# Dumbasses, tragedies don't "have to happen" mmmkay? (lame) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 7, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519 "2011-09-07T17:44:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Snow\_Pea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Snow\_Pea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snow_Pea)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/1 "2011-09-07T17:44:25Z")
WTF is with people who say “so sorry this **had to** happen”?? “Had to”? Accidents don’t have to happen, people. That’s all. Lame. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/2 "2011-09-07T17:51:49Z")
I guess it is just sloppy language. Reminds me of this recent [XKCD cartoon](http://xkcd.com/945/). Thing is, no matter how hard we try and how careful we are tragedies will happen. Somehwere, somewhen to someone. It is inevitable. I can guarantee everyone will die eventually. So, in that respect tragedy is inevitable. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/3 "2011-09-07T18:24:45Z")
Agree. “Had to happen” makes it sound like the person who said that was planning it all along. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/4 "2011-09-07T18:30:11Z")
:dubious: You guys are thinking too much. Accept the condolences in the spirit they’re intended and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Snow\_Pea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Snow\_Pea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snow_Pea)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/5 "2011-09-07T18:46:25Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > Agree. “Had to happen” makes it sound like the person who said that was planning it all along. Exactly. “Sorry this had to happen to you” is a world of meaning different than “Sorry this happened to you”. It “had to”? Really? It was pre-ordained, and nothing anyone would ever have done could have changed the fact that little Jimmy simply HAD TO fall down that well?? ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/6 "2011-09-07T19:19:29Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > You guys are thinking too much. Ain’t no such thing. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/7 "2011-09-07T19:32:20Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever heard this phrasing. Is it really common? ---
**Author:** ![Snow\_Pea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Snow\_Pea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snow_Pea)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/8 "2011-09-07T19:40:45Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I don’t think I’ve ever heard this phrasing. Is it really common? Yes. Take a look at any comment page for either of the recent mass shootings, people are posting “So sorry this had to happen”. Or, just google it: > **[Google Search](https://www.google.com/search?sclient=psy&hl=en&client=opera&hs=mbj&rls=en&channel=suggest&source=hp&q=%22sorry%2Bthis%2Bhad%2Bto%2Bhappen%22&btnG=Search)** ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/9 "2011-09-07T19:52:46Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > I guess it is just sloppy language. > > Reminds me of this recent [XKCD cartoon](http://xkcd.com/945/). “Sloppy” or just abbreviated. “I’m sorry” is an abbreviation of “I’m sorry to hear that.” It doesn’t mean, “I apologize.” “I’m sorry this had to happen” is an abbreviation of, “I’m sorry this had to happened to you,” i.e., “I’m sorry you were the one that this happened to, and not some stranger.” It’s not fatalism; it’s realism, and acceptance that accidents do in fact happen. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/10 "2011-09-07T19:55:11Z")
> [@Snow\_Pea](#): > > Yes. Take a look at any comment page for either of the recent mass shootings, people are posting “So sorry this had to happen”. > > Or, just google it: > > [Google Search](http://www.google.com/search?sclient=psy&hl=en&client=opera&hs=mbj&rls=en&channel=suggest&source=hp&q=%22sorry+this+had+to+happen%22&btnG=Search) … Child of God, chill. You are getting yourself upset over a phrasing of the Engliush language, which in no way implies it was inevitable. It’s a way of emphasizing the subject. As in “It is terrible _this_ happened.” This is possibly the most fail pitting ever, by virtue of its metaphoric multi-meaning dullness. