# Eat Pray Love (the movie): is Elizabeth Gilbert a \[expletive\] or is it just me? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 1, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510 "2010-12-01T04:31:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/121 "2013-11-25T22:02:29Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Just reverse the roles. If it was a man who did all that- he’d be denounced as the biggest sort of cad. That _fucking_ Siddhartha Gautama! What an asshole! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/122 "2013-11-25T23:16:41Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > That _fucking_ Siddhartha Gautama! What an asshole! What are you babbling about? What does the Buddha have to do with this? ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/123 "2013-11-25T23:24:03Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > What are you babbling about? What does the Buddha have to do with this? Siddhartha left his wife and children to go on the spiritual quest that led to him becoming the Buddha… [QUOTE=Wikipedia] Early life and marriage Departure of Prince Siddhartha Siddhartha was born in a royal Hindu family.[38] He was brought up by his mother’s younger sister, Maha Pajapati.[39] By tradition, he is said to have been destined by birth to the life of a prince, and had three palaces (for seasonal occupation) built for him. Although more recent scholarship doubts this status, his father, said to be King Śuddhodana, wishing for his son to be a great king, is said to have shielded him from religious teachings and from knowledge of human suffering. When he reached the age of 16, his father reputedly arranged his marriage to a cousin of the same age named Yaśodharā (Pāli: Yasodharā). According to the traditional account,[which?] she gave birth to a son, named Rāhula. Siddhartha is said to have spent 29 years as a prince in Kapilavastu. Although his father ensured that Siddhartha was provided with everything he could want or need, Buddhist scriptures say that the future Buddha felt that material wealth was not life’s ultimate goal. [/QUOTE] Now, whether Gilbert’s quest is comparable is a whole 'nother kettle of fish… ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/124 "2013-11-26T00:05:34Z")
So now we’re down to figuring out what sort of quest makes it OK. Because the vast majority of us (men and women) can’t just take off on a world-girdling vision quest when we realize we’re at a dead end in our current relationship and get paid for it, but at best we move into a different house and go on antidepressants while still reporting to work the next morning, we become divided in our reaction to her way to deal with it. Visionary learning to get the most out of life, or entitled bint showing off that she can up and leave when she wants? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/125 "2013-11-26T00:09:53Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Siddhartha left his wife and children to go on the spiritual quest that led to him becoming the Buddha… > > Now, whether Gilbert’s quest is comparable is a whole 'nother kettle of fish… It has no comparison at all- the Buddha did not eat and fuck his way across several continents, spending money like a drunk sailor. And then bragging about it. ---
**Author:** ![cerebus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@cerebus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerebus)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/126 "2013-11-26T00:45:42Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It has no comparison at all- the Buddha did not \*\*eat \*\*and fuck his way across several continents, spending money like a drunk sailor. And then bragging about it. How’d he get so fat then? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/127 "2013-11-26T00:54:10Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It has no comparison at all- the Buddha did not eat and fuck his way across several continents, spending money like a drunk sailor. And then bragging about it. That’s really only a significant difference if you think eat and fucking is a less worthy goal than sitting under a bodhi tree staring at your navel. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/128 "2013-11-26T00:55:49Z")
> [@cerebus](#): > > How’d he get so fat then? 😛 [Different buddha.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budai) ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/129 "2013-11-26T03:07:30Z")
I recognize this is an ancient zombie, but goodness. I guess the moral of the thread is that if you break up with your husband, it’s best to spend your days watching Lifetime TV, eating at Olive Garden and collecting cats (rather than adventuring, writing books that make you rich, and banging hotties), less upset someone by having a more interesting life than they do. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/130 "2013-11-26T05:03:20Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I recognize this is an ancient zombie, but goodness. > > I guess the moral of the thread is that if you break up with your husband, it’s best to spend your days watching Lifetime TV, eating at Olive Garden and collecting cats (rather than adventuring, writing books that make you rich, and banging hotties), less upset someone by having a more interesting life than they do. I don’t remember anyone citing that as a reason they disliked the book or movie. