# "Each person’s life is dominated by a central event, which shapes and distorts everything \[after\]" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 30, 2018, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805 "2018-01-30T14:53:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/21 "2018-01-30T20:53:14Z")
If I had to say, it would be my baptism since the other big moments I’ve had were as part of being Catholic. But that involves being baptized and raised by devout parents and being inspired to remain faithful, etc. A continuum extending from the original event? ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/22 "2018-01-30T22:10:36Z")
[Absolutely 100% true for me](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14876933&postcount=21) (close encounter with a peregrine falcon-right after I walked outside for the first time in hopes of seeing just such a sight). Then I basically duplicate it 19 years later at my families’ other home (this time involving a merlin falcon). If this event (and its twin) doesn’t happen, my entire life, fate, and psyche are completely different than they are. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/23 "2018-01-30T22:11:37Z")
Not even close to being true for me. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/24 "2018-01-30T22:26:30Z")
I voted “Yes”, although I would quibble about the choice of the word “dominated”. I can point to an event and draw a straight line back to it, from my current life. The event certainly shaped and distorted everything after. But I would more likely say the event was significant, rather than that it dominated in any way. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/25 "2018-01-30T22:32:24Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Even though my life continues to be dominated by such a central event, nearly a half a century after the fact, I’ve never gotten the sense that this is the norm for people. There are tendencies in people to overestimate either the universality or the uniqueness of their personal experiences, and my WAG is that Mehta was guilty of the former. I’m inclined to agree with your sense and your WAG. I’m pretty sure it’s not true for me, but I can believe that there are _some_ people for whom it is basically true. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/26 "2018-01-30T22:46:54Z")
I’m not sure what event means. Is it something that happened to you, or something you were responsible for? Asking my wife to marry me, which was not an obvious thing to do or something which I was sure was going to result in a yes, is one of the things that was significant. Running into a computer in high school (1968, long before PCs) was another. Neither of these things is like the death of a loved one or a crash or a war or bombing which happens to you. So I answered confused. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/27 "2018-01-30T23:25:21Z")
My _career_ was dominated by a single, central event, which obviously affected my life. But my life was shaped by a lot more than just my choice of careers. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/28 "2018-01-31T00:23:06Z")
Gosh, I hope not. If that’s true it’d make everything else you’ve ever experienced besides the point, and that’s pretty damn depressing. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/29 "2018-01-31T01:16:01Z")
I voted sorta. There was certainly a piece of unanticipated good fortune that shaped my entire future career and life. This led to a second turning point that would have been impossible without the first. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been had the first event–the one that enabled me to go to college–not happened. It is unimaginable. ---
**Author:** ![SeniorCitizen007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8baadc/32.png) [@SeniorCitizen007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeniorCitizen007)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/30 "2018-01-31T02:57:53Z")
70 years ago yesterday I was at my primary school morning assembly when the headmistress appeared (normally she wasn’t present). She told the school that she had something important to tell us. A boy had stood in the middle of the road “playing policeman”, forcing a car to brake sharply and run onto the pavement. That boy was … and she told the school MY full name (the first time I’d heard my full name spoken). I was told to go to her room after the assembly finished. In her room she engaged in VERY BIZARRE behaviour towards me (not involving physical contact) that could be labelled as “Demonic” … deliberate, calculated, very weird behaviour intended to terrorise me. (It didn’t work … I wasn’t religious). During this “ritual” she entered into, what I later as an adult realised was a state of extreme sexual arousal. The event she told the school about never happened. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/31 "2018-01-31T14:33:57Z")
I’d say no. There was a big event that upended my life, but I was 29 and already on the path I wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/32 "2018-01-31T14:57:29Z")
Nah. It’s kinda like a horoscope; it sounds right on first reading but you could say something radically different and it would still sound right. “Every life is dominated by one big event” “Every life is dominated by three big events” “Life is about finding that one big change” “Every year there is one dominating event in a persons life” All these things would make many people nod along. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Quatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mr\_Quatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Quatro)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/33 "2018-01-31T15:03:18Z")
