# Easiest and hardest jobs in Starfleet **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275 "2010-05-13T05:40:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/61 "2010-05-16T14:47:36Z")
Toilet maintenance. Easy, because they obviously don’t exist in Starfleet. (Sinks do, but no toidies.) Captain. Hard, because it’s lonely at the top (except for the bath tub and rubber duckie). ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/62 "2010-05-16T17:47:34Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I don’t have a Hollywood crush. I’d just like to fuck her. Think about it- the fact that they even put her in those spots means that the producers felt she had sufficient sex appeal. I don’t think she’s incredibly sexy or anything but when I see her in that uniform I want to give her the Vulcan grip if you know what I mean. You’ve been stuck in the Delta Quadrant way too long. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/63 "2010-05-16T17:49:43Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > You’ve been stuck in the Delta Quadrant way too long. Isn’t that your job, **Voyager**? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/64 "2010-05-16T17:50:03Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > Counselor Troi had a pretty easy job. Most of the time all she had to do was walk around the bridge in a skintight leotard and tell the captain how she sensed hostily from the aliens that just locked weapons on the Enterprise. And look what happened when they finally gave her a real job. Easiest job for me: Member of the Science Department in TOS. Spock knows everything immediately and never asks his department for any studies or information. I suspect they file star maps and sensor reports, and after that ten minutes of work is done play solitaire all day. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/65 "2010-05-16T17:51:32Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Isn’t that your job, **Voyager**? Different Voyager. The women in the Starship Voyager in my novel (which predates the show) are a lot hotter than Janeway - and she isn’t even too old for me. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/66 "2010-05-16T17:55:14Z")
I figure computer programmer is pretty easy. You just spend all day putting in no-ops and screwing stuff up and making the computer sucky so that things like piloting and phaser aiming are actually more efficient through a touch screen and people can feel good about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/67 "2010-05-16T18:01:14Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Most of the JAG officer’s duties would be the same as today: prosecuting drunks and gays, paying off homeowners who bring shuttlecraft sonic boom claims, and escorting investigators who think the dilithium contractor cheated the government. Aren’t you confusing Starfleet JAG with SCIS /CID (or whatever they call it?) I’d imagine that the Starfleet JAG folks would be nice and cozy on starbases, and the SCIS agents/officers would be the ones in the fleet. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/68 "2010-05-16T18:05:04Z")
Real Starfleet [ensign:Captain I am detecting a ship. Captain: Hai… Ensign: They are power weapons to fire? Captain: Red alert. deflector shields up, target their weapons, evasive manuevers. Weapons O: Aiming phasers… weapons targeted… Captain: Fire. WO: firing phasers, their weapons are at 50 percent. Captain: fire again! WO: their weapons are disabled, but we took 3 shots and got 100 people killed. ] wolfman’s star fleet. { Computer: Ship detected off port, They powered weapons so I raised shields, and targeted full phasers at their weapons core in accordance with protocol 12. Encounter time was .00012 seconds. Do you need another Martini while I transmit all relevant communications to them? Captain, Nah, make it a White Russian this time } ---
**Author:** ![FordTaurusSHO94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f07891/32.png) [@FordTaurusSHO94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordTaurusSHO94)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/69 "2010-05-16T21:59:37Z")
Speaking of Ten Forward, was there a bar on the Enterprise E or was it an all out battleship? ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/70 "2010-05-17T00:48:46Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Which makes me wonder about something. Aboard a starship on a deep space exploratory mission, you not only have to have doctors whose main job is dealing with the crew’s health but also experts across the entire field of the biological sciences. The “Chief Medical Officer” should be the head of one of the largest subdivisions in the entire science division of the ship. Routine care of crewmembers should be two or three levels of delegation down… True, most of her time would be spent doing administrative work, but she’d still probally do as much actual doctoring as possible if for no other reason than to keep her skills from decaying. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/71 "2011-09-19T16:27:09Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So when I’m done boning a holographic Kathryn Janeway Good God man! Now I need to burn my brain out of my head to get that mental image to go away. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/72 "2011-09-19T19:16:38Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > On the other hand, you’re in a heap of trouble when something goes wrong. You don’t want to be the one responsible for the away team evaporating into the ether. > > I also assumed the staff at 10 Forward had other responsibilities, or were, at least, not Starfleet. Remember that people’s families were on board. They had to have something to do. “but the animal is inside-out …and it exploded” 😉 \ ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/73 "2011-09-19T19:54:15Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > I’d have to go with, “Person who has to squeegee out the holodeck.” +1, especially after Worf’s workout routine or Riker’s jazz bar program… ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/74 "2011-09-19T20:06:57Z")
[QUOTE=Slow Moving Vehicle] I mean, at least Bev was called “Chief Medical Officer”, which suggests that there were a few other docs aboard. But one psych for over a thousand people? Come on. [/QUOTE] Mix the “What’s wrong?” medicine cabinets from _THX 1138_ and [ELIZA](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA), and you’ve probably got enough psychoanalytic horsepower to handle all but the most banal and trivial of problems. It’s just when Lt. Barclay has a problem that Deanna needs to clear her schedule. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/75 "2011-09-19T21:05:33Z")
Enterprise HR officer would be a pretty sucky job. (Intercom voice) Ensign Redshirt, report for Away Team. HR officer sighs, pulls up Redshirt’s file on the computer, marks “DECEASED”, notifies Starfleet HQ, gets a big box to collect Redshirt’s personal effects and gets ready to fill out a while bunch of incident reports when the team gets back. Then there’s the whole business of deciding whether to file reports whenever a crewmember goes berserk. Is that a disciplinary issue or just another case of alien possession? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/76 "2011-09-19T23:30:58Z")
Okay, I’m a straight female, but I don’t understand why the hate for Janeway. Don’t know about her abilities as a captain, but she’s attractive, has a great voice, and isn’t too old. I think if I was a guy I’d want to boink her. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/77 "2011-09-19T23:43:52Z")
I do wonder if anyone’s ever boinked a holographic zombie. > [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](#): > > Good God man! Now I need to burn my brain out of my head to get that mental image to go away. > [@Baker](#): > > Okay, I’m a straight female, but I don’t understand why the hate for Janeway. Don’t know about her abilities as a captain, but she’s attractive, has a great voice, and isn’t too old. I think if I was a guy I’d want to boink her. Damn straight. That gravelly voice… Mmm. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/78 "2011-09-19T23:50:11Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Okay, I’m a straight female, but I don’t understand why the hate for Janeway. . Mrs. Kate Columbo in space. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/79 "2011-09-19T23:52:20Z")
I was mostly put off by VOY in general. Whine of the week, Weird forehead alien of the week, Stupid holodeck idea of the week, Chacotay or Janeway act all pompous for no good reason of the week, etc… Did have some good eps, tho. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/80 "2011-09-19T23:58:35Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Okay, I’m a straight female, but I don’t understand why the hate for Janeway. It’s all those “Me, too” posts. My work here is done. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275.md?page=5)