# Dumb Yankees (those gators are real!) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347 "2005-01-12T05:05:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/41 "2005-01-13T16:24:53Z")
I thought this was going to be a discussion comparing the relative merits of Randy Johnson v Ron Guidry. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/42 "2005-01-13T17:07:22Z")
> [@GomiBoy](#): > > My mom’s up in Glasgow (she lives in Portland, OR, normally) visiting her family and said she’s heard a warning from the weather services she’s never heard before - going outside your house is risking your life. Ooh, Glasgow…_cold_. The severe cold and wind hasn’t hit yet today, but it’s a-comin’. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/43 "2005-01-13T17:44:13Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Didn’t he write the book that the movie _Striptease_ was based upon? I don’t recall if the book had the same name, but it definitely featured most of that cast of characters. He seems a sort of southern Elmo Leonard. Never saw the movie. That’s the guy. If you like Elmore Leonard (or even Dave Barry, who has started writing similar novels), you’d love Hiaasen’s work. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/44 "2005-01-13T20:46:58Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Didn’t he write the book that the movie _Striptease_ was based upon? I don’t recall if the book had the same name, but it definitely featured most of that cast of characters. He seems a sort of southern Elmo Leonard. Never saw the movie. Haven’t seen the movie either, but you’re right on the money. Another great novel, with a very strong heroine - she strips to pay the bills, but he manages to avoid every single “skanky hooker”/“whore with a heart of gold” cliche. I should stop now, or start a Hiaasen thread in Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/45 "2005-01-14T00:36:04Z")
When I was in Banff in Canada for my honeymoon, I saw a bunch of idiots on the side of the road trying to get close to a bear cub for pictures. I promptly went to the nearest ranger station and told them about it. For the wildlife impaired, playing with a bear cub = death from momma. Bears are bigger, stronger, and faster than you, and they can climb trees better too. Apparently whether you should play dead or get aggressive depends on the bear’s mood, so your best bet is not to fuck with them in the first place. Oh and it was also elk mating season, so the signs also warned against fucking with the randy stags. Elk are sorta like deer, except huge and ornery. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/46 "2005-01-14T02:17:41Z")
A few years ago my wife and I were riding on some bike paths thorugh the woods on Jekyll Island, and we came across a bunch of people staring across a small inlet. We stopped to look, too. A six-foot gator was out sunning himself on the opposite bank of the lagoon. Sure enough, some guy took his two kids around the lagoon to get a better look at the gator. Fortunately for him and his kids, the gator slid back into the inlet long before they got close to him. They brought sticks to poke it with. Don’t know what part of the country they were from, but God, that Dad was one ignorant fool. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/47 "2005-01-14T02:24:59Z")
We do have this problem up in Pennsylvania too, when some schmuck of a tourist (or even a really dumb Pennsylvanian) thinks that it’s a good idea to try to pet the cute little bear cub that wandered close to their camp. Mommy ain’t far off, people, and she will defend her baby to your death. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/48 "2005-01-14T03:00:02Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > Oh and it was also elk mating season, so the signs also warned against fucking with the randy stags. But…isn’t that what the elk want? ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/49 "2005-01-14T03:12:27Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > But…isn’t that what the elk want? Yeah. And unless you’re built like a she-elk, I’d say that’s a problem! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/50 "2005-01-14T04:39:22Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Yeah. And unless you’re built like a she-elk, I’d say that’s a problem! :eek: _checking self_ Nope, not elklike. Poor randy elks. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/51 "2005-01-14T05:09:00Z")
Imagine the surprise of the deer hunters who douse themselves with (female-deer-in-oestrus-derived) attractant scent and attract elk (wapiti, for the Europeans among us…our elk ain’t your elk) instead. Horny elk, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/52 "2005-01-14T07:33:28Z")
[About Banff elk](http://www.canadianrockies.net/banff/bnpwbios.html) ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/53 "2005-01-14T10:19:46Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > [About Banff elk](http://www.canadianrockies.net/banff/bnpwbios.html) Love this: > [@Banff National Park](#): > > WARNING: Elk have injured far more people than bears… Not very useful information unless they tell us how many bears the elk have injured, now is it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/54 "2005-01-14T12:09:52Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Now get this. Dad is emerging from the driver’s side with his camera. Mom is out already, opening the back door, calling to the kids, and herding them toward the gator! After two days of driving with pestering and squabbling kids in the back seat, mom and dad finally find a solution, and are about to act upon it, when you and your buddy interrupt them. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/55 "2005-01-14T14:13:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Aren’t polar bears supposed to be the most dangerous and aggressive of all bears? A girl I went to grade school with is currently missing her right arm courtesy of a polar bear. She was a zookeeper at the Cincinnati Zoo and she was in charge of feeding the polar bears. She had gotten to know them so well that she got careless and reached into the cage to feed one particular bear his favorite food: a grape. Turns out the grape was his _second_ favorite food. She said that it was an out of body experience as she watched the bear crunch on her hand and then start to slowly engulf her arm with each swallow. She could _hear_ her own bones crunching from his teeth and see her blood on his teeth. If an animal will literally bite the hand that feeds it, it will most certainly bite the hand that is clicking a camera. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/56 "2005-01-14T14:24:48Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > We Yanks get our share of clueless tourists as well. Many is the time when some obnoxious drunken baseball fan near Fenway Park would ask me “Where’s Cheers?” I would usually reply “Two blocks up that street, turn left, it’s right there, you can’t miss it.” All while pointing in a random direction. > > Tee hee! Speaking of which, you’d be amazed how many tourists (not just Yankees, but from around the world) come to Atlanta and want to know where Tara is … ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/57 "2005-01-14T17:10:55Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > A girl I went to grade school with is currently missing her right arm courtesy of a polar bear. Currently? Is she getting a prosthetic? [One of these](http://www.myprops.co.uk/endo-arm.htm) perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347/58 "2005-01-14T17:39:53Z")
> [@LonesomePolecat](#): > > Speaking of which, you’d be amazed how many tourists (not just Yankees, but from around the world) come to Atlanta and want to know where Tara is … Then by all means, send them to Jonesboro! 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumb-yankees-those-gators-are-real/284347.md?page=2)