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/11 "2011-09-07T20:20:45Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > “I’m sorry this had to happen” is an abbreviation of, “I’m sorry this had to happened to you,” i.e., “I’m sorry you were the one that this happened to, and not some stranger.” It’s not fatalism; it’s realism, and acceptance that accidents do in fact happen. Yeah, that doesn’t really make any sense. I mean, I understand what the intended meaning is, and I’m not intensely bothered by it, but I don’t see how “I’m sorry this _had to happen_” adds any meaning that “I’m sorry this _happened_” doesn’t already contain. > [@smiling bandit](#): > > It’s a way of emphasizing the subject. As in “It is terrible \*this \*happened.” That doesn’t really sound right either. It’s terrible \*this \*happened to you, as opposed to some other, non-terrible thing happening to you? Verdict: mildly annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/12 "2011-09-07T20:26:56Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > “Sloppy” or just abbreviated. “I’m sorry” is an abbreviation of “I’m sorry to hear that.” It doesn’t mean, “I apologize.” While we’re being literal, though, “I’m sorry to hear that” isn’t much better. It doesn’t say anything about the person’s situation, just that you’re sorry you heard about it. Kinda like “I’m sorry I asked.” Yes, I know, it doesn’t mean that at all. The English language couldn’t survive if we had to be literal all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/13 "2011-09-07T20:41:54Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Yeah, that doesn’t really make any sense. I mean, I understand what the intended meaning is, and I’m not intensely bothered by it, but I don’t see how “I’m sorry this _had to happen_” adds any meaning that “I’m sorry this _happened_” doesn’t already contain. The “had to” is for emphasis, much like how someone asking for an undeserved favor might be told, “Absolutely not.” Two forces that play a huge role in language are emphasis and abbreviation. Phrases and words get abbreviated to make them easier to say and then the abbreviations get emphasized once the fact that it’s an abbreviation recedes from general consciousness. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/14 "2011-09-07T21:04:06Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > The “had to” is for emphasis, much like how someone asking for an undeserved favor might be told, “Absolutely not.” Two forces that play a huge role in language are emphasis and abbreviation. Phrases and words get abbreviated to make them easier to say and then the abbreviations get emphasized once the fact that it’s an abbreviation recedes from general consciousness. I’ll take your word for it; I’m just not familiar with the usage nor do I fully understand what it’s supposed to be an abbreviation for. If (for example) I’m being laid off, being told “I’m really sorry this had to happen” by a supervisor who has no choice in the matter seems appropriate, if not particularly comforting. It had to happen, cuts are being made, unfortunate but unavoidable. If I’m the random victim of a drive-by shooting, or my kneecaps are shattered by a harpsichord falling out of a blimp, “I’m sorry this \*had \*to happen to you” sounds a bit off, however well-meant. ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/15 "2011-09-07T21:22:10Z")
“So sorry this had to happen.” -God ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/16 "2011-09-07T21:27:38Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > If I’m the random victim of a drive-by shooting, or my kneecaps are shattered by a harpsichord falling out of a blimp, “I’m sorry this \*had \*to happen to you” sounds a bit off, however well-meant. Well, then, be sure to make a sign of approved statements of sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/17 "2011-09-07T21:48:05Z")
I tend to think of this usage in the same way I think that someone might say something like: “Dammit! It just _had_ to go and rain on my wedding day! And I _had_ to get an offer of a free ride when I’d already handed over the cash. And what’s more, I just had to go and ignore some free advice!” And, surprisingly enough, it makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/18 "2011-09-07T22:05:11Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Well, then, be sure to make a sign of approved statements of sympathy. Nobody has ever been sorry that something bad happened to me, so it hasn’t really come up. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/19 "2011-09-07T23:31:41Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > :dubious: > > You guys are thinking too much. Accept the condolences in the spirit they’re intended and move on. QFT. You guys sound like dickheads. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/20 "2011-09-07T23:46:21Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > If I’m the random victim of a drive-by shooting, or my kneecaps are shattered by a harpsichord falling out of a blimp, “I’m sorry this \*had \*to happen to you” sounds a bit off, however well-meant. But often times a person in such a situation might well ask “Why did this \*have \*to happen to me?” The implication is that because it \*has \*happened, it’s having to happen was a given. It’s a fact that it was going to happen, since it did. It isn’t a judgment or indication that there was anything necessarily predictable or fair about whatever it was. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519.md?page=2)