# Dumbest or most patently false advertising slogans **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340 "2004-08-11T12:34:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/41 "2004-08-13T06:51:43Z")
> [@Osip](#): > > cannot remember what the product is maybe Avacore… anyways I hear it on the radio all the time, this phrase bugs the bat piss out of me (don not as how the bat piss got there) > > “Proven so effective it received a US patent!” > > huh? I might be clueless in regards to patents but I was under the impression an Idea was patented not the efectiveness of such a product or idea. Well, yes and no. An idea by itself isn’t much. You need an application of the idea, by and large, to get a patent, and if it isn’t actually effective, it won’t get a patent. Mind you, the slogan is still idiotic, since patents aren’t awards or anything like that. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/42 "2004-08-13T07:09:35Z")
Any stupid-ass scheme for collect calls: Like someone’s really going to thank me for saving them money when I’ve called them fucking collect??? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/43 "2004-08-13T07:15:52Z")
Oh yeah, and I like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as much as the next guy, but “It’s the cheesiest!” is a bit overstating things, don’t ya think? Of course, calling it “Kraft Cheese and Macaroni” is a great idea, considering that cheese sauce mix is the last thing listed on the ingredients. Is it really even technically cheese? Or some sort of _cheese product_, a la Velveeta? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/44 "2004-08-13T08:28:14Z")
Mars confectionery just recently got called to order over one of their products called ‘Aqua Drops’ - these are little lemon/mint and apple/mint hard candies with sorbitol and menthol - the advertsising slogan (also appearing on the pack) was ‘Instant Hydration’. Ummmm… but… they don’t actually contain any water. The slogan, along with the ‘Aqua Drops’ name was considered to be misleading and they have been ordered to change it. ---
**Author:** ![Ponster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponster/32/17081_2.png) [@Ponster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponster)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/45 "2004-08-13T09:56:46Z")
> [@LMM](#): > > “Guinness is Good For You”? I don’t think they use this anymore, but they did, many years ago. Ahhhh, you mean to say you haven’t been drinking your Guinness then? [Good For You](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3266819.stm) > [@](#): > > Guinness, in fact, is lower in alcohol, calories and carbohydrates than Samuel Adams, Budweiser, Heineken and almost every other major-brand beer not classified as light or low-carb. It has fewer calories and carbohydrates than low-fat milk and orange juice, too. As a child I’d be given a glass of Guinness with some milk whenever I was feeling ill…oh and how I was ill ! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/46 "2004-08-13T11:32:18Z")
> [@Dijon Warlock](#): > > Another one which has been infesting my local airwaves of late: > > Advair (an asthma medication): **Go.** > > Buh? When I was a tyke, “go” was a euphemism for elimination of bodily waste. I’m not sure what they’re trying to say here. Which makes it even funnier if it’s aired right before or after that one for the prescription drug (Detrol LA?) for bladder disorders and incontinence that uses the jingle, “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta _go_ right now!” ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/47 "2004-08-13T11:33:16Z")
**Ponster** , don’t you find it weird how in today’s society, the measure of how good something is for you is what it _doesn’t_ contain? Back in the day, it would be “This is really nutritious, it contains X, Y and Z!” - nowadays, it’s “This is really good for you - it contains no added A and is 100% free from B and C!”. Odd. > [@lambchops](#): > > And the dubious statistics in beauty product commercials! They’re full of impossibly precise numbers or quantities of things that can’t be measured! “Up to 47% shinier!” “More than 3 times the pizazz!” Hmm, you may movk, but I worked for a while at a, ahem, major cosmetics and pharmaceutical manufacturer, and we actually did measure stuff like that. “Makes hair up to 87% stronger” - yep, I tested that, with little swatches of hair and a strain gauge. The shininess, IIRC, was measured using some kind of reflectometer. We never had a pizazzoscope, though ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Julius\_Henry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8797f3/32.png) [@Julius\_Henry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Julius_Henry)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/48 "2004-08-13T11:47:33Z")
A guy I work with has been trying (for years) to get his own business going. He has a magnetic sign on the sides of his pickup with all of the usual business information, and it includes his slogan – In business to make a profit, not to rip you off. He says the guy at the sign store liked it. ---
