# Easiest and hardest jobs in Starfleet **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275 "2010-05-13T05:40:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/21 "2010-05-13T15:23:51Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I’d imagine it’s kind of like a self-cleaning oven…once you _get out of the chamber_ and give the “clean” order, it flash-converts all organic matter currently in the chamber. You really, really don’t want to accidentally give that order before you’re out of the arch, though… Are there any Trek fanatics who can provide an example of this being referred to in the series? Edit: By “this” I mean a reference to matter being converted to holomatter on the holodeck via a self-cleaning oven type scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Meme\_Chose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Meme\_Chose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meme_Chose)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/22 "2010-05-13T15:27:01Z")
Engineering is the absolute worst. Not only are you perpetually on duty, but you’re expected to create new technology and increase the performance of the existing tech by 7.34% nearly every day. Plus, when crunch time comes, if you don’t have warp 14 available in the next 20 seconds, the entire ship and crew will be pulled into a gravity hole and crushed instantly. No photon torpedoes? Get up to the deflector dish and modify it with some nanobots and Saran wrap to emit some sort of kablooey pulse! For the cushy position, show me to the Astrometrics Lab. Oooh, look, a star! Crunch time in Astrometrics is a binary system with a nebula approaching at, say, .000000008 lightyears per century. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/23 "2010-05-13T15:27:30Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So when I’m done boning a holographic Kathryn Janeway my jizz is turned into holomatter? The computer knows to turn my jizz into holomatter but not turn _me_ into holomatter? You have a much larger problem than just the computer to worry about. Your taste in fictional women is abominable. I’d rather bone a horta than touch Janeway. Otherwise I think **jayjay** nailed it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/24 "2010-05-13T15:36:15Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > You have a much larger problem than just the computer to worry about. Your taste in fictional women is abominable. I’d rather bone a horta than touch Janeway. > > Otherwise I think **jayjay** nailed it. _ **AClockworkMelon** steps into the holodeck and waits for the door to shut behind him._ “Computer, pick things up where I left off with holoprogram _Caretaker_.” _Janeway is about to strand Voyager in the Delta Quadrant before **Melon** appears and puts a hand on her forearm, stopping her._ '70s disco music plays in the background. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/25 "2010-05-13T15:53:40Z")
The guy who changes the nameplate on the red shirts’ door is probably the busiest. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/26 "2010-05-13T16:02:23Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Hardest: Red Shirted Security guard. That’s not a very hard job, albeit not a very pleasant one. You just stand around and get killed. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/27 "2010-05-13T16:10:20Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > _ **AClockworkMelon** steps into the holodeck and waits for the door to shut behind him._ “Computer, pick things up where I left off with holoprogram _Caretaker_.” _Janeway is about to strand Voyager in the Delta Quadrant before **Melon** appears and puts a hand on her forearm, stopping her._ > > '70s disco music plays in the background. OK, this is just one of those Star Trek “Destroy the Computer by Presenting it With an Impossible/Illogical/Incomprehensible Situation” ploys, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/28 "2010-05-13T16:18:43Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > OK, this is just one of those Star Trek “Destroy the Computer by Presenting it With an Impossible/Illogical/Incomprehensible Situation” ploys, isn’t it? I’m not sure. What I _am_ sure of is that the computer is going to have a LOT of organic matter to turn into holomatter when I’m done. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/29 "2010-05-13T16:19:03Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Are there any Trek fanatics who can provide an example of this being referred to in the series? > > Edit: By “this” I mean a reference to matter being converted to holomatter on the holodeck via a self-cleaning oven type scenario. I don’t know that it ever was. I was just going with the flow of the thread…I’m pretty sure that holodeck organic-molecule cleanup and maintenance isn’t even covered by the Okudas. In other words, pure fanwank. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/30 "2010-05-13T16:22:09Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I don’t know that it ever was. I was just going with the flow of the thread…I’m pretty sure that holodeck organic-molecule cleanup and maintenance isn’t even covered by the Okudas. In other words, pure fanwank. OK, good! Because the idea of some poor ensign mopping up splooge amuses me. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/31 "2010-05-13T16:40:42Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I don’t know that it ever was. I was just going with the flow of the thread…I’m pretty sure that holodeck organic-molecule cleanup and maintenance isn’t even covered by the Okudas. In other words, pure fanwank. You said, “fanwank.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/32 "2010-05-13T20:30:14Z")
Second only to redshirt for riskiness has to be the one-time specialist for the episode, such as for example xenoarcheologist, ambassador, or technical consultant. You’re safe so long as you work in your office aboard ship writing thesis papers and reviewing reports from others. If you ever get called to join the Captain on an away team, you’re probably doomed. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/33 "2010-05-13T20:44:45Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Are there any Trek fanatics who can provide an example of this being referred to in the series? > > Edit: By “this” I mean a reference to matter being converted to holomatter on the holodeck via a self-cleaning oven type scenario. In every episode, the holodeck is always completely spotless when a scenario is ended (ok, except maybe for Professor Moriarty). It’s always just a featureless grid. You apparently don’t even have to leave the holodeck for the cleanup to happen. Presumably, the computer is programmed to ignore living things and any clothing they may be wearing, and there’s probably some fuzzy logic about personal effects, but bodily fluids would have a dedicated cleanup subroutine that operated in all cases. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/34 "2010-05-13T21:26:34Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Hardest: Starfleet Temporal Continuity Officer. “Wait…you sent who when? Tribbles? Whales? You got trapped trying to rescue yourself from an hour earlier? WHAT?!” Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/35 "2010-05-14T02:46:42Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > OK, good! Because the idea of some poor ensign mopping up splooge amuses me. If that amuses you, and if you have access to an old PowerPC Macintosh, you’ll love this! [http://www.macintoshgarden.org/apps/freeverse-toys](http://www.macintoshgarden.org/apps/freeverse-toys) ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/36 "2010-05-14T02:53:34Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Hardest: Starfleet Temporal Continuity Officer. “Wait…you sent who when? Tribbles? Whales? You got trapped trying to rescue yourself from an hour earlier? WHAT?!” They deal with it by having the part of their brains that would otherwise handle humour removed. Trust me…never even JOKE about quietly assassinating a particular aspiring Austrian artist. (I wasn’t even talking about Hitler!) ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/37 "2010-05-14T02:57:44Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > In every episode, the holodeck is always completely spotless when a scenario is ended (ok, except maybe for Professor Moriarty). It’s always just a featureless grid. Why wouldn’t it be, though. Usually the crew just enters with themselves and whatever costumes they’re wearing, if they don’t bring anything in, then there wouldn’t be anything to get rid of when the program ends. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/38 "2010-05-14T04:08:24Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Hardest: Red Shirted Security guard. No, actually, that’s the **easiest.** ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/39 "2010-05-14T04:31:01Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > In other words, pure fanwank. BAD choice of words! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/40 "2010-05-14T04:32:14Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > No, actually, that’s the **easiest.** Yeah, but making a career out of it? Heck, just surviving thrugh one enlistment… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275.md?page=3)