# Dumbest ideas in all of literature **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 23, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753 "2009-06-23T19:47:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/21 "2009-06-24T16:25:09Z")
> [@Umbriel2](#): > > I think it’s mentioned somewhere in the movie that the objective of invading rural Colorado was to secure passes across the Rockies. Which makes sense if you can swallow the idea of an all-out invasion of the continental US in the first place. > > I’m not sure that they referenced any widespread nuking of the coasts, though. I recall some reference to someplace like St. Louis being nuked in some sort of show of force, but otherwise the premise was that the invaders didn’t especially want to nuke what they were trying to conquer, and the US was hesitant to use such weapons on its own soil (some sort of Soviet “Star Wars” defense making strategic retaliation unfeasible). I believe nukes are only referenced obliquely once. When Powers Boothe explains the recent drop in the chinese population. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/22 "2009-06-24T16:38:11Z")
Oh, to actually contribute to the thread…the Tom Bombadil excusion in Fellowship. I know books and essays galore have been written about how important this part is to the book. Meh. It’s presented in a really irritating and boring way. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/23 "2009-06-24T16:58:55Z")
How about the Sherlock Holmes mystery, “The Adventure of the Speckled Band”? We’re supposed to believe tha tthe killer TRAINED a poisonous adder (despite snakes being notoriously dumb, and practically incapable of learning ANYTHING) to slither down a rope, bite the intended victim, and then climb back up when the killer whistled (even though snakes are DEAF)… all for the reward of a saucer of milk (which wouldn’t reall interest snakes in the least). ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/24 "2009-06-24T17:16:54Z")
**Dr No** : trying to kill Bond by putting a tarantula in his room or in his bed. 1. If you can get into Bond’s room to put a spider there, why not just wait until he comes back and shoot or stab him, or use any of the many other ways of hurting people that have been tried and tested for centuries? 2. The only thing a spider will do in such circumstances is try to find somewhere dark and undisturbed, where it can stay perfectly still and safe for its own protection for as long as possible. The idea that it would try to ‘attack’ Bond or bite him is utterly absurd. Bond isn’t prey. Bond isn’t even _close_ to being prey. The spider knows this. 3. Tarantula bites are rarely if ever even a serious problem for healthy adults, let alone fatal. Uncomfortable and unwelcome, yes, but not a serious problem. ‘Dr No’ would know this. 4. Even _if_ this creature were dangerous (which it isn’t), and even _if_ it were crawling towards or even over Bond in a dangerous way (which it would never do), it would be child’s play to deal with. One simple flick with the back of the hand would send it flying. Tarantulas, like all spiders, are very light and fragile. When you handle a tarantula, the hardest thing is _not hurting it_. Yeah, I know it the movie it meant they could have their ‘oooh, scary spider’ scene. But this thread is about dumb ideas, and this ‘plan’ is exceedingly dumb. ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/25 "2009-06-24T18:00:12Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > I was looking desperately through Capt. Walton’s journal for something that would imply that he was looking for a northwest passage or a northernmost journey or anything at all along those lines, but it explicitly stated that his goal was to sail to the North Pole. This is from the first edition, not the more popular third edition, if that makes a difference. I don’t see what’s so wrong with that. It was known quite early that the polar ice was drifting, and Fridtjof Nansen attempted to reach the North Pole with a wooden ship called Fram as late as the 1890’s and while doing so came closer to the geographic Pole than anyone had ever done before. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/26 "2009-06-24T18:08:56Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > An impoverished society where everyone is fat. Huh? That makes perfect sense – lousy fattening foods tend to be cheaper than a proper balanced diet. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/27 "2009-06-24T18:17:23Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Watched “Red Dawn” the other night. Ripping yarn, interesting premise, EXCEPT. A daughter asked, “The kids in the school were not in Duck’n’Cover mode, though the East and West coasts have been nuked and the Soviets and Cubans are parachuting troops into BFE, Colorado? A town with no strategic potential? Why did they do that? How did their transports not get blown out of the sky by militiamen with Stingers who’ve been praying for this day all their lives?” > > OK, she didn’t express her strategic and tactical misgivings quite like that. What she did say was, “Are they crazy? Everybody out there has guns and wants to kill Commies.” And yet, they are making a sequel. Hijack, since it’s not so much a dumb premise as a stupid depiction, but ther part where the kids gradually notice a noise behind them and turn around to find that a \*Soviet Armored Division \*has snuck up behind them with diesel tanks, to within 20 feet or so, was the worst moment for me. The tank engines thunder and rumble quite threateningly as soon as the kids are staring at them in dismay. Apparently they didn’t during the “sneaking up” part. