Early Christmas presents

It’s a good thing I went ahead and had Himself’s present ready, as detailed in this thread, because yesterday he had to give me mine! He kept dropping these crazy cryptic hints - could he borrow my dad’s truck to get it, and he was scared I wouldn’t like it but thinks he could sell it again for more, whatever I got him wasn’t going to be as cool as what he got me, etc… So yesterday he went and got it, and we met for lunch halfway there (he had to drive way out in the country - bought it from some little old country lady), and he made me promise not to look out of any windows until he could go out there with me and show it to me. My guesses were: grandfather clock, or reef aquarium. Possibly, but not likely, sailboat.

He got me a moped! I have never in my life even suggested that I wanted a moped. I might have made a comment watching Scrubs that a little scooter would be cute and fun. How did he figure on a moped? I think I love it! It’s only two miles to work, and on nice days that’s like NO gas. Not to mention that the little short trips are the hardest on your car, so I’ll be extending the life of my car. I don’t see myself driving it much when it gets cold, but I HATE that I’m not confident enough on it to drive it to work today - it’s gonna be 80!

So of course now that he got it for me he lives in deathly terror that I’m going to kill myself on it. (I gave him cigars, he gave me a scooter - it’s like the Gift of the Magi, only with more death.) He keeps bursting out with more advice in the middle of a completely different conversation. “So we haven’t been to that Indian place in a while…” “You need to be really alert and watch for manhole covers. Your dad is going to kill me.” It’s cute.

It is bright yellow, so they can see me coming. It is not a Vespa. It is something Chinese with a fake Italian name that sounds like “Vagina”, so that’s what we call it. Sometimes we call it the “Vaginasaurus”. The only thing that worries me is that I haven’t seen a manual like this in years - it’s the kind of broken English that I remember fondly but have grown unaccustomed to. “Please certain to license self with ministry of communications.”

He taught me how to ride it yesterday - I’d never ridden anything two-wheeled with an engine, and I’m not even very good at riding a bike with handbrakes, so it took a bit of practice. He was just getting more and more nervous, I think - “I thought it’d be totally safe, because you’re so careful and cautious, but now that I see how somebody careful and cautious learns how to ride one of these things I think I’m going to throw up.” He was going to get me a little motorcycle but he was afraid I’d be scared to ride it, and now he feels like he was right. :slight_smile: I’ve gotten a lot better, though - I feel I could have driven to work today if I’d had a little practice in traffic. My upper back is killing me, though, from the tension yesterday - never driven anything you have to run by turning the handle, it’s really something to adjust to. But I got to where I could do the figure eights he laid out for me without spooking at the pile of leaves ten feet away, so I think he was pleased.

And what the hell is this with a battery that has some assembly required? You have to put the electricity in it? Isn’t that what you buy when you buy a battery? (And why was the first one we got missing stuff… like the acid? And the second one? We thought just a nut was missing, but when we started opening boxes we had to go four down to find one with all the parts. Can you make meth out of battery acid or something?)

I’m building a garage and it’s going to be full before I’m finished building it - since I’ve started he got a motorcycle with a sidecar and now I have this scooter, plus he has his car and I have my driving car and a classic car. We may be in trouble here, vehicularly speaking.

So, have you gotten any unavoidably early Christmas presents, now or in the past? Cool ones? Lame ones? Ones where the battery comes some assembly required?

My mother once bought a record for my dad, and realized that the performer on the record was right there in the store with her–and so got it signed.

She was unable to resist telling Dad not to buy the record to give to her, and why.

I’ve given several people little red and green bracelets with jingle bells which I made. I’ve given them early, because that way the people can wear the bracelets throughout the Christmas season.

My mom also gave her grandchildren leggings with candy canes on them. Sis-in-law thinks they’ll be worn out by Christmas, because they seem to spend all their time either on the girls or in the washer.

I gave a friend his iTunes gift card early so he could pick out what songs he wanted to listen to on his month-long trip to India, which he leaves for two days after Christmas.