# Dumbest comic book supervillains **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 9, 2013, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497 "2013-03-09T19:39:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/21 "2013-03-12T15:06:47Z")
[Gaard](http://www.comiccollectorlive.com/LiveData/Issue.aspx?id=b4828800-473f-4dc8-a011-f86297a49daf) from Fantastic Four #163. Just like the Silver Surfer, except his sport of choice is…hockey. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/22 "2013-03-12T15:18:07Z")
**Glop** from Wonder Woman #151. It could take on the shape of anything it ate, but generally looked like a runny Blob. Even worse, it spoke in verse: > **[Wonder Woman #151 - Wonder Girl Vs. the Teenage Monster (Issue)](https://comicvine.gamespot.com/wonder-woman-151-wonder-girl-vs-the-teenage-monste/4000-109205/)** [http://connect.collectorz.com/comics/database/wonder-woman-vol-1/151-102052](http://connect.collectorz.com/comics/database/wonder-woman-vol-1/151-102052) [http://misc.thefullwiki.org/Wonder\_Woman\_Vol\_1\_151](http://misc.thefullwiki.org/Wonder_Woman_Vol_1_151) I wouldn’t have known about this one, were it not for _The Ambush Bug History of the DC Universe_, which I cannot recommend highly enough. [http://www.againwiththecomics.com/2008/02/ambush-bug-history-of-dc-universe.html](http://www.againwiththecomics.com/2008/02/ambush-bug-history-of-dc-universe.html) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/23 "2013-03-12T15:24:50Z")
> [@planetcory](#): > > And also in the now. [They’ve decided he’s a useful character again](http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd62/BatmanMadeCookies/chungzhu05.jpg). It also helps if you imagine he talks like the Sandman from the Real Ghostbusters. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/24 "2013-03-12T15:26:30Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > [Gaard](http://www.comiccollectorlive.com/LiveData/Issue.aspx?id=b4828800-473f-4dc8-a011-f86297a49daf) from Fantastic Four #163. Just like the Silver Surfer, except his sport of choice is…hockey. Wonder if that’s what Jack Kirby used to come up with his [Devilance](http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=active&sa=N&biw=1024&bih=680&tbm=isch&tbnid=jMOP_u-bvOdRQM:&imgrefurl=http://thecomixverse.com/%3Fp%3D44387&docid=0V0liilDhMhYXM&imgurl=http://thecomixverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ult_ronan_devilance.jpg&w=1100&h=900&ei=hEg_Uc2nEc-40QGj3YDAAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=730&vpy=162&dur=4199&hovh=203&hovw=248&tx=191&ty=84&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=135&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0,i:105) character. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/25 "2013-03-12T15:37:20Z")
> [@theR](#): > > Come on! How can Batman have an excuse to use his bat-kite without a Kite-Man to fight?!?! The Kite-Man wiki article has this gem: “As a boy, he was obsessed with Benjamin Franklin and attempted to recreate his famous kite-flying electrical experiment. However, he failed to take adequate safety precautions, wore metal braces, and stood in a bucket of water. The subsequent electrical shock psychologically traumatized him and forced him into a life of kite-centric crime.” Well, now, the whole thing makes sense! ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/26 "2013-03-12T15:54:57Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > The Kite-Man wiki article has this gem: “As a boy, he was obsessed with Benjamin Franklin and attempted to recreate his famous kite-flying electrical experiment. However, he failed to take adequate safety precautions, wore metal braces, and stood in a bucket of water. The subsequent electrical shock psychologically traumatized him and forced him into a life of kite-centric crime.” > > Well, now, the whole thing makes sense! Everyone said he was crazy, but he was just extraordinarily well-grounded! ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/27 "2013-03-12T16:12:03Z")
Marvel had a bad guy called [Axe](http://marvel.wikia.com/Axe_%28Mutant%29_%28Earth-616%29) who is listed as having “mutant powers” but I’ve never seen them described. His thing seemed to be “he’s holding an axe!” which is the same sort of “my item defines me” stupid villain concept Bob Burden satirized so well with The Shoveler. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/28 "2013-03-12T16:25:13Z")
I nominate [Madcap](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madcap_%28comics%29). His only real superpower is healing himself pretty much instantly, so he can keep coming back and annoying you again and again and again… ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/29 "2013-03-12T16:26:10Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Marvel had a bad guy called [Axe](http://marvel.wikia.com/Axe_%28Mutant%29_%28Earth-616%29) who is listed as having “mutant powers” but I’ve never seen them described. But I pity da foo’ who try ta go up agin’ him! ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/30 "2013-03-12T16:28:42Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > Wonder if that’s what Jack Kirby used to come up with his [Devilance](http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=active&sa=N&biw=1024&bih=680&tbm=isch&tbnid=jMOP_u-bvOdRQM:&imgrefurl=http://thecomixverse.com/%3Fp%3D44387&docid=0V0liilDhMhYXM&imgurl=http://thecomixverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ult_ronan_devilance.jpg&w=1100&h=900&ei=hEg_Uc2nEc-40QGj3YDAAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=730&vpy=162&dur=4199&hovh=203&hovw=248&tx=191&ty=84&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=135&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0,i:105) character. Devilance actually came first, but the similarity of the pose is no accident. The artist who drew Gaard (Joe Sinnott) spent several years inking over Kirby’s pencils for Fantastic Four and other Kirby-drawn Marvel titles. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/31 "2013-03-12T16:32:48Z")
