# Earmarks Of A Video That Should Not Be Rented **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 6, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618 "2003-07-06T20:35:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![refusal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ac91a4/32.png) [@refusal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/refusal)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/41 "2003-07-07T12:23:51Z")
If you see anything advertised as “From the makers of The Matrix” or any other “From the maker(s) of…”, it’s definitely worth checking the box to see if they mean “Some guy who worked on The Matrix is listed as the executive producer because he’s having sex with the co-star”. “Like nothing you’ve ever seen before” is another classic tag line, which means “Even we don’t know what the hell this movie’s about. We have no clue how to market it, and no idea who’d want to watch it. But you never know, it might be worth seeing.” Also any comedy featuring a picture of a white-haired man who looks a bit like Leslie Nielson but isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![refusal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ac91a4/32.png) [@refusal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/refusal)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/42 "2003-07-07T12:26:43Z")
Any video that you’ve never heard of before which you see prominently displayed in a supermarket is also highly unlikely to be good. Especially if it’s from Buena Vista (From the makers of “Timon and Pumbaa go to Liechtenstein”!). ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/43 "2003-07-07T12:37:27Z")
The presence of the word “rollicking” is seldom a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/44 "2003-07-07T12:52:46Z")
> [@](#): > > “Thrilling…breathtaking…spirit-stirring…” > [sub]_– Roget’s Thesaurus_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/45 "2003-07-07T13:24:06Z")
I’ll definitely second the warning to avoid movies that are advertised as being “from the people who brought you…”, especially when it’s referring to the **producer** or **executive producer** of the movie referred to. Look, folks – producers and executive producers have an important role in Hollywood. They secure funding, make sure the film gets made under budget, and make sure the film gets properly marketed. They don’t, however, **actually make the film!** Yes, if the “person who brought you…” or “creative team behind…” is actually the **director** or **writer** of the film, the new film _might_ actually be as good as the film that is being referenced. If it’s merely the producer or executive producer, however, the new film is a guaranteed stinker. Remember – you have been warned. Barry ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/46 "2003-07-07T13:29:44Z")
If the image of one or more of the stars on the cover art is clearly lifted from other, better known movies. Especially if it’s a cut and paste job of many name actors from other films. The best example I can think of are these DVD releases of old spaghetti westerns and b-movies starring Lee Van Cleef that use the image of him from the art for _The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly_. Concerning Jackie Chan and _The Prisoner_. Yeah it really was more of a Sammo Hung starring feature, and the whole thing rips off _Cool Hand Luke, The Great Escape_ and even _The Wild Geese_ but I still kind of liked it. Jackie only appeared in it as a favor to producer Jimmy Wang Yu, according to the commentary for _Master Of The Flying Guilotine_. Jimmy gave Jackie some of his earliest big breaks in HK films, including _The Killer Meteors_, an Jackie still returns the favor by sometimes appearing in some of Jimmy’s films, even some of the not so good ones. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/47 "2003-07-07T22:46:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SolGrundy \* > \*\*You mean like: > “Astonishing… truly an epic… I was blown away!” > > as edited from: > “It’s astonishing that _anyone_ in Hollywood saw fit to produce this crap. It was truly an epic waste of time for everyone involved. When I thought about all of the constructive things I could’ve been watching instead of watching this great big turd of a movie, I was blown away!” \*\* Ah, the Maureen Dowd School of Film Criticism. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/48 "2003-07-07T23:06:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 2trew \* > \*\* something like “Starring Tom Savini”, or “Written by Keanu Reeves” should also serve as a red flag. \*\* I want to confess that I would hurry to see a movie ‘written by Keanu Reeves’ the minute it came out, just out of naked curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/49 "2003-07-07T23:13:10Z")