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/131 "2013-11-26T12:44:15Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > I don’t remember anyone citing that as a reason they disliked the book or movie. You don’t? I don’t even have to “remember” back to the first time this thread was alive to find plenty of examples: > [@DrDeth](#): > > It has no comparison at all- the Buddha did not eat and fuck his way across several continents, spending money like a drunk sailor. And then bragging about it. > [@Nom\_de\_Plume](#): > > Dumping her loving husband without a second thought about his feelings is cuntbaggery. Telling herself that leaving this (apparently faithful and devoted) husband to fly around the world fucking other men is some sort of spiritual journey or feminist ideal is even worse. > [@Fartknocker](#): > > Hopefully her new husband bails out on her in favour of Pasta and fornication with other women. Then she can put all that knowledge of karma which she learnt in her ashram to good use. > > Cunt If you can’t see the hatred for her daring to travel and learn - and it’s a distinct and different hatred from the hatred for her leaving her man - then I’m not sure what thread you’re reading. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/132 "2013-11-26T14:39:41Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > You don’t? I don’t even have to “remember” back to the first time this thread was alive to find plenty of examples: > > If you can’t see the hatred for her daring to travel and learn - and it’s a distinct and different hatred from the hatred for her leaving her man - then I’m not sure what thread you’re reading. Daring to “travel and learn”?:dubious: no, we said “eat and fuck”. Note no one castigated her for learning. Just reverse the roles; man leaves good faithful wife as she want kids and he doesn’t, using his first chance to do so , having landed a fat cash advance, which he Doesn’t share with wife. Immediately starts having sex with young hotties and stuffing his face like a bad falstaff imitator. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/133 "2013-11-26T14:51:21Z")
Pardon my short attention span… What did she “learn”? How to forgive herself? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/134 "2013-11-26T17:40:40Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > Interesting. Why are there posts saying he needed to grow up and get a job? Sounds like he was more mature than the wife to me. Then the wife went and hooked up with some ugly dude who (possibly/likely) used her for a Green Card and her money, even though she doesn’t believe in marriage. At least that’s what I read in some articles that go into the aftermath. He is portrayed that way in the film and the book, IIRC. Been ages since I saw/read and no desire to. I don’t think his profession was mentioned, I could be wrong. But the portrayal seems to have led to the impressions as illustrated by the OP, **evensven** and **WhyNot**. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/135 "2013-11-26T18:33:21Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Daring to “travel and learn”?:dubious: no, we said “eat and fuck”. Note no one castigated her for learning. > > Just reverse the roles; man leaves good faithful wife as she want kids and he doesn’t, using his first chance to do so , having landed a fat cash advance, which he Doesn’t > share with wife. Immediately starts having sex with young hotties and stuffing his face like a bad falstaff imitator. Yeah, how dare she … eat. I mean, what kind of an awful wretch could show how morally bankrupt they are by … eating. Plus, PLUS, what kind of loose morals would you need to have sex with another adult after your divorce? Okay, I’ll play. A man realizes that he doesn’t want to have kids but knows that his wife does. He thought his feelings might change after getting married, but they haven’t. He knows that having kids is of central importance to his wife and he is swamped with guilt at the idea of denying this to her, but swamped with horror at the idea of spending the rest of his life going through the motions. He leaves his wife and there is a horrible time for everyone as they move through the wreckage of the divorce. After losing nearly everything he had, he is able to get an advance which will finance a year of a spiritual and physical journey in which he heals himself and works on figuring himself out, after which he will write about it. He does not share the advance with his ex-wife, as they are no longer married. Over the course of that year, he rebuilds himself up from the low point of black depression he had been in. After leaving his wife but before the divorce was finalized, he got deeply involved with a woman. The relationship is passionate but stormy and he decides to step away from it and in fact from all romantic relationships for the duration of this year so that he can learn who he is when he is not part of a couple. This resolution holds until the last third of the year, when he meets someone who is really into him and convinces him to take a chance on her. Yeah, whatta jerk, huh? Please note that I have read the book but not seen the movie. Perhaps the movie presented the character of Elizabeth Gilbert in a very different way than she comes across in her writing; I don’t know. But I do know that I find it disquieting that so many people in this thread seem to be so very vitriolic about her. As I greatly doubt that she kicked all y’all’s puppies, it makes me wonder about the nerve that she’s struck here. ---