> [@SeniorCitizen007](#): > > 70 years ago yesterday I was at my primary school morning assembly when the headmistress appeared (normally she wasn’t present). She told the school that she had something important to tell us. A boy had stood in the middle of the road “playing policeman”, forcing a car to brake sharply and run onto the pavement. That boy was … and she told the school MY full name (the first time I’d heard my full name spoken). I was told to go to her room after the assembly finished. In her room she engaged in VERY BIZARRE behaviour towards me (not involving physical contact) that could be labelled as “Demonic” … deliberate, calculated, very weird behaviour intended to terrorise me. (It didn’t work … I wasn’t religious). During this “ritual” she entered into, what I later as an adult realised was a state of extreme sexual arousal. The event she told the school about never happened. How old were you this must have been WWII era? So in effect the headmistress told a lie that day changed your life forever. How embarrassing :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mangosteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mangosteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangosteen)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/34 "2018-02-01T00:30:19Z")
After college, bought a one way ticket ( with some stopovers ) to Bangkok, Thailand. Took me seven years to finally get back home to California. Life was never the same. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/35 "2018-02-01T01:07:25Z")
I guess so. I chose a college based on the scholarship offer rather then then school i was most interested in. I met my wife in college and picked a major that wasn’t available at the other school that has effected my life since. On the otherhand the career I’m follong now would have led more naturally from the major i would have chosen at the school i didnt go to but i wouldn’t have met my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/36 "2018-02-01T07:54:19Z")
Certainly for me there are a couple of defining events, one extended and one sudden and sharp. Going to university was a world changing experience, which culminated first with spending six months on the first study abroad program from Oregon to the People’s Republic of China, and a year later with going to Japan on the first Japan Exchange and Teaching Program. Both of those experiences had a huge influence on the person I became. I met my first wife in China (a fellow Oregonian) and had my son with her. Then on December 11th, 2010 my 17 year old son suffered a massive stroke right in front of my eyes one Saturday morning. That was a massive life changing experience, in ways that are still evolving. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/37 "2018-02-01T07:58:29Z")
I’d say there is a huge percentage of people for whom this quote is not true. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/38 "2018-02-01T14:25:33Z")
This statement makes the misleading presupposition that a person’s life otherwise has an underlying “normal” course which isn’t followed. But, of course, there is no such thing, _ **for anybody** _. Every life is by necessity a series of events that progress, and that have, by definition and by nature, a progressive relationship to one another. So **naita** is on track by saying: > [@naita](#): > > . . . it’s either true, but **trivial**. . . The statement is kind of fatuous–trivial–because it is like saying: > [@Self-important Statement](#): > > Every day has a moment–a certain time–in which all previous moments were earlier, and all subsequent moments were later. Or, maybe another way to show how fatuous this statement is would be to change _person_ to _dog_. > [@Self-important Statement](#): > > Each dog’s life is dominated by a central event, which shapes and distorts everything that comes after it and, in retrospect, everything that came before. If the statement in the OP were actually meaningful, it should apply to a dog as much to a human, but I think the substitution, when you think it over, belies that. However, the OP’s statement is seductive, of course, because it is a classic example of _narration_ (and _ **re** -narration_), that we all love to do about ourselves, our lives, and the lives of others. We constantly narrate our pasts, in order to imbue them with some kind of teleological meaning–to suit whatever psychic agenda is spinning in our heads at the moment–and we regularly RE-narrate them with adjustments, as these agendas shift. As **minor7flat5** aptly observes, > [@minor7flat5](#): > > The statement _sounds_ like a quote from a book, the kind of stuff authors put in the opening paragraphs. Exactly. This is just another opening to a book, fatuously disguised as a universal profundity. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/39 "2018-02-01T14:58:10Z")
Sounds like it could be pretty common, but not universal. I can’t really think of a singular dominating event in my own life - there have been a number of different moments of great change, but not all at once, and there may be more still to come. Even without the big shifts, I am aware of a continuum of gradual change - some of it within my own deliberate control; some of it is the accidental results of my own actions, and some of it is just outside of me, happening _to_ me. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805/40 "2018-02-01T15:25:21Z")
Since nobody here seems to have read the book it came from, I decided to look it up. The book is [Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Found](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002SXIEWI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1), available on Amazon, and the quote appears in the excerpt that’s available when you click “Look inside.” > [@](#): > > Each person’s life is dominated by a central event, which shapes and distorts everything that came after it and, in retrospect, everything that came before. For me, it was going to live in America at the age of fourteen. … I traveled, in twenty-four hours, between childhood and adulthood, between innocence and knowledge, between predestination and chaos. Everything that has happened since, every minute and monstrous act—the way I use a fork, the way I make love, my choice of a profession and a wife—has been shaped by that central event, that fulcrum of time. There’s nothing there to make me change my opinion: No, not everybody has an event life that. It reminds me of how some coming-of-age stories depict a single event that marks the transition from childhood to adulthood (which may in fact be what Mehta is talking about), and of how some born-again Christians have a dramatic conversion experience they can testify to that marks the transition from Not Saved to Saved. In neither case are such experiences as universal as some people seem to think. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/each-person-s-life-is-dominated-by-a-central-event-which-shapes-and-distorts-everything-after/807805.md?page=3)