# Dumbest or most patently false advertising slogans **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340 "2004-08-11T12:34:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/61 "2004-08-14T05:59:38Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > I heard a shampoo ad not long ago bragging that their product contained “nutrillium”. “Invert the phase modulation on the nutrillium array!” ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/62 "2004-08-14T07:06:10Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > I heard somewhere that 53% of all statistics are made up. 42% of people know that. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/63 "2004-08-14T11:15:52Z")
> [@teemingONE](#): > > 42% of people know that. 78.8% of people lie to pollsters. ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/64 "2004-08-14T12:46:28Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > I think it’s Listerine mouthwash (could be a different brand) says that it’s shown using the product daily is as good as flossing. So if you don’t floss, or don’t floss properly, this stuff will take care of you. > > At the bottom of the screen in small letters: “Floss daily” :rolleyes: Yeah, it is Listerine. And they claim that it was a clinical study that showed that Listerine is just as good as flossing. So … are they lying? Is there something they aren’t telling us? Or are they just covering themselves against the inevitable lawsuit by J. Random Guy who started using one drop of Listerine daily (“Well, that stuff _burns_ if I use more!”) and stopped flossing and his teeth all fell out? ---
**Author:** ![mike1dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@mike1dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mike1dog)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/65 "2004-08-14T13:03:54Z")
The local car dealer ads are what drive me crazy. There’s one around here who ends every one of his ads with “I wouldn’t lie to you.” If you have to tell me this, I wouldn’t trust you. I remember another that said “If I tell you a rooster dips snuff, then you’d better look under his wing!” Huh? ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/66 "2004-08-14T13:44:22Z")
[ol] [li]The gravity-defying Three Musketeers bar commercial makes me want to scream. Your candy bar doesn’t float in the air, you bastards. It doesn’t fly. Why say that it does when it just freakin’ doesn’t?[/li]. . . A flying candy bar would be cool though. [li]I have no idea what is actually in Sunny Delite, but it is obviously not orange juice or anything else reasonably healthy, or they’d actually say so.[/li][li]Yes, Bayer aspririn is no doubt the only _brand_ of aspirin clinically shown to reduce the risk of heart attack. That would be because hardly anyone uses _brand_-name aspirin because we all know that’s it’s the same as generic aspirin.[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/67 "2004-08-14T15:16:00Z")
The slogan that I remember being most annoyed with was the old: “It’s not just a job: It’s an adventure!” for the US Navy. We always asked each other: “Is this the job part or the adventure?” ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/68 "2004-08-14T16:19:55Z")
**Cortislim** _ **Are you tired of losing meaningless weight?** _ WTF does that mean? Isn’t weight loss weight loss? How can it be meaningless? Is Cortislim weight loss more important than normal weight loss? I really don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/69 "2004-08-15T02:10:57Z")
An old UK ad for pain medication: “_Nothing_ acts faster than Anadin” Oh well, I’ll keep my money then. :rolleyes: Another really irritating old one for some kinda disinfectant: “Kills all known germs - _dead_!” Is there any other way? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/70 "2004-08-17T02:07:40Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > I just thought of another one that has perplexed for years. > > _Zest_. They say it rinses cleaner than soap. Not that it rinses better than a competitor’s product. But that it rinses better than **soap**. > > I’ve never been able to figure out exactly what Zest is, but apparently it ain’t soap. 😕 Oh, Zest. A long time ago, when I was a little kid, they had this commercial: “For the first time in your life, _feel really clean!_” So I went to stay at my aunt’s house–I think I was about five at the time–and she had a brand-new bar of Zest by the tub. I thought, Oh boy! For the first time in my life I’m gonna feel really clean! What can I say, I was just a kid. It wasn’t quite as bad as finding out there was no Santa Claus. What were they thinking? They had this slogan for _years_ and most of the people buying Zest were not gullible 5-year-olds. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/71 "2004-08-17T03:51:14Z")
DUZ does it all No it DUZN’T! It’s a DETERGENT! Can it COOK!? Can it FLY!? Can it PREDICT THE FUTURE!? Can it RAISE THE DEAD!? _ **NO!!!** _ ;j ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/72 "2004-08-17T10:30:59Z")