**Author:** ![Nom\_de\_Plume](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/85f322/32.png) [@Nom\_de\_Plume](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nom_de_Plume)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/136 "2013-11-26T18:45:34Z")
The problem is not that she ended her marriage to eat, drink and love. It’s because she dumped her husband. According to the movie she just woke up one day to a voice in her head, turned her back on a loving husband and went on an international eating, banging and praying binge. It was a selfish, careless move that she sees as a spiritual journey. I did not see it that way and agree with the OP’s assessment of her character. (I did not read the book nor do I know the author. This is based on what little of the movie I saw before I had to take a shower.) ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/137 "2013-11-26T18:56:43Z")
> [@shantih](#): > > But I do know that I find it disquieting that so many people in this thread seem to be so very vitriolic about her. As I greatly doubt that she kicked all y’all’s puppies, it makes me wonder about the nerve that she’s struck here. I think people have been pretty clear about what bothers them with this movie and with the book. People respond poorly to selfish, callous manipulators who justify their behavior by attempting to appeal to others’ sympathy for their suffering. Your little depiction of the year of hard times post-divorce was expressly and explicitly not shown in the movie, and apparently was not clear to everyone who read the book. Instead, she was depicted as capricious, aloof and uncaring. Normal people wanted to see some evidence that this decision was not made lightly and was associated with some sense of remorse or self-reflection. Instead, the protagonist fairly abruptly decides that she no longer wants to be married to a guy for no particularly clear reason. Without much sensitivity to the hurt she is causing, she pulls the plug on the relationship and very quickly enters another. Subsequently she goes on a “journey” that seems, to normal people, nothing more than the indulgence of various appetites – food, sex, excitement. I could see little learning or change in the character shown in the film. People have a negative reaction to the celebration of base, antisocial and hurtful behavior when there is no sense of learning, change or at least come-uppance for the person who engaged in them. That’s what people have said here, and that’s the piece you seem to be missing. For my money, there are certainly lots of people who are hard on themselves, who are too critical of themselves, and who tend to carry too much regret. These are almost NEVER the same people who say things like “I need to learn to forgive myself,” or “I need to learn to love myself.” Instead, these kind of things are said by people who have done nothing but think about themselves and engage in self-serving indulgence of their appetites and desires. These folks have simply learned how to evoke sympathy from others by claiming hardship. These statements are big red flags to steer clear of a manipulative, self-involved jerk who is not ready to take any accountability for his or her shit. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/138 "2013-11-26T19:22:02Z")
Plus her claims are not really in consonance with her actions. I find it unlikely that she began fucking that dude only after she ended things. If we are to believe her she just one day upped and left. Yeah. And Fido went to a nice farm in the country. Her claims about the divorce, the settlement, she apparently decided to give him everything out of the goodness of her heart? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/139 "2013-11-26T20:43:12Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Daring to “travel and learn”?:dubious: no, we said “eat and fuck”. Note no one castigated her for learning. > > Just reverse the roles; man leaves good faithful wife as she want kids and he doesn’t, using his first chance to do so , having landed a fat cash advance, which he Doesn’t > share with wife. Immediately starts having sex with young hotties and stuffing his face like a bad falstaff imitator. Ok, let’s reverse the roles. Let’s go on about how selfish the guy is and what a prick he is for doing what he did. What an asshole, right? Great. Does that feel better? Does it feel like everything is right and just now? Or do you kind of feel like the guy probably should get some benefit if the doubt? Perhaps even glad that he found a positive situation after a painful breakup? And maybe a tiny bit envious of his freedom? In other words, do you actually ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510/140 "2013-11-26T21:18:54Z")
Got cut off In other words, do you actually think she did something wrong, or are you just looking for a reason to whine? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eat-pray-love-the-movie-is-elizabeth-gilbert-a-expletive-or-is-it-just-me/562510.md?page=8)