# Easiest and hardest jobs in Starfleet **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275 "2010-05-13T05:40:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/81 "2011-09-20T00:29:41Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Okay, I’m a straight female, but I don’t understand why the hate for Janeway. People who hate Admiral Janeway have issues with their Mothers. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/82 "2011-09-20T01:48:11Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Okay, I’m a straight female, but I don’t understand why the hate for Janeway. Don’t know about her abilities as a captain, but she’s attractive, has a great voice, and isn’t too old. I think if I was a guy I’d want to boink her. I’m a straight male who thinks Janeway was an absolute disaster as a captain–not because she was a nuts, as is often said, but because she was flat-out evil. That said, she was freaking hot. The ridiculous episode when she was alone on the ship fighting the giant flying space virus, and she was down to her undershirt and all sweaty – YUM! ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/83 "2011-09-20T02:55:07Z")
Janeway may have been a lousy captain, but she was [hot enough to tear Sam Malone away from Diane Chambers.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ5IYH9-L8Q) ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/84 "2011-09-20T03:34:14Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > you have a much larger problem than just the computer to worry about. Your taste in fictional women is abominable. I’d rather bone a horta than touch janeway. asf. **NO BONE I** ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/85 "2011-09-20T12:49:00Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > asf. > > **NO BONE I** I’m pretty sure Hortas don’t use that font. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/86 "2011-09-20T13:38:29Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > I’d have to go with, “Person who has to squeegee out the holodeck.” Imagine being the guy whose job it is to allocate and schedule holodeck hours. You’d have 1,000 people screaming for as much time as they could get every day. A PERFECT reality simulation? We have to assume sex drive hasn’t gone away in the 24th century. I’d be in there with Rachel Weisz and Monica Bellucci until my wang fell off. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/87 "2011-09-20T13:58:53Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’m not sure. What I _am_ sure of is that the computer is going to have a LOT of organic matter to turn into holomatter when I’m done. Norman corrdinate. Beep beep beepbeepbeep BEEEEEEP! ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/88 "2011-09-20T14:00:03Z")
[A timely Cracked photoshop entry](http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/photoshop/4/3/4/90434_v1.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/89 "2011-09-20T14:46:57Z")
Now now, I’m sure the holodecks all had signs up saying “your mom doesn’t work here! Clean up after yourself” ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/90 "2011-09-20T15:17:27Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m a straight male who thinks Janeway was an absolute disaster as a captain–not because she was a nuts, as is often said, but because she was flat-out evil. That said, she was freaking hot. The ridiculous episode when she was alone on the ship fighting the giant flying space virus, and she was down to her undershirt and all sweaty – YUM! **Skald** , I’m curious why you think Janeway was flat out evil. IMO, she had no idea how to run a ship fully on its own. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/91 "2011-09-20T15:43:29Z")
Toughest job: Captain of a starship. Any decision you make could be a matter of life or death. Everybody in the crew looks to you to keep them safe. You’re never really off-duty. If a subordinate screws up while you’re off the Bridge, you’re still held responsible. Easiest job: Ship’s Counselor, for the reasons stated earlier. You sense hostility? _Really?_ Busiest job: Shuttlecraft construction tech on _Voyager_. Janeway kept those boys hoppin’. > [@FordTaurusSHO94](#): > > Speaking of Ten Forward, was there a bar on the Enterprise E or was it an all out battleship? There probably is a Ten Forward or its equivalent on the _Enterprise_-E, but it’s never been shown. Memory Alpha adds this, though: “The novel _Resistance_ establishes that before he left the _Enterprise_ for the _Titan_, Commander Riker christened this _Enterprise_’s version of the crew lounge, or Ten Forward, as the “Happy Bottom Riding Club,” a name Worf absolutely hates and refuses to use under any circumstances. The name for the lounge was derived from a similar watering hole that old Earth astronauts used to frequent.” > **[USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-E)](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/USS_Enterprise_(NCC-1701-E))** > > The USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-E) was a 24th century Federation Sovereign-class starship operated by Starfleet. This ship was the sixth Federation starship to bear the name Enterprise. See Enterprise history On stardate 49827.5, the Sovereign-class... > **[Happy Bottom Riding Club](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Bottom_Riding_Club)** > > The Happy Bottom Riding Club (1935–1953), was a dude ranch, restaurant, and hotel operated by aviator Florence "Pancho" Barnes near Edwards Air Force Base in the Antelope Valley of California's Mojave Desert.\[N 1\] Barnes and her club were featured in Tom Wolfe's 1979 book, The Right Stuff, and its 1983 film adaptation. > Also known as the Rancho Oro Verde Fly-Inn Dude Ranch, the establishment was a favored hangout of test pilots and the Hollywood elite during the 1940s, boasting over 9,000 mem... ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/92 "2011-09-20T17:24:15Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > **Skald** , I’m curious why you think Janeway was flat out evil. She murdered Tuvix and rationalized it away. Even as Evil!Skald, I can only respect the first part. > [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Toughest job: Captain of a starship. Any decision you make could be a matter of life or death. Everybody in the crew looks to you to keep them safe. You’re never really off-duty. If a subordinate screws up while you’re off the Bridge, you’re still held responsible. Though I agree, I feel I must point out that the chief medical officer, chief engineer, and first officer are never really off-duty either. And I suspect that, when the ship is under fire, it’s more dangerous to be the chief engineer than the captain, as the enemy is likely to be aiming to do harm to engineering whether they want to utterly destroy the ship or not. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/93 "2011-09-20T18:01:08Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Toilet maintenance. Easy, because they obviously don’t exist in Starfleet. (Sinks do, but no toidies.) > > Captain. Hard, because it’s lonely at the top (except for the bath tub and rubber duckie). I said it once, I’ll say it again. Engineers have the toughest job, bar none. When Troi took her bridge officer exam, she kept failing until she realized the only way to pass is to order the Engineer to his death. Lonely at the top? Puh-leeze. Physical attractiveness is apparently a pre-requisite for the captain’s chair. Kirk got all the tail he wanted. Picard had to beat away the hot chicks on Riza to get in a little reading time. The hilarious Janeway discussion up-thread shows she could definitely get some. And as far as Sisko… okay there’s an exception to every rule. Captains get absolute authority over their crew. They get to be dicks to their subordinates and if you’re an Engineer stuck with an egomaniacal blowhard Captain, you have to suck it up and eat whatever shit they fling your way. The Enterprise Engineer got shat upon by the Captain so much that they even cast an actor named SHATner to be the Captain. If the Captain fucks up and insults the enemy or makes the wrong call and your ship ends up in a sticky situation, it falls to the Engineer to bail them out with a technical solution. And when the Engineer comes through and saves every life on the ship, not a single one of them will thank the Engineer, they’ll be too busy congratulating and sucking up to the Captain. When the Engineer invents something awesome, they are quickly forgotten by the rest of humanity who are busy enjoying the invention. Who invented the holodeck? If you ask anyone in Star Trek, their answer is probably “Who the fuck cares?” And Data’s genius inventor, Noonien Soong was collectively shat upon by the rest of the Federation so he changed his name and moved to a backwater planet. Dr. Reyga, creator of the metaphasic shield? Shat upon by his people. Toby Russel, creator of the genitronic replicator that saved Worf by repairing his spinal column? Shat upon mercilessly by a self-righteous Dr. Crusher (after she failed and Worf was saved by Russel). Back to your point about the ease of toilet maintenance. Guess what? Someone had to invent the technology. But nobody can thank that person, because nobody can remember the Engineer who did it. It’s no wonder Soong decided to leave the idiots behind and do his work in peace. Ok, correction… it’s worse to be a holographic Engineer. Because the regular Engineers get to boss you around and abuse you (much like the treatment Voyager’s EMH got) and you would get even less credit. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/94 "2011-09-20T18:16:16Z")
> [@The\_Controvert](#): > > Ok, correction… it’s worse to be a holographic Engineer. Because the regular Engineers get to boss you around and abuse you Or masturbate to your programmed-to-be-attracted-to-the-nerd-engineer holographic image. Poor Dr. Brahms…it must have been like finding those naked pics you posed for when you were a stupid freshman at the Academy on a nerd-pr0n website… ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/95 "2011-09-20T19:49:22Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Imagine being the guy whose job it is to allocate and schedule holodeck hours. You’d have 1,000 people screaming for as much time as they could get every day. > > A PERFECT reality simulation? We have to assume sex drive hasn’t gone away in the 24th century. I’d be in there with Rachel Weisz and Monica Bellucci until my wang fell off. Considering the failure rate of the holodecks and thier safety features, that result may happen a lot sooner then you expect, but not necessarily in the way you mean. 😃 Would the defense council for the holodeck manufacturers be the esiest or the hardest? I mean you would constantly be swamped with personal injury lawsuits, but you real have no defense stratagy but to settle out of court with no admission of liability. Your job would amount to backing up large dump trucks of money to peoples doors. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/96 "2011-09-20T19:55:11Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Or masturbate to your programmed-to-be-attracted-to-the-nerd-engineer holographic image. Poor Dr. Brahms…it must have been like finding those naked pics you posed for when you were a stupid freshman at the Academy on a nerd-pr0n website… \*She \*wasn’t involved in that at all. She did not make a sexy, holo-Brahms that he got a hold of. It all came from Geordi’s desperate, sick need for any affection at all. It would be more like discovering the creepy guy in the mailroom has been posting his hentai drawings of you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/97 "2011-09-20T20:02:29Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > Would the defense council for the holodeck manufacturers be the esiest or the hardest? I mean you would constantly be swamped with personal injury lawsuits, but you real have no defense stratagy but to settle out of court with no admission of liability. _“Unless you quietly settle for a single credit, you understand we’ll be showing the jury everything you’ve done in the holodeck, right?”_ ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/98 "2011-09-20T20:22:57Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > …A PERFECT reality simulation? We have to assume sex drive hasn’t gone away in the 24th century. I’d be in there with Rachel Weisz and Monica Bellucci until my wang fell off. “When virtual reality gets so good that Joe Sixpack can make love to Claudia Schiffer in his den by the hour, it’s gonna make crack look like Sanka.” - Dennis Miller ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/99 "2011-09-20T20:32:05Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > \*She \*wasn’t involved in that at all. > > She did not make a sexy, holo-Brahms that he got a hold of. It all came from Geordi’s desperate, sick need for any affection at all. It would be more like discovering the creepy guy in the mailroom has been posting his hentai drawings of you. You’re right. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275/100 "2011-09-20T21:24:04Z")
Easy one. Security. Your job is to get beat up or die or both. It may be painful but it’s not difficult. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/easiest-and-hardest-jobs-in-starfleet/539275.md?page=4)