**Author:** ![Sami41](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@Sami41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sami41)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/49 "2004-08-13T11:54:07Z")
**Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper**. . .than what? Diet Sprite? Milk? A bloody mary? ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/50 "2004-08-13T12:26:09Z")
There’s a company that makes hair dye that claims that their hair dye “works with your hair’s natural tones and highlights.” Hair dye comes in a bottle and it’s a chemical. It can’t look at your hair and go “she’s a redhead. Let’s add some gold highlights around her face,” or “hmmm she already HAS gold highlights, let’s add some brown.” It doesn’t know what colors look good on you and it frankly doesn’t care. It’s LIQUID. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/51 "2004-08-13T14:13:50Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > “Prexonera may not be for everyone. Possible side effects include dizziness, weight gain or loss, increased heart rate, sweaty palms, heart palpitations, night terrors, obesity, flatulence, incontinence, schizophrenia, diarrhea, rash or other skin disorder, hearing loss, hair loss, depression, anxiety…” > > Great Jumping Jesus, do they think they’re actually _selling_ any of this stuff with that kind of ad? “Well, it doesn’t say that it _kills_ people, and I really need to clear up my Athlete’s Foot…” It’s either list all those common side effects, or else by law they can’t even tell you what the medication’s good for. The only recently-released prescription drug I can recall where **everyone** knew what it was before it was made available was Viagra, because of all the media hype ahead of time. They have the best of both worlds - watch their commercials some time, it’s just a bunch of euphemisms and urging you to talk to your doctor, and you know that there isn’t anyone out there who’s wondering what the hell this stuff is, unlike with the other vague prescription meds commercials. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/52 "2004-08-13T14:29:27Z")
> [@lambchops](#): > > And the dubious statistics in beauty product commercials! They’re full of impossibly precise numbers or quantities of things that can’t be measured! “Up to 47% shinier!” “More than 3 times the pizazz!” I heard somewhere that 53% of all statistics are made up. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/53 "2004-08-13T20:19:32Z")
I just thought of another one that has perplexed for years. _Zest_. They say it rinses cleaner than soap. Not that it rinses better than a competitor’s product. But that it rinses better than **soap**. I’ve never been able to figure out exactly what Zest is, but apparently it ain’t soap. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/54 "2004-08-13T21:12:31Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > I just thought of another one that has perplexed for years. > > _Zest_. They say it rinses cleaner than soap. Not that it rinses better than a competitor’s product. But that it rinses better than **soap**. > > I’ve never been able to figure out exactly what Zest is, but apparently it ain’t soap. 😕 It’s detergent, dear. ---
**Author:** ![ookpik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c68b51/32.png) [@ookpik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ookpik)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/55 "2004-08-13T21:33:32Z")
Just saw this last weekend: A really cheap looking pach of razors that were supposed to look like a name brand. On the package is a red and white logo that said: similar to… As Seen On TV It was even crappier than the stuff that Is seen on TV I almost bought a pack just for that sticker! ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/56 "2004-08-13T22:55:52Z")
> [@Sami41](#): > > **Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper**. . .than what? Diet Sprite? Milk? A bloody mary? I used to wonder about that too. What I think they mean is that the product taste very much like the original Dr. Pepper (which I find true) , but that doesn’t come off right as a slogan. The one I hate is the one airing round these parts. I can’t even remember the name of the product but it’s for “natural male enhancemnet” which is where I stop taking it seriously. Anyway the ads features a guy named Bill walking around with a really dumbassed looking smile on his face. He intoduces it to a really depressed looking buddy who also adopts the really dumbassed looking smile. The commercial really creeps me out. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/57 "2004-08-13T23:53:07Z")
That commercial is for Enzyte, **Stuffy**. Those commercials are also noted for the odd expression on the face of Bill’s wife. Can’t tell if she’s horrified or really pleased by her husband’s “enhancement.” ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/58 "2004-08-14T03:20:36Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > That commercial is for Enzyte, **Stuffy**. Those commercials are also noted for the odd expression on the face of Bill’s wife. Can’t tell if she’s horrified or really pleased by her husband’s “enhancement.” Thanks. Yeah that look on her face, and the whole 70’s looking rooms are what weirded me out. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/59 "2004-08-14T03:24:00Z")
Howzabout including any fast food place that uses the word “fresh” in their advertising? Kentucky Fried Chicken is now Kitchen _Fresh_ Chicken! Subway: Eat _Fresh_! Arby’s Market_fresh_ sandwiches, wraps, salads, etc. You’re a restaurant, I sorta figure _fresh_ food is a given. When shopping at my local convienence store at four in the morning, well then I don’t expect fresh. Vending machines? Not going to find a whole lotta fresh there either. But a restaurant, even a quick-serve one? Yeah, it’s supposed to be prepared recently. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/60 "2004-08-14T05:27:49Z")
Fresh is a handy euphamism. It sounds like they’re saying their food is healthy, when in fact they aren’t making any claim that has to be backed up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=4)