# E.T. The heartwarming story of how Elliot set human civilization back thousands of years **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 3, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904 "2012-06-03T00:16:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/41 "2012-06-04T01:45:36Z")
I can also imagine the ET ship as an extraterrestrial Firefly. Oh okay we’ll go back for you, the whore on board insists. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/42 "2012-06-04T03:10:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **Johnny Q** : > > Contracted from his dirty “telephone”? Nah, can’t be. We Earthlings are really good at sanitizing telephones. Personally, I’ve thought for a while that ET is a Christ metaphor. He comes from the heavens, with peaceful intent and amazing powers, but the evil government is after him right from his birth. He bonds with humanity (represented by Eliot), performs some miracles, dies to save us, then comes back to life and goes back up into Heaven. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/43 "2012-06-04T06:09:56Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Nah, can’t be. We Earthlings are really good at sanitizing telephones. > > Personally, I’ve thought for a while that ET is a Christ metaphor. He comes from the heavens, with peaceful intent and amazing powers, but the evil government is after him right from his birth. He bonds with humanity (represented by Eliot), performs some miracles, dies to save us, then comes back to life and goes back up into Heaven. Not only that, he dies at 3:30 in the afternoon… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/44 "2012-06-04T06:41:02Z")
> [@AtomicDog](#): > > Why is there the assumption that a hypothetical government first contact team would not be aware of the genre in science fiction, and know how to treat an alien visitor with respect? IRL, the Air Force probably has a team in charge of handling a First Contact if and when, and they probably **do** read SF, but they **also** probably have very clear orders and indoctrination to treat any ET presence as hostile until proven friendly. Isn’t that the only sensible way to prepare, after all? ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/45 "2012-06-04T11:43:17Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > So, do you want the nice package, or the big gun? What can we get for TWO glasses of water? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/46 "2012-06-04T12:05:38Z")
I’m pretty certain there is no ‘set back’ thousands of years. No one is going back to building Pyramids or living in mud huts because ET got away. Although as **DSeid** suggested, the survivors might have ended up doing as much if his people got wind that we dissected one of theirs. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/47 "2012-06-04T14:46:56Z")
Any knowledge we gained from E.T. would have just enabled us to build bigger and bigger walkie-talkies, until someday we build a walkie-talkie so big it will destroy us all! (Yeah, I know he finally [realized he made a mistake](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/31/et-change-spielberg-video-guns_n_1559613.html) and is putting the guns back in…) ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/48 "2012-06-04T14:53:25Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > IRL, the Air Force probably has a team in charge of handling a First Contact if and when, and they probably **do** read SF, but they **also** probably have very clear orders and indoctrination to treat any ET presence as hostile until proven friendly. Isn’t that the only sensible way to prepare, after all? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/49 "2012-06-04T15:23:57Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > But the humans chose a _French_ guy. They must have been preparing for an immediate surrender. Or, you know, maybe conquering nearly all of Europe multiple times (and England once), and being the dominant cultural force on the continent for at least three times as long as the United States has existed… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/50 "2012-06-04T15:25:10Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > And thats when ET got sucked into a really bad SVU plot. Poor little bastard. Well, it _did_ end up closing an number of anal probing cases. ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/51 "2012-06-04T15:28:07Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > IRL, the Air Force probably has a team in charge of handling a First Contact if and when, and they probably **do** read SF, but they **also** probably have very clear orders and indoctrination to treat any ET presence as hostile until proven friendly. Isn’t that the only sensible way to prepare, after all? Sensible is to cover our ass in case they’re hostile, but act friendly in case they’re not. When you’re dealing with someone who can spend our annual planetary production of energy on “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” “Let’s go for a ride to Earth!” there’s no sense _inviting_ war. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/52 "2012-06-04T15:30:57Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > Well, it _did_ end up closing an number of anal probing cases. Yeah, but not before they uploaded videos of their heinous acts to the intergalactic quantumnet, sick bastards. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/53 "2012-06-04T15:39:13Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Well, in _Close Encounters,_ it was a linguist and an organist. Was he a cunning linguist? ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/54 "2012-06-04T15:59:31Z")
No, I agree. How differently would history have gone if after the initial boats came ashore, a well armed contingent of soldiers appeared, giving some parity to the situation, at least a little bit? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/55 "2012-06-04T16:22:38Z")
Any civilization that can reach us can, if they so choose, effortlessly wipe us out. We cannot, by any stretch of technology anywhere on the horizon, defend ourselves against a full-on alien attack. So we should be putting an extremely high priority on making sure they don’t _want_ to full-on attack us. Admittedly there’s some excluded middle here: They might have unfriendly intentions short of all-out attack. If their goal is slaves, for instance, such that they need us alive, it’s conceivable that we just might be able to put up some resistance, though they could still just do something like kill a million people a day until we surrender. And in the real world, as I understand it, there _is_ actually an official (though loosely-organized) first contact team. It’s mostly NASA, but with the DoD and academia also having a presence (and heck, NASA is itself mostly a consortium of academia, industry, and other government agencies). ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/56 "2012-06-04T18:10:48Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Oh, I agree. They should at least have been carrying communicators while on an away mission. I would think that’d be standard landing party procedure. I can’t remember the title, but there was a H.P. Lovecraft story that completely killed my suspension of disbelief for exactly this reason. Lovecraft imagined a rocketship expedition to Venus, but failed to imagine the astronauts/scientists carrying any kind of walkie-talkie/radio/communicator. So the main character gets lost and has no way to call for help. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/57 "2012-06-04T21:48:44Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Or, you know, maybe conquering nearly all of Europe multiple times (and England once), and being the dominant cultural force on the continent for at least three times as long as the United States has existed… :rolleyes: I’m all for giving the French their due military credit - especially when the comments come from people who act as if fighting and winning wars proves something, or Americans who forget they owe their independence to France - but technically France has never conquered England. Oh and maybe I should watch ET again so I have a better understanding of the rest of this thread… ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/58 "2012-06-04T21:50:37Z")
Watching E.T. wouldn’t make **Quercus’s** post any less annoying and pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/59 "2012-06-04T22:16:38Z")
There is a David Brin book that starts off a lot like E.T., but amonst teenagers instead of kids- you can imagine how that went. Of course the plot diverges widely after that… Sky Horizon By David Brin > **[Sky Horizon (Colony High): David Brin, Scott Hampton: 9781596061095: Amazon.com:...](https://www.amazon.com/Horizon-Colony-High-David-Brin/dp/159606109X)** > > Sky Horizon (Colony High) \[David Brin, Scott Hampton\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. Sky Horizon (Colony High) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904/60 "2012-06-04T22:23:12Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Or, you know, maybe conquering nearly all of Europe multiple times (and England once), and being the dominant cultural force on the continent for at least three times as long as the United States has existed… :rolleyes: But why did they need multiple times? Usually once is enough. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/e-t-the-heartwarming-story-of-how-elliot-set-human-civilization-back-thousands-of-years/623904.md?page=4)