# Dumber than...As nervous as...what \*rural\* similes amuse you?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [April 28, 2002, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077 "2002-04-28T07:58:36Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 9

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**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\
**Post date:** [January 15, 2015, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077/161 "2015-01-15T13:22:57Z")

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Nervous as the witch at the auto de fe. Used that a few times in college.

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**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\
**Post date:** [January 15, 2015, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077/162 "2015-01-15T14:52:59Z")

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Slicker than snake shit and deeper than whale shit.

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**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\
**Post date:** [January 15, 2015, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077/163 "2015-01-15T19:17:13Z")

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> [@Bill Clinton](#):
>
> Don’t know him from Adam’s off ox.

Regards,  
Shodan

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**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\
**Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077/164 "2015-01-16T06:31:34Z")

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(someone is hurt or complaining) Just rub some dirt on it and walk it off.  
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.  
If he were twice as smart, he would be a half-wit.  
So confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his behind.  
(same difference) Six of one, half dozen of another.  
(stupid idea / you’re lying) That dog won’t hunt.  
(surprise) Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.  
Slap my ass and call me Sally.  
The ass crack of dawn.  
(admiration of testicular fortitude) You got some serious onions.

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**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\
**Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077/165 "2015-01-16T15:14:08Z")

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Can’t never could do nothing.

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**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\
**Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumber-than-as-nervous-as-what-rural-similes-amuse-you/106077/166 "2015-01-16T15:43:41Z")

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I feel like a sack full of assholes, with the good ones picked out.

Dumb as an anvil.

Bright as a penny.

Fine as paint.

So dumb that he thinks the Mexican border pays rent.

So dumb he thinks Wade Boggs is how you get across the river.

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