nowhere near “most of Florida”. > > I did. I got the flunk out! 😃 The Triangle area in North Carolina handled it right: took a small town named Cary and set it aside for Yankee resettlement. (Cary = Containment Area for Relocated Yankees) [That it was _planned_ is a joke; that it worked out that way, isn’t.] – Poly (part of the 20% of Pilot, NC, that was born in Northern New York) ---
**Author:** ![LissyLou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5daacb/32.png) [@LissyLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LissyLou)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/35 "2005-01-13T05:39:42Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > It’s stories like these that make me WISH I could spend a day as a wild animal and teach those stupid people a lesson. > > There was a story around here about some morons who went swimming in the polar bear pool at the local zoo. Aren’t polar bears supposed to be the most dangerous and aggressive of all bears? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/36 "2005-01-13T05:52:00Z")
Only if you catch them before they’ve had their morning cup of coffee. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/37 "2005-01-13T08:13:40Z")
Threads like this make me think of watching _Faces of Death_. My favorite is Harry feeding the bear while his wife videotapes the deal. Harry becomes Bear Chow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/38 "2005-01-13T09:18:05Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Who’s that? > > I’m not saying if I am or I ain’t… just want to know who it is first. He’s a writer from Florida - started out as a reporter for the Miami Herald {I think he’s still a columnist} and graduated to writing blackly comic anarchic crime novels in which imbecile tourists, corrupt property magnates, sugar barons, theme-park developers, local politicians and the like get their ultimate comeuppance at the hands of Mother Nature, with the assistance of various free-spirited protagonists who are fighting back against the destruction of the environment. If you haven’t read him, you should check him out - he’s an excellent writer: seriously funny, bitingly satirical, and any comparison was meant entirely as a compliment. **Stormy Weather** is a personal favourite, and might be a good place to start - although, as previously mentioned by **John Carter** , **Tourist Season** _does_ feature hapless tourists devoured by alligators… ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/39 "2005-01-13T10:01:07Z")
> [@LindyHopper](#): > > Snow, lately. Lots of snow. Sunny when it’s not snowing, though; really, a pretty great winter so far. Supposed to be below zero tomorrow, though. > > And I do love the stories the park rangers tell. Worth a whole thread in itself (which I’m sure there’s been at least one of). My mom’s up in Glasgow (she lives in Portland, OR, normally) visiting her family and said she’s heard a warning from the weather services she’s never heard before - going outside your house is risking your life. Huge blizzard apparently; many degrees below zero and a huge snow dump. Sometimes I miss Montana for that reason - not only can the wildlife kill you, but the weather as well! That state definitely keeps you on your toes! Sorry for the hijack… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/40 "2005-01-13T11:48:53Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > He’s a writer from Florida - started out as a reporter for the Miami Herald {I think he’s still a columnist} and graduated to writing blackly comic anarchic crime novels in which imbecile tourists, corrupt property magnates, sugar barons, theme-park developers… Didn’t he write the book that the movie _Striptease_ was based upon? I don’t recall if the book had the same name, but it definitely featured most of that cast of characters. He seems a sort of southern Elmo Leonard. Never saw the movie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347.md?page=3)