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/28 "2009-06-24T23:53:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Dr No: trying to kill Bond by putting a tarantula in his room or in his bed. > > 1. If you can get into Bond’s room to put a spider there, why not just wait until he comes back and shoot or stab him, or use any of the many other ways of hurting people that have been tried and tested for centuries? > > 2. The only thing a spider will do in such circumstances is try to find somewhere dark and undisturbed, where it can stay perfectly still and safe for its own protection for as long as possible. The idea that it would try to ‘attack’ Bond or bite him is utterly absurd. Bond isn’t prey. Bond isn’t even close to being prey. The spider knows this. > > 3. Tarantula bites are rarely if ever even a serious problem for healthy adults, let alone fatal. Uncomfortable and unwelcome, yes, but not a serious problem. ‘Dr No’ would know this. > > 4. Even if this creature were dangerous (which it isn’t), and even if it were crawling towards or even over Bond in a dangerous way (which it would never do), it would be child’s play to deal with. One simple flick with the back of the hand would send it flying. Tarantulas, like all spiders, are very light and fragile. When you handle a tarantula, the hardest thing is not hurting it. Actually, in the book it’s a centipede, which makes more sense. To my mind the dumbest thing in the movie waas far dumber than that – it was Dr. No putting Bond in a cell with a ventilator shaft more than big enough for him to crawl through – even if he did electrify it. Then the duct gets really hot, then Bond gets sea water flooding him. Who the hell heats up a ventilator duct and flushes it with sea water? It makes no sense at all. It wasn’t until I read the book, where Bond’s crawl through the duct is actually a deliberately-made obdstacle course for him. Of course, it doesn’t make any sense in the movie as an obstacle course, either – bond is able to crawl through and then take a guard by surprise, which he shouldn’t have been able to do if there was either a sadistic obstacle course or a well-made prison. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/29 "2009-06-25T04:10:32Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Immortals are from another planet. Or the end of time. Either way, it’s pretty dumb. > > (And yes, the movie actually exists. Pretending movies don’t exist when they do, that’s pretty dumb in itself.) I appear to be the only person who thinks Zeist was an appropriate idea betrayed by a horribly executed movie. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/30 "2009-06-25T05:19:27Z")
I might get flamed but I thought the premise of pre-cogs in Minority Report was stupid. (I haven’t read the book, which maybe explains it better than the film did). So these people can see the future, but only as it relates to violent crimes, not other stuff like, say, that one of them was going to get kidnapped? (dumb!) How did they get their abilities? - mutation (dumb!) What’s their precog range? - the whole world, or just the local city? (dumb!) They often only see the future crime in **just** enough time for the police to race there and prevent it. (dumb!) What is everyone going to do when these pre-cogs die of old age? (dumb!). Special effects were cool though. ---
**Author:** ![Schuyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Schuyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schuyler)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/31 "2009-06-25T06:02:56Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Huh? That makes perfect sense – lousy fattening foods tend to be cheaper than a proper balanced diet. Actually, rather than poor but fat people in an affluent society (for example the U.S.), it’s probably more instructive to think of the North Koreans (living in an impoverished society) who as a people are stunted in relation to the relatively well-nourished South Koreans. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/32 "2009-06-25T08:57:10Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > So these people can see the future, but only as it relates to violent crimes, not other stuff like, say, that one of them was going to get kidnapped? (dumb!) Maybe they could see it, but their discovery didn’t trigger the same sort of reaction as seeing a murder, so their minders didn’t notice. > [@](#): > > What’s their precog range? - the whole world, or just the local city? (dumb!) They often only see the future crime in **just** enough time for the police to race there and prevent it. (dumb!) They’re using a second-hand detection system - it’s hardly surprising that either stage is going to have limitations. You’re attacking the entire premise of a sci-fi movie, on the basis of it being sci-fi. > [@](#): > > What is everyone going to do when these pre-cogs die of old age? (dumb!). No, not dumb, realistic. People discovered something useful and started taking advantage of it. Delaying their use of pre-cogs until they can reproduce the phenomenon doesn’t make them any better off, and in the meantime people are dying. ---
**Author:** ![Gcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Gcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gcat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/33 "2009-06-25T09:47:26Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I was wondering what other dumb concepts are floating around out there. Is there anything that can top the sheer WTFness of SPARKLY VAMPIRES? I personally doubt it, but give it your best shot. Sunlight kills vampires. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/34 "2009-06-25T10:40:33Z")
A pair of magical size adjusting pants that brings four friends together. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/35 "2009-06-25T14:16:27Z")