Watch out for movies that are full of stars you instantly recognize, yet you’ve never heard of the movie. These days, if the studio isn’t committed enough to publicize the movie, it’s probably a straight-to-DVD stinker. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/50 "2003-07-07T23:18:50Z")
Check out this turkey [http://us.imdb.com/Title?0083731](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0083731) and then guess whose picture was on the box at BlockBuster just a couple of years ago. ---
**Author:** ![LSD-25](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d78d45/32.png) [@LSD-25](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSD-25)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/51 "2003-07-07T23:46:01Z")
Avoid any video cover that proclaims **“Great Movie X” meets "Great Movie Y"** As in… “Pulp Fiction meets Monty Python” (You’re Dead) “Carrie meets Friday the 13th” (Breakaway Camp) “Silence Of The Lambs meets Spinal Tap” (Final Rinse) “Enemy of the State meets Exit Wounds” (Hidden Agenda - Dolph Lundgren classic) “Spinal Tap meets Star Trek” (Starwatchers) Spinal Tap should be paid royalties for the number of times their name has been used to promote crap comedies. This rule also applies to directors - just replace\*\* “Great Movie X”\*\* with **“Great Director Z”** and voila! You have a ready made video-turkey cover. Scorsese and Tarantino are two of the most over-used examples. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/52 "2003-07-07T23:56:22Z")
[The Filmmaker’s Exam](http://www.rinkworks.com/filmmaker/). A must-have checklist for the video store. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/53 "2003-07-08T02:08:42Z")
Or the dread “If you’ll like \, you’ll love \!”… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/54 "2003-07-08T02:27:06Z")
Any direct-to-video sequel with a number higher than 2. ANY movie that emphasizes the soundtrack. This means they spent most of the budget to get a few worn out songs. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/55 "2003-07-08T08:23:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zeldar \* > \*\*Check out this turkey [http://us.imdb.com/Title?0083731](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0083731) and then guess whose picture was on the box at BlockBuster just a couple of years ago. \*\* The user comments are particularly entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/56 "2003-07-08T17:17:39Z")
Oh…and any movie with the word “Hard” in the tittle should be avoided. **Hard Weapon, Hard Heat, Hard Action, Hard Hard**. You get the picture. And if you see a live action movie next to it’s anime counterpart, and recognize the anime to be of the “Tentacle Rape” variety…leave it alone, you sick, sick bastard! ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/57 "2003-07-08T17:48:01Z")
Actually, I _always_ wanted to see the live action version of La Blue Girl. Just to see what they do on the low budgets. I’m guessing it looks something like Power Rangers. Might be horrible enough to be MST3Kworthy. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/58 "2003-07-08T18:04:37Z")
If the back of the box description used the phrase “In the tradition of \” “In the tradition of _Rambo_…” (we present this crappy actioner with a guy who is called a Green Beret by the scriptwriter) “In the tradition of \* The Road Warrior\*…” (we present this crummy Italian post-apocalyptic drek) “In the tradition of _Excaliber_…” ( we present this limply directed story of a bunch of guys in plate mail.) NBC was using this for their bumper segements for their lousy TV movies, actually said it outloud, usually done right as a sequel was coming out. ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/59 "2003-07-08T18:05:43Z")
Well, this only applies to DVDs - but RUN LIKE CRAZY if the part they hype most on the case is the “features.” I put that in quotation marks because often these “features” are dubious. I would be afraid if the list of “features” is only 3 or 4 items, such as: - Scene selection feature! [sub](NOTE: ANY DVD should have this. This is like touting a VHS tape as having "Fast forward capability!)[/sub] - Audio commentary! [sub](By the best boy grip and the 2nd assistant caterer)[/sub] - Trailers! [sub](Yeah, but they’re not the trailers for _this_ movie, they’re all for straight-to-video turkeys you’ve never heard of before.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/60 "2003-07-08T18:07:14Z")
Although there have been some notable exceptions, a good rule of thumb is to avoid any movies that star somebody who is famous for something _other_ than being an actor (athlete, singer, model, etc.) Barry [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618.md?page=4)