# Earmarks Of A Video That Should Not Be Rented **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 6, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618 "2003-07-06T20:35:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/61 "2003-07-08T18:44:16Z")
With few exceptions (“A Hard Day’s Night”, “Yellow Submarine”), any movie which gets its title from a popular song. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/62 "2003-07-08T19:08:36Z")
Well, in the case of A Hard Day’s Night, the title was born before the song was…just saying is all… ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/63 "2003-07-08T19:46:12Z")
\*\*“Feel-good movie of the year!” \*\* = Excruciatingly saccharine. **"This movie will make you stand up and cheer!"** More like bend over and puke. I remember seeing this on one of the Buford Pusser Walking Tall movies. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/64 "2003-07-08T19:53:22Z")
“Pauly Shore At His Best” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/65 "2003-07-08T20:01:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by El Elvis Rojo \* > \*\*Oh…and any movie with the word “Hard” in the tittle should be avoided. **Hard Weapon, Hard Heat, Hard Action, Hard Hard**. You get the picture. > > \*\* There’s at least one exception to the Hard rule: **Hard Times** is a decent Coburn/Bronson thing about bare-knuckle fighting in Depression Era New Orleans that you can at least sit through. No Oscar nominations, true. But not a real stinker either. I’ve seen it several times and it’s not all that terrible. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/66 "2003-07-08T20:50:23Z")
The Live Action anime tentacle flick I saw was quite funny in a goofy/stupid way. ---
**Author:** ![Einmon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Einmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Einmon)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/67 "2003-07-08T21:36:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Waenara \* > \*\*Well, this only applies to DVDs - but RUN LIKE CRAZY if the part they hype most on the case is the “features.” I put that in quotation marks because often these “features” are dubious. > \*\* Another feature I particularly like is the “animated menu”. Most people would rather have their toenails pulled off before sitting through the umpteenth time of menu items flying in decoratively. Not only “out of context blurbs” are dangerous but also “ambiguous blurbs”: “A movie unlike any other.” _(Thank God.)_ “Never have you seen Keanu Reeves like this.” _(And you never wanted to.)_ “I laughed! I cried!” _(Cried when I thought it would never end and laughed when did.)_ ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/68 "2003-07-08T21:47:08Z")
Pretty much any movie that headlines starring a musician is usually not a good sign. This is especially true if it is a rapper, Madonna or Mariah Carrey. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/69 "2003-07-08T23:29:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by godzillatemple \* > **I’ll definitely second the warning to avoid movies that are advertised as being “from the people who brought you…”, especially when it’s referring to the producer or executive producer of the movie referred to. Look, folks – producers and executive producers have an important role in Hollywood. They secure funding, make sure the film gets made under budget, and make sure the film gets properly marketed. They don’t, however, actually make the film!** I’m going to politely contradict you here. Depending on the production, there’s a fifty-fifty chance that either the director or the producer has the most influence on the final film. (Well, more like 45/45, leaving room for the rare high-powered writer, and the occasional low-budget movie-star vanity flick.) The best example is Jerry Bruckheimer. He closely supervises all aspects of his movies, and they tend to look and feel very similar. For this reason, he frequently hires directors with a TV commercial and/or music video background; they know how to shoot film, but they don’t have a lot of feature credits, which makes it easier to control them. (His regular collaboration with Michael Bay is an exception.) Look also at the film _Battlefield Earth._ Director Roger Christian was a hired monkey. The big kahuna on that project was John Travolta, who, more importantly than starring, was the producer. He supervised the adaptation of the script and the hiring of the creative staff. The important thing to remember is, there’s no hard-and-fast rule about which role has the most influence. It varies from movie to movie. In my rather well-considered opinion, the producer and director usually swap the top spot, with the writer, cinematographer, and editor — yes, the editor — rotating through positions three through five. Actors come after that, generally. It’s possible for this to change, though; Harrison Ford is noteworthy for participating closely with script revisions, production design, and other behind-the-scenes elements, so he’s an anomalously higher-placed influence. It’s also possible for an active executive producer to take a hand in a film; look at Harvey Weinstein, for example, who likes to ride the editor. [See my article here for a lengthy description of what a movie producer actually does](http://moviegeek.homestead.com/files/featprod1.htm). So while the sentiment is well-intentioned — “from the makers of” is too vague to be trustworthy — the actual statement about the lack of a producer’s contribution is inaccurate. As far as my response to the OP, I try not to pre-judge movies. I see pretty much everything, or at least almost everything that matters. I’m never going to see _Dumb and Dumberer_, for example. I try to keep an open mind, because I can be surprised. Even so, if I look at the credits and I see “written by Akiva Goldsman, directed by Simon West,” I know I’ve got a rough ride ahead. ---
