# Dumbest or most patently false advertising slogans **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340 "2004-08-11T12:34:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/1 "2004-08-11T12:34:52Z")
On TV here in England there is currently an advert for shampoo which “improves the radiant natural beauty of your hair” yadda yadda. The usual stuff. However, the slogan it ends with is so ridiculous that the first time I heard it I had to ask my girlfriend, “Did they _really_ just say that?”. Here goes: **With Pantene[sup]\*[/sup] your hair will _outshine the sun_ this summer** Okaaaayyy… Just warn me if you’re going to use it, honey, so I can switch to SPF30. Any more contenders? - or whatever the stupid brand is ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/2 "2004-08-11T12:36:43Z")
“Guinness is Good For You”? I don’t think they use this anymore, but they did, many years ago. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/3 "2004-08-11T12:59:51Z")
“Red Bull gives you wings.” Dammit, I’ve been drinking the stuff nonstop and I’m still not seeing any wings growing back there yet! ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/4 "2004-08-11T13:17:03Z")
“We’ve turned the corner.” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/5 "2004-08-11T13:18:32Z")
“I’m Lovin’ it.” No, actually, I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/6 "2004-08-11T13:37:36Z")
“As seen on TV”. Oh, that is _so_ impressive ---
**Author:** ![Gest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Gest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gest)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/7 "2004-08-11T13:54:56Z")
From the Ad Slogan Hall of Fame: **"Finger lickin’ good." KFC** I used to work for one of their suppliers and I know about what is in the seasoning. I don’t know what their understanding of the word _good_ is. **"All the news that’s fit to print." The New York Times** Have they kept this since Jayson Blair left? **"Because I’m worth it." L’Oréal** I find a cosmetics company talking about someone’s worth in any but a financial sense pretty appalling. **“Where do you want to go today?” Microsoft** Aside from the fact that it’s crap software; it’s _still_ just software. How many Windows using shut ins never go _anywhere_ because of it? **“It’s everywhere you want to be.” Visa** … so long as you’re in an English speaking country. Way less valuable in Germany or Japan where cash is still King. Or perhaps König or Emperor. **"Fly the friendly skies." United Airlines** I never associated flying with a friendly environment and less so now. **"Be all you can be." US Army** … so long as your niche isn’t colour consultant, aromatherapist or Post-Modernist intellectual. It’s a good thing though since these twits would be a great focus for the next War on Something. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/8 "2004-08-11T20:11:09Z")
> [@Gest](#): > > **"Be all you can be." US Army** > … so long as your niche isn’t colour consultant, aromatherapist or Post-Modernist intellectual. It’s a good thing though since these twits would be a great focus for the next War on Something. This was better than their current slogan: **An Army of One** 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/9 "2004-08-11T20:18:50Z")
“I didn’t take a shower yesterday, and I may not take one today, because I use Some Deodorant I Don’t Remember.” Right Guard? Mitchum? It was from a while back (the 70’s?), but yikes almighty. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/10 "2004-08-11T20:20:38Z")
Oh, and as for “patently false:” Yard-o-Beef. That sucker’s a foot and a half, tops. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/11 "2004-08-11T20:50:17Z")
I think it’s Listerine mouthwash (could be a different brand) says that it’s shown using the product daily is as good as flossing. So if you don’t floss, or don’t floss properly, this stuff will take care of you. At the bottom of the screen in small letters: “Floss daily” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/12 "2004-08-11T20:51:43Z")
A few years ago, ads for milk hailed it as having “less than 4% fat”. Which is true, if you’re measuring by weight (in which case, you count the weight of the water), but blatantly dishonest, since something like 50% of the _calories_ in whole milk come from fat. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/13 "2004-08-11T20:55:00Z")
Oops, forgot the other 2. 1. Any car commercial that shows off it’s handling with the disclaimer that you shouldn’t attempt it. WTF is the point of showing it off and engineering it if we’re NOT supposed to use it. 2. The new Ford F-series truck ads that tout the 4-1/2" bolts used bor the bed. Then it shows the entire truck being suspended from the rear over what pruports to be a man standing underneath it. Again, small letters at the bottom warn not to try this. Well WTF not!!! If the goddamn bolts are that strong that you feel the need to suspend the truck awith a single one, why NOT try it at home? :wally ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/14 "2004-08-11T21:51:33Z")
“Prexonera may not be for everyone. Possible side effects include dizziness, weight gain or loss, increased heart rate, sweaty palms, heart palpitations, night terrors, obesity, flatulence, incontinence, schizophrenia, diarrhea, rash or other skin disorder, hearing loss, hair loss, depression, anxiety…” Great Jumping Jesus, do they think they’re actually _selling_ any of this stuff with that kind of ad? “Well, it doesn’t say that it _kills_ people, and I really need to clear up my Athlete’s Foot…” ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/15 "2004-08-11T22:04:41Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > “Prexonera may not be for everyone. Possible side effects include dizziness, weight gain or loss, increased heart rate, sweaty palms, heart palpitations, night terrors, obesity, flatulence, incontinence, schizophrenia, diarrhea,\*\* rash or other skin disorder\*\*, hearing loss, hair loss, depression, anxiety…” > > Great Jumping Jesus, do they think they’re actually _selling_ any of this stuff with that kind of ad? “Well, it doesn’t say that it _kills_ people, and I really need to clear up my Athlete’s Foot…” I’m guessing they make something for that, too. Possible side effect: Athlete’s Foot. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/16 "2004-08-11T22:14:05Z")
“America works best when you say ‘Union Yes.’” ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/17 "2004-08-11T22:14:56Z")
The Angus Diet from Burger King. I hate those damn commercials. And the fine print. “The Angus Diet is not an actual diet.” I dunno if you have actually gone to the web site, [www.angusdiet.com](http://www.angusdiet.com/), but they’re actually selling a book entitled “The Angus Diet,” which they’re advertising is for anyone “with a lot of time to burn.” Admittedly, the site is mostly a joke site, but BK has gone to a hell of a lot of effort for a joke. And those commercials are some of the stupidest, most obnoxious I’ve seen in a long time. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/18 "2004-08-11T22:24:48Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > The Angus Diet from Burger King. I hate those damn commercials. And the fine print. “The Angus Diet is not an actual diet.” I dunno if you have actually gone to the web site, > [www.angusdiet.com](http://www.angusdiet.com/), but they’re actually selling a book entitled “The Angus Diet,” which they’re advertising is for anyone “with a lot of time to burn.” Admittedly, the site is mostly a joke site, but BK has gone to a hell of a lot of effort for a joke. And those commercials are some of the stupidest, most obnoxious I’ve seen in a long time. I think what annoys me most about those commercials is that they say it’s not a diet. Well, guess what…it is! The definition of diet (the verb form, at least) is: To eat and drink according to a regulated system. Well, if you eat nothing but an Angus burger, that’s a regulated system! Yeah, you’re not gonna lose weight…you’re cholesterol will shoot through the roof, and you’ll get congestive heart failure, but it’s still, technically, a diet! What they _should_ say, is that it’s not a GOOD diet, or a diet designed to promote weight loss. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/19 "2004-08-11T22:28:56Z")
Did you guys notice they changed the commercial for those gel inserts for shoes from: “You must be _gellin’_!” “Like a felon!” To: “You must be _gellin’_!” “Like Magellan!” Umm, ooookay. Either way though, WTF?! ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/20 "2004-08-11T22:34:37Z")
I hear this one on NPR a lot. _“Keane: we get IT done.”_ Sure you do. I worked in an IT department for almost 10 years. And IT is \*never \* “done.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=2)