# Dumbest or most patently false advertising slogans **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340 "2004-08-11T12:34:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/21 "2004-08-11T23:48:24Z")
> [@Demo](#): > > Did you guys notice they changed the commercial for those gel inserts for shoes from: > > “You must be _gellin’_!” > “Like a felon!” > > To: > > “You must be _gellin’_!” > “Like Magellan!” > > Umm, ooookay. So I didn’t imagine that then? I thought something was different. I was thinking, “Gellin like Magellan? That’s not very clever. Gellin like a felon was better.” Yeah, I watch to much t.v. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/22 "2004-08-11T23:57:46Z")
There was a commercial for a small department store called _Kohl’s_ a few years back that had some corny singing in it that I don’t remember much of. What I do remember though, is the last line: _At Kohl’s - we make the world go 'round!"_ Yes. The world would stop turning if not for Kohl’s my friends. Keep that in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/23 "2004-08-12T00:43:15Z")
“Fair and Balanced” ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/24 "2004-08-12T01:28:20Z")
The only place I’ve ever seen this is emblazoned on a Goodyear truck in our area, which is probably just as well. “Goodyear: As American as Farming.” WTF? Because everywhere else in the world, people rely upon hunting and gathering, or mana that drifts down from the heavens. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/25 "2004-08-12T07:06:08Z")
There’s a brand of cold medication currently being advertised here (where it’s winter), using the tortoise and hare theme from Aesop’s fable. However, the advertisement suggests that if you buy the product, you will end up like the hare! As I recall, it was actually the tortoise, and \*\*not \*\* the hare, that eventually won the race. I think the advertising agency should go off and re-read the fable. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/26 "2004-08-12T07:09:17Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > There’s a brand of cold medication currently being advertised here (where it’s winter), using the tortoise and hare theme from Aesop’s fable. However, the advertisement suggests that if you buy the product, you will end up like the hare! As I recall, it was actually the tortoise, and \*\*not \*\* the hare, that eventually won the race. I think the advertising agency should go off and re-read the fable. They’re probably suggesting it’ll get you back into the corporate grinder faster than the tortoise. However, they don’t tell you that you’ll thusly suffer burnout much faster and the tortoise will ultimately win the race to the full pension before dying. That or they’re way off on the imagry. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/27 "2004-08-12T07:29:48Z")
tampon ad from years back: “Remember, they named it Rely!” Which means what? _They_ named it; they could have named it anything. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/28 "2004-08-12T07:53:32Z")
I find that cosmetic and hair care product ads are usually the most chock filled with pseudoscientific babble. I heard a shampoo ad not long ago bragging that their product contained “nutrillium”. I must have missed the announcement of the discovery of a new, hair-enriching element. Oh, and, for the record, you can’t blame pharmaceutical companies for ads where they list the side effects - that’s a federal law. If they say what the drug is for, they also have to list the most significant side effects. ---
**Author:** ![Gamaliel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b487fb/32.png) [@Gamaliel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gamaliel)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/29 "2004-08-12T08:00:08Z")
“I’m a uniter, not a divider.” ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/30 "2004-08-12T08:05:18Z")
> [@Gamaliel](#): > > “I’m a uniter, not a divider.” If we’re going that far let’s figure out if any of the ad agencies for the bove slogans came up with this: “Got a problem with a legal issue? Come to IS! Just don’t ask what IS is!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/31 "2004-08-12T11:40:26Z")
> [@Demo](#): > > Did you guys notice they changed the commercial for those gel inserts for shoes from: > > “You must be _gellin’_!” > “Like a felon!” > > To: > > “You must be _gellin’_!” > “Like Magellan!” > > Umm, ooookay. > > Either way though, WTF?! The only one of these I like has a couple of stockbrokers on the floor of the exchange: “I’m takin’ a shellin’, but I’m still gellin’!” Not the Chuckles the Clown episode of Mary Tyler Moore (the gold standard of humor), but not totally unamunsing… ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/32 "2004-08-12T12:51:55Z")
**"The strongest pain medication you can buy without a prescription."** wanna bet? ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/33 "2004-08-13T01:21:27Z")
My favorite: The Ronco Showtime Rotisserie: **Set It And Forget It!**. Of course, if you look at one of these in the store, this motto is emblazoned on the box. Beneath it in fine print, something like: “Not to be taken literally. Unit should never be left unattended.” So, their most widely-touted selling point is FALSE? Good move, there. Another one which has been infesting my local airwaves of late: Advair (an asthma medication): **Go.** Buh? When I was a tyke, “go” was a euphemism for elimination of bodily waste. I’m not sure what they’re trying to say here. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/34 "2004-08-13T01:25:03Z")
> [@tpayne](#): > > “Fair and Balanced” I saw the thread title and came in here just to see how long it would take for this to be posted. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/35 "2004-08-13T02:00:32Z")
cannot remember what the product is maybe Avacore… anyways I hear it on the radio all the time, this phrase bugs the bat piss out of me (don not as how the bat piss got there) “Proven so effective it recieved a US patent!” huh? I might be clueless in regards to patents but I was under the impression an Idea was patented not the efectiveness of such a product or idea. ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/36 "2004-08-13T02:53:17Z")
There’s a tampon commercial doing the rounds here in Australia, which features a slogan like: “Life’s always changing, but here’s something you’ll never want to change again!” Do you think they thought about their actual product, or do they just have a big book of slogans that they’re slowly working through? And the dubious statistics in beauty product commercials! They’re full of impossibly precise numbers or quantities of things that can’t be measured! “Up to 47% shinier!” “More than 3 times the pizazz!” ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/37 "2004-08-13T03:28:45Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > “I didn’t take a shower yesterday, and I may not take one today, because I use Some Deodorant I Don’t Remember.” Right Guard? Mitchum? It was from a while back (the 70’s?), but yikes almighty. Mitchum. I also remember reading a commentary on one specific ad that showed the guy in bed: “no wonder he’s in bed alone!” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/38 "2004-08-13T03:37:57Z")
> [@LMM](#): > > “Guinness is Good For You”? I don’t think they use this anymore, but they did, many years ago. This one happens to be true! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/39 "2004-08-13T05:42:31Z")
I’ve been hearing a radio advertisement for ITT Technical Institute a lot lately. It starts with the voiceover proclaiming somthing like, “If you want to work in the fields of computers, drafting or electronics, you need to have the required knowledge and skills.” Well no shit. :smack: Can somebody name a profession for me that _doesn’t_ have “required knowledge and skills”??? A fucking **doorman** is required to have the “knowledge and skills” necessary for **opening a door**! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/40 "2004-08-13T06:20:09Z")
> [@lambchops](#): > > And the dubious statistics in beauty product commercials! They’re full of impossibly precise numbers or quantities of things that can’t be measured! “Up to 47% shinier!” “More than 3 times the pizazz!” Get your teeth up to six shades whiter! :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=3)