ianzin: > [@](#): > > Dr No: trying to kill Bond by putting a tarantula in his room or in his bed. Of all of Bond-dom, this isn’t even in the top 5 of dumbest ways the villains try to kill Bond, while squandering better ones. At the top of that list, IMHO, is the scene in **Live and Let Die** in which Mr. Big forces Bond at gunpoint to an island in the middle of his crocodile swamp, and then attracts the crocs with fresh meat. YOU HAVE A GUN ON HIM, YOU IDIOTS! KILL HIM WITH THE GUN! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/36 "2009-06-25T15:02:47Z")
> [@](#): > > While I’ve never read the books myself ( they didn’t sound appealing ), there’s the Libertarian near utopia in by Michael Z. Williamson’s Freehold books ( which realistically would disintegrate into a Social Darwinian hellhole almost immediately ), and his outright silly Earth government. The tyrannical Earth government is a logically inconsistent mishmash of everything the author dislikes; a society that tracks everyone via implants yet can’t track down criminals; a society that ruthlessly mass murders people, but that issues nonlethal ammo to it’s troops as a default because they are soft compared to the he-man Freeholders. An impoverished society where everyone is fat. A society with massive taxation that appears to do little with that money, including train and equip it’s military. A society that can repair such things as spine damage and missing limbs, but is hampered by sending disabled people into combat out of political correctness. That’s nothing compared to _The Probability Broach_ by L. Neil Smith. In this “alternate history” there are two significant differences between the world in the book and reality. The United States is a typical libertopia where everything is perfect due to libertariansim. And gorillas talk. No detailed explanation was given. Apparently the reader is supposed to accept that primates revealing they are sentient would be an obvious result of libertarianism. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/37 "2009-06-25T15:27:07Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > No detailed explanation was given. Apparently the reader is supposed to accept that primates revealing they are sentient would be an obvious result of libertarianism. It’s a refreshing change from intelligent giant cephalopods. Did the gorillas have the deed to Manhattan, too? ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/38 "2009-06-25T15:38:53Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > That’s nothing compared to _The Probability Broach_ by L. Neil Smith. In this “alternate history” there are two significant differences between the world in the book and reality. The United States is a typical libertopia where everything is perfect due to libertariansim. And gorillas talk. > > No detailed explanation was given. Apparently the reader is supposed to accept that primates revealing they are sentient would be an obvious result of libertarianism. Maybe you have it backwards, and the sentient gorillas are the reason that the libertopia came into existence? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/39 "2009-06-25T16:36:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Maybe you have it backwards, and the sentient gorillas are the reason that the libertopia came into existence? No, it happened after the libertopia was formed. It’s been a long time since I read the book but as I recall the “explanation” was that primates supposedly always had the ability to talk but just never used it. Until one day they just decided they should. I don’t remember why America had a noticeable population of primates in the first place. My speculation is that Smith just thought the whole Planet of the Apes idea which was popular at the time was cool. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753/40 "2009-06-25T17:23:19Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > That’s nothing compared to _The Probability Broach_ by L. Neil Smith. In this “alternate history” there are two significant differences between the world in the book and reality. The United States is a typical libertopia where everything is perfect due to libertariansim. And gorillas talk. > > No detailed explanation was given. Apparently the reader is supposed to accept that primates revealing they are sentient would be an obvious result of libertarianism. Somehow I forgot that one, despite still having the book somewhere I think. Probably because L. Neil Smith lacks the nastiness of Michael Z. Williamson. Talking apes and electrically heated roads, due to the wonders of Libertarianism. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-ideas-in-all-of-literature/500753.md?page=3)