**Author:** ![Fnoonf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f6c823/32.png) [@Fnoonf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fnoonf)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/70 "2003-07-09T00:07:35Z")
**Fibber McGee** and others already kinda covered this one, but my example is just different enough to merit its own mention: When there’s gushing praise on the cover in quotation marks, but the quote isn’t credited to anybody and is, in fact, carefully generic: “A great thriller!” “Superb martial arts action!” Also, if you see any film starring Jan-Michael Vincent on public display for rental, take a moment to gratefully reflect on the fact that you are not Jan-Michael Vincent. Great thread. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/71 "2003-07-09T00:15:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Einmon \* > \*\*Another feature I particularly like is the “animated menu”. Most people would rather have their toenails pulled off before sitting through the umpteenth time of menu items flying in decoratively. > \*\* Exception: This Is Spinal Tap. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/72 "2003-07-09T00:25:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Murcielago \* > \*\*I’ve seen a few boxes which play up the fact that the movie is “Unrated!!!” That means straight-to-video, not “too hot for the theaters.” \*\* Unless you’re talking about the “unrated” version of _Sex and Lucia_ of course… _ahem_ Yeah. Good movie. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/73 "2003-07-09T00:34:59Z")
Well if it’s got earmarks on it, I’d say definitely do not rent it, because it’s obvious the previous renters were confused about the way it should be enjoyed. _sputter_ **Bwah-Hahahahahah** _Diet Coke all over the screen!_ _ahem_ Sorry, lost it there for a second, trying to be a smart-ass and failing miserably. Back to your thread… _titter_ Q **GUFFAW** Jesus where did **that** come from??? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/74 "2003-07-09T00:35:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ranchoth \* > **2. The video is a [sequel to a well known film](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=160605), but you’ve never heard of it before. Bonus if it doesn’t have any of the original cast members.** Oddly enough, one of the films mentioned in that thread, _American Psycho 2_, leapt to mind when I read what you said. What a terrible sequel, but strangely compelling in its badness. And it’s got William Shatner being killed in it! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ranchoth \* > **3. The movie is _Star Trek: Generations_** Also has William Shatner getting killed! Hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/75 "2003-07-09T01:04:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*The makers of porn videos, I always thought, name their films as slight variations of well-known movies just because it’s kind of a tradition in the genre to see who can come up with the worst (i.e. best) puns. > > “Splendor In The Ass” slays me every time. \*\* 😃 I love that one too. So much it has inspired me to start a new [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=196252) on the subject of Porn titles, as to not hijack this one further. ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/76 "2003-07-09T01:09:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Avalonian \* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by Ranchoth_ > > 3. The movie is Star Trek: Generations > > Also has William Shatner getting killed! Twice! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/77 "2003-07-09T01:39:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zeldar \* > **As is having the name Michael Pare in the cast list (or depicted on the cover).** Hey hey **hey!** _Eddie and the Cruisers_ was a fine film. Sadly they made a sequel. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/78 "2003-07-09T01:40:43Z")
Usually when they splash the bands whom they paid to include popular songs and nothing else about the movie, you’re in trouble. Featuring music by: Sly Foxx !! Animotion !! M !! Scritti Politti !! La Tour !! ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/79 "2003-07-09T02:01:39Z")
If it says “View Askew Productions”" anywhere on the box, DO NOT RENT IT. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618/80 "2003-07-09T02:26:41Z")
Any film since 1990 in which Lou Diamond Phillips is top-billed. Any film promoted as being by a notable star or director “before they got famous!” Any film that uses a Larry King quote to promote it. Any film with 3 or more members of the Coppola family in it, and, for that matter, around 75% or so of Francis Ford Coppola’s films overall since 1980 should be stayed away from. Any film in which Christopher Walken is the only actor on the box that you can recognize. Any film made in less time than it takes to get a Nevada divorce. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/earmarks-of-a-video-that-should-not-be-rented/186618.md?page=5)