> [@chorpler](#): > > Yeah, it is Listerine. And they claim that it was a clinical study that showed that Listerine is just as good as flossing. So … are they lying? [Yes and no.](http://www.scienceblog.com/community/article2902.html) > [@](#): > > In the study published in JADA, Listerine® Antiseptic reduced plaque between the teeth by 20 percent and gingivitis by 11 percent, while flossing led to 3.4 percent and 4.3 percent reductions respectively. This trial reinforces the findings of a prior study published in the American Journal of Dentistry (AJD). Both studies compared the effectiveness of 30-second, **twice daily** use of Listerine® Antiseptic to **once daily** flossing in more than 600 people ages 18-65 with mild to moderate gingivitis. These six-month randomized and evaluator-blinded studies were conducted in two independent research-testing facilities. (My emphasis.) An extra 8-12 hours unmolested goes a long way for plaque-building bacteria. Also note that all the participants already _had_ gingivitis – so it’s a bit of a no-brainer that antiseptic wash, twice daily, is going to help to reverse it better than flossing once a day would. Of course, they still have to say “keep flossing,” because healthy gums are a small consolation when your molars rot out of your head because they’ve got decomposing meat and corn jammed in between them most of the time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/73 "2004-08-17T11:17:39Z")
> [@ookpik2](#): > > Just saw this last weekend: > > A really cheap looking pach of razors that were supposed to look like a name brand. On the package is a red and white logo that said: > > similar to… > As Seen On TV! Bzzt! We have a winner! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/74 "2004-08-17T11:47:25Z")
> [@Cicada2003](#): > > Oh, Zest. A long time ago, when I was a little kid, they had this commercial: “For the first time in your life, _feel really clean!_” > > What were they thinking? They had this slogan for _years_ and most of the people buying Zest were not gullible 5-year-olds. My first encounter with Zest had me sniffing the bar like crazy, because the commercials had convinced me that the smell of Zest would really wake me up in the morning. They didn’t come right out and say that, of course, but the commercials always showed a man or woman holding the bar to their nose and inhaling deeply… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2004, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/75 "2004-08-17T14:42:08Z")
Ford truck commercials on the radio. Something like this: Changing a diaper… Your mother-in-law’s meatloaf… An IRS audit… Ford’s F-150… These tough things are blah blah blah. But are you thinking “tough things” when you think about changing a diaper or getting audited? Or are you thinking about _revolting, disgusting_ things that piss you off? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/76 "2004-08-18T00:36:56Z")
What about the Walgreen’s ads where they talk about a place called Perfect and somehow Walgreen’s is the closest you’ll ever get? If that’s true, kill me now. Because life is really shitty when the closest place to perfect is some corporate drugstore chain. Oh, and how about “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter?” Yes, I CAN!!! Even the name is false advertising! ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/77 "2004-08-18T01:36:08Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Get your teeth up to six shades whiter! :rolleyes: Maybe they’re comparing it to Ansel Adams’ zone system? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Cooper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@Agent\_Cooper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Cooper)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/78 "2004-08-18T02:46:23Z")
I vote for the Greenwashing of the oil companies recently. Their ads are good for laughs lately. Or try the PR page of their websites. ‘Wow, I never knew all that gas I buy was so good for the environment!’ ---
**Author:** ![Silocke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Silocke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silocke)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/79 "2004-08-18T21:28:04Z")
\<\<\<_Originally posted by Tigrkitty_: **Cortislim** _ **Are you tired of losing meaningless weight?** _ WTF does that mean? Isn’t weight loss weight loss? How can it be meaningless?\>\>\> Because it doesn’t have your ex-wife attached to it (BA DA BOOM!) ---
**Author:** ![Lillith\_Fair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lillith\_Fair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lillith_Fair)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340/80 "2004-08-19T03:14:41Z")
“Isn’t it amazing how facts bring the truth to life?” I just heard this on the local NBC station advertising the news. First he told a story about Jesse Owens and the Olympics. Doesn’t exactly fit the thread, but I thought it was funny. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dumbest-or-most-patently-false-advertising-slogans/259340.md?page=5)