# Dumbasses, tragedies don't "have to happen" mmmkay? (lame) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 7, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519 "2011-09-07T17:44:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/21 "2011-09-08T00:26:55Z")
Wow. I sincerely wish I had enough free time in my life to worry about this sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/22 "2011-09-08T00:36:40Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Wow. I sincerely wish I had enough free time in my life to worry about this sort of thing. I’m sorry that you couldn’t have enough free time. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/23 "2011-09-08T00:50:45Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Wow. I sincerely wish I had enough free time in my life to worry about this sort of thing. Ah, yes. Nothing puts a shine on a lackluster thread like a parade of thumb-spinners who drop in just to announce how little they care about the topic of discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/24 "2011-09-08T01:11:36Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Ah, yes. Nothing puts a shine on a lackluster thread like a parade of thumb-spinners who drop in just to announce how little they care about the topic of discussion. I’m sorry you had to read his post 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/25 "2011-09-08T01:23:46Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever spun my thumb. I’m not sure how one could even accomplish such a move. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2011, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/26 "2011-09-08T03:04:27Z")
Well, it’s fucking irritating to know that you run the risk of getting “Don’t be sorry!” as a response when all you were really trying to do was be nice. Especially when the other side of the coin is telling someone you broke your leg, and having them sniff that things like that don’t bother them since they spent that year in a body cast. ---
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/27 "2011-09-10T00:18:50Z")
Criminy, folks…“Sorry” does not solely mean “I apologize”. It can also mean “I feel bad”, as in “I feel bad that this happened to you”. Describing an emotion, as opposed to contrition. And I’m pretty sure everyone, or all American English speakers, at least, know this, including the author of the xkcd cartoon, know this, and are looking to take offense where none is meant. That’s pretty jerkish. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/28 "2011-09-10T00:26:16Z")
I think that was the point of the xkcd cartoon- being fed up when people obtusely take the “I’m sorry” as an admission of guilt. ---
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/29 "2011-09-10T00:33:11Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > I think that was the point of the xkcd cartoon- being fed up when people obtusely take the “I’m sorry” as an admission of guilt. You know what, you’re right. Color me whooshed. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/30 "2011-09-10T01:04:01Z")
> [@Lucretia](#): > > You know what, you’re right. Color me whooshed. The mouseover is the best part on that one. 🙂 Always makes me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/31 "2011-09-10T01:41:44Z")
I have never heard " Sorry this **had** to happen" I’ve heard plenty of “Sorry this happened” though. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/32 "2011-09-10T02:10:45Z")
I’ve heard the phrase. I suspect almost everyone has but it just slips by you. I have to agree this Pitting is a fail. “I’m sorry this had to happen” does not mean “I’m sorry it was necessary this happened.” It this context the phrase “had to” is just light emphasis. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/33 "2011-09-10T03:02:00Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I’ve heard the phrase. I suspect almost everyone has but it just slips by you. > > I have to agree this Pitting is a fail. “I’m sorry this had to happen” does not mean “I’m sorry it was necessary this happened.” It this context the phrase “had to” is just light emphasis. Yes. It’s not the best use of language, but generally you know what they meant. I have seen this written by friends of friends on Facebook. From their other posts (they tend to be people who post a lot on Facebook, esp. for condolences and birthdays and the like, so I notice their names because they come up a lot), they are not terribly good at expressing themselves, but are nice people. ‘I’m sorry this happened’ sometimes just sounds like too few words. ---
**Author:** ![Snow\_Pea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Snow\_Pea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snow_Pea)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/34 "2011-09-25T18:03:48Z")
Here it is again: [http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/the-feed/item/26796-notorious-convicted-killer-thomas-capano-found-dead-in-delaware-prison-cell](http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/the-feed/item/26796-notorious-convicted-killer-thomas-capano-found-dead-in-delaware-prison-cell) Read the 3rd comment: \*"Yes, it’s a shame a seeming fine, young woman **had to** perish in a manner other than that of old age! \* No, she did not “have to” perish. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/35 "2011-09-25T18:12:39Z")
> [@Snow\_Pea](#): > > Lame. +1 ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/36 "2011-09-25T18:19:02Z")
> [@Snow\_Pea](#): > > Here it is again: > > [http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/the-feed/item/26796-notorious-convicted-killer-thomas-capano-found-dead-in-delaware-prison-cell](http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/the-feed/item/26796-notorious-convicted-killer-thomas-capano-found-dead-in-delaware-prison-cell) > > Read the 3rd comment: > > \*"Yes, it’s a shame a seeming fine, young woman **had to** perish in a manner other than that of old age! \* > > No, she did not “have to” perish. :rolleyes: In that sentence “had to” is not synonymous with “must”, but with “did”. It’s a common use and doesn’t imply what you are thinking it does. ---
**Author:** ![Snow\_Pea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Snow\_Pea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snow_Pea)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/37 "2011-09-25T19:01:16Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > In that sentence “had to” is not synonymous with “must”, but with “did”. It’s a common use and doesn’t imply what you are thinking it does. Sorry, but “had to” does not mean “did”. “Had to” means “had to”, as in “needed to”. Does “Tom thought he had to lock the door” mean the same thing as “Tom thought he did lock the door”? No, it doesn’t. Completely different meanings. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/38 "2011-09-25T19:09:45Z")
In this instance it does. The speaker does not mean that she needed to die, regardless of your overly literal interpretation. It’s an idiomatic phrasing and like most idiomatic phrasings shouldn’t be parsed word for word like that. ---
**Author:** ![Snow\_Pea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Snow\_Pea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snow_Pea)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/39 "2011-09-25T19:23:18Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > In this instance it does. The speaker does not mean that she needed to die, Correct. He means it’s a shame that she died. But by inserting the completely unnecessary “had to”, changes the meaning to something he did not intend. So…stop doing it. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519/40 "2011-09-25T19:52:44Z")
It’s a shame you had to revive this thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbasses-tragedies-dont-have-to-happen-mmmkay-lame/595519.md?page=3)