# E-mailing a female CEO **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 8, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057 "2012-10-08T04:15:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![andrea\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@andrea\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrea_green)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/1 "2012-10-08T04:15:27Z")
So the other night by way of a series of unanticipated events I happened to meet the CEO (and her family) of a particularly large prestigious company. She kindly offered to let me e-mail her some questions about something and I wanted to ask for your advice on a couple things: - She was with her husband and kids when I met her and so I’m uncertain how to address the e-mail. Mrs is technically correct (is it not?) but seems horribly inappropriate. I think first name is out of the question as we only talked for a few minutes and she is twice my age. So my intuition says Ms. is the most appropriate but by virtue of her being married it is also not correct. The WSJ & Forbes both use Ms. - When writing/emailing someone who can be sure will have their assistant actually handling the e-mail, does one still pretend they are writing the addressee directly? many thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/2 "2012-10-08T04:25:46Z")
> [@andrea\_green](#): > > - She was with her husband and kids when I met her and so I’m uncertain how to address the e-mail. Mrs is technically correct (is it not?) but seems horribly inappropriate. I think first name is out of the question as we only talked for a few minutes and she is twice my age. So my intuition says Ms. is the most appropriate but by virtue of her being married it is also not correct. The WSJ & Forbes both use Ms. Unless she introduced herself as Mrs., always stick to Ms. > [@](#): > > - When writing/emailing someone who can be sure will have their assistant actually handling the e-mail, does one still pretend they are writing the addressee directly? Yes. The assistant is acting as her proxy, but your are still communicating with _her_. ---
**Author:** ![andrea\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@andrea\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrea_green)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/3 "2012-10-08T04:38:10Z")
Thanks **Blake**. I had a feeling you were right about the Ms., but would you care to expand upon the rationale? Or is it simply just the standard appropriate salutation for this situation? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/4 "2012-10-08T04:41:06Z")
Ms. is appropriate for women whether married or unmarried. Miss would not be appropriate, because she is married. Mrs. could be appropriate, but she could not like it. Ms. is the safest, most professional choice. [http://womeninbusiness.about.com/od/businessintroductionrules/a/whenusemissms.htm](http://womeninbusiness.about.com/od/businessintroductionrules/a/whenusemissms.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/5 "2012-10-08T04:53:46Z")
Yeah, what \*\*WhyNot \*\*said. Very few women, are going to be offended by Ms. I think it’s safe to say that not a single CEO is \*ever \*going to be offended by it. Moreover it’s always perfectly accurate. In contrast, some women will be offended by Mrs, even if married, because it implies subordination to their husband and defines them by their relationship status. Additionally, it’s very easy to be wrong when using Mrs. It’s entirely possible that she never refers to herself as Mrs, or never in a professional capacity. If you refer to her that way, it’s a bit of a fox paws. You may also have misunderstood her marital status. Maybe she referred to the man she was with as her partner, or the father of her kids, maybe she said she was married and you assumed the man she was with was her husband, when she is in fact married to a woman. I’m not sure if this is possible in this specific case, but we’ve all made mistakes like this in the past, and if you are trying to make a good impression it’s better to play it safe. All else aside, it’s just good manners to refer to someone in a neutral manner until you are given permission to do otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/6 "2012-10-08T06:51:38Z")
'course, I’ve come across old fashioned women who are _terribly_ proud of being Mrs. and take offence at new fangled terms like Ms. that do not recognise their important status as a Married Women. I haven’t come across that in a long time, and I don’t think that sort of person is likely to be a CEO. Go with Ms. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/7 "2012-10-08T07:05:52Z")
Call her Mrs. Husband’s Name. She’ll love that. [D&R] ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/8 "2012-10-08T07:31:37Z")
> [@andrea\_green](#): > > - She was with her husband and kids when I met her and so I’m uncertain how to address the e-mail. Mrs is technically correct (is it not?) but seems horribly inappropriate. I think first name is out of the question as we only talked for a few minutes and she is twice my age. So my intuition says Ms. is the most appropriate but by virtue of her being married it is also not correct. The WSJ & Forbes both use Ms. Do you consider Mrs. to be wildly inappropriate only because she is listed in WSJ & Forbes as Ms. or is there something else I’m missing? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/9 "2012-10-08T08:59:44Z")