One of Daredevil’s foes, [Stilt-Man](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stilt-man). Ridiculously long hydraulic stilts. ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/32 "2013-03-12T16:35:28Z")
If you follow the newspaper version of Spider Man, you’ve seen who I think is the most ridiculous excuse for a villian ever: [Clown 9](http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.380883-Clown-9-New-Spiderman-Villain). ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/33 "2013-03-12T16:49:08Z")
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: [The Carpenter!](http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=batman+the+carpenter&FORM=HDRSC2#view=detail&id=C6C61D3770326115A63C596CCDFCED90F826AAEA&selectedIndex=36) She was actually a random mook for Tweedledee and Tweedledum, who were themselves little more than mooks. That look of puppy-dog meloncholy on ehr face is both priceless and rather endearing. There may have been some random sidenote about her becoming a handy-woman at Arkham. ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/34 "2013-03-12T16:52:35Z")
Wile E. Coyote. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/35 "2013-03-12T17:24:05Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > [Kite-Man](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kite-Man) - he’s a criminal …with a kite. Truly history’s greatest monster. I like this [pic of Kite-Man](http://www.fanboyscloset.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/kite-man.jpg) where Zantanna is knocking him out of the sky right into Charlie Brown’s Kite Eating Tree. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/36 "2013-03-12T17:27:20Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > I like this [pic of Kite-Man](http://www.fanboyscloset.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/kite-man.jpg) where Zantanna is knocking him out of the sky right into Charlie Brown’s Kite Eating Tree. For bonus points, you know Kite-Man’s real name is _“Charlie Brown,”_ right? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/37 "2013-03-12T17:29:52Z")
I disagree about Gaard. Arkon did have a reason for him assuming a goalie costume ( to protect a singularity or some such thing. It’s been a couple of decades since I’ve read FF). He had enough power to beat the stuffing out of the Thing. When his true identity was finally revealed in the concluding chapter of that story arc, it was kind of tragic. He was Johnny Storm on an alternate Earth. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/38 "2013-03-12T17:56:05Z")
In **Metal Men** #3 (the original series, from 1963) a micro-organism infects an egg Platinum (Tina) is scrambling, mutating it into a giant nameless monster that manages to destroy several of the Metal Men. Tin eventually sacrifices himself, making a giant Tin Can (I kid you not. The series was notorious for this sort of thing) than encased the Killer Egg (which remained nameless) and, unless DC revisited this episode, it’s still orbiting the Earth. Subsequent issues featured a new Tin robot (along with a new Lead, Mercury, etc. to replace those destroyed by the Killer Egg. [http://www.amazon.com/Metal-Back-Issue-Comic-Book/dp/B008JL4WJM](http://www.amazon.com/Metal-Back-Issue-Comic-Book/dp/B008JL4WJM) Arguably worse was **Conan the Barbarian** #31, where Conan fights his own shadow: [http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;\_ylt=A0PDoYD\_az9RjUcA0\_.JzbkF;\_ylu=X3oDMTBlMTQ4cGxyBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1n?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F\_adv\_prop%3Dimage%26va%3DConan%2Bthe%2BBarbarian%2Bcomic%2Bshadow%26fr%3Dyfp-t-200%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D15&w=500&h=500&imgurl=ecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F61-AszEuqbL.\_SL500\_SS500\_.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FConan-Barbarian-Shadow-Tomb-October%2Fdp%2F0249820315&size=76.4+KB&name=Conan+the+Barbarian%3A+The+Shadow+on+the+Tomb!+(Vol.+1%2C+No.+31%2C+October+...&p=Conan+the+Barbarian+comic+shadow&oid=5ddfe6da2c5ae9fca259f96bf89cfbb6&fr2=&fr=yfp-t-200&tt=Conan%2Bthe%2BBarbarian%253A%2BThe%2BShadow%2Bon%2Bthe%2BTomb%2521%2B%2528Vol.%2B1%252C%2BNo.%2B31%252C%2BOctober%2B...&b=0&ni=200&no=15&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=12795gvcv&sigb=13vo5it77&sigi=11sqrngou&.crumb=G.kSrW0OssH](http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoYD_az9RjUcA0_.JzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTBlMTQ4cGxyBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1n?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimage%26va%3DConan%2Bthe%2BBarbarian%2Bcomic%2Bshadow%26fr%3Dyfp-t-200%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D15&w=500&h=500&imgurl=ecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F61-AszEuqbL._SL500_SS500_.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FConan-Barbarian-Shadow-Tomb-October%2Fdp%2F0249820315&size=76.4+KB&name=Conan+the+Barbarian%3A+The+Shadow+on+the+Tomb%21+%28Vol.+1%2C+No.+31%2C+October+...&p=Conan+the+Barbarian+comic+shadow&oid=5ddfe6da2c5ae9fca259f96bf89cfbb6&fr2=&fr=yfp-t-200&tt=Conan%2Bthe%2BBarbarian%253A%2BThe%2BShadow%2Bon%2Bthe%2BTomb%2521%2B%2528Vol.%2B1%252C%2BNo.%2B31%252C%2BOctober%2B...&b=0&ni=200&no=15&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=12795gvcv&sigb=13vo5it77&sigi=11sqrngou&.crumb=G.kSrW0OssH) Writer Roy Thomas credits his wife with suggesting this idea. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/39 "2013-03-12T18:33:00Z")
> [@Lukeinva](#): > > Wile E. Coyote. Wile E. Coyote is a _villain_? I’m clearly going to have to rethink my entire approach to existentialism. ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497/40 "2013-03-12T18:40:17Z")
Think I’d have to nominate [The Walrus](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walrus_(comics)). He has “the proportionate speed, strength and agility of a walrus” apparently [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-comic-book-supervillains/652497.md?page=3)