I know a very successful businesswoman who bristles at _not_ being called Mrs So and So. Which us why I always have the salutation as “Dear Ma’am”. Cannot wrong there. I like the way one of my old bosses handled one annoyed harpy, “if I thought you were your husbands property, I would have mailed him not you”. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/10 "2012-10-08T09:08:07Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I know a very successful businesswoman who bristles at _not_ being called Mrs So and So. Which us why I always have the salutation as “Dear Ma’am”. Cannot wrong there. I would agree with this, if the OP hadn’t already met the CEO. I also remember being ticked off by a someone I was applying to for my first graduate job for using ‘Sir’ and not going to the effort of finding out their actual name. You can’t win with some. I have certainly met women, even young ones, who don’t like ‘Ms’, but as someone said up thread, a CEO is unlikely to be upset by a term specifically designed to avoid making assumptions about marital status. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/11 "2012-10-08T14:59:48Z")
> [@andrea\_green](#): > > Thanks **Blake**. I had a feeling you were right about the Ms., but would you care to expand upon the rationale? Or is it simply just the standard appropriate salutation for this situation? Ms. is the standard for professional use. “Miss” and “Mrs.” are for social use. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/12 "2012-10-08T15:15:27Z")
It is implicit in many of the replies, but to make it explicit: Ms. is not an abbreviation for Miss, so the OP is incorrect when saying that it would be improper to use it if the addressee is married. Ms. technically is an abbreviation of “Miz” a form that was invented sometime in the 1970’s to address exactly the issue of this thread. And also to address the gender disparity, as you don’t need to know a man’s marital status to know to call him Mr. X in a formal context. I say “technically” an abbreviation, because I have never actually seen “Miz” used in the wild unless someone was using it in an exagerated and somewhat derogatory way. No cite, but in my mind I can hear Rush Limbaugh using it in that way. The abbreviated form is common and doesn’t carry the “I’m doing this because I think you are a Feminazi” connotation of the spelled out version. ---
**Author:** ![abel29a](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@abel29a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abel29a)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/13 "2012-10-08T15:20:51Z")
[OT] Oh, when are you english speaking types going to join us liberal-commie Northern Europeans and do away with all these nonsensy Mr. and Ms. and Sir and Madam. We’ve got names, spesifically for adressing us, no need for useless extra letters 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/14 "2012-10-08T15:55:00Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > Ms. is not an abbreviation for Miss, so the OP is incorrect when saying that it would be improper to use it if the addressee is married. Ms. technically is an abbreviation of “Miz” a form that was invented sometime in the 1970’s to address exactly the issue of this thread. And also to address the gender disparity, as you don’t need to know a man’s marital status to know to call him Mr. X in a formal context. [Ms. goes back to the 17th century as the shortened form of the formal title/address “Mistress”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ms.) (not in any vulgar sense) and was re-popularized in the early 1900s and again in the 1970s. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/15 "2012-10-08T16:28:26Z")
I’ve never known anyone that didn’t read their own email. Part of my job requires emailing the Chancellor of my university. I also email mid level officials in state government. They all read and respond to their email. I am more formal when emailing the big bosses. But, thats also true when we speak on the phone. > [@](#): > > - When writing/emailing someone who can be sure will have their assistant actually handling the e-mail, does one still pretend they are writing the addressee directly? > > many thanks! > Reply With Quote ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/16 "2012-10-08T16:47:56Z")
I’ve worked with executives who routinely managed mail through their assistant. The assistant would do basic prioritization, make any obvious meetings, ensure that everything eventually gets followed up, highlights relevant parts of long threads, prints out attachments before meetings, etc. In general, you address the email to whoever’s email address you are using. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/17 "2012-10-08T16:56:30Z")
Avoid the whole controversy over Ms/Mrs/Miss. Just address the email to “Honey”. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/18 "2012-10-08T18:21:10Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Avoid the whole controversy over Ms/Mrs/Miss. Just address the email to “Honey”. That’s a boo boo. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/19 "2012-10-08T18:23:22Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > That’s a boo boo. Heh heh heh he said boob. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057/20 "2012-10-08T20:07:03Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I know a very successful businesswoman who bristles at _not_ being called Mrs So and So. Which us why I always have the salutation as “Dear Ma’am”. Cannot wrong there. I recall an episode of _The West Wing_ where CJ had just become the Chief of Staff, and got annoyed at being addressed as “Ma’am”. Which seemed really stupid to me, as is the only term I can think of that is the equivalent of “Sir”, the proper form of address for the White House Chief of Staff. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-mailing-a-female-ceo/637057.md?page=2)