# Ed Zotti

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [April 12, 2000, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869 "2000-04-12T02:48:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 7\
**Page:** 7

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**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/121 "2000-04-13T18:33:00Z")

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## Joe - Good thing, I was just winding up my spanking hand. 😉

Pardon me while I burst into flames.

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**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/122 "2000-04-13T18:47:00Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by douglips:  
> **If I were in Ed’s position, I would have apologized. Then again, maybe it’s time for me to stop apologizing to everyone who takes little things I say and blows them out of proportion just to ease their ‘feelings’. I found Ed’s response to be more entertaining than any apology, and I’m sorry that more people can’t just let go.**

You’re right. Nobody is entitled to an offense-free environment. To expect such is stupid. It’s amazing that our species survived the times when there was no Big Brother to protect us from the ravings of sane people, nobody to sue for hurting our feelings and making us cry.

> [@](#):
>
> Drain sez:  
> **…felt dirty…degraded…and what power she had to fight back…laugh it all off…making Kelli look like even more f a bitch and all the rest of us look like idiots**

Nobody made anybody look like anything except for their own words. the mirror doesn’t make you ugly, it just shows you what you look like.

> [@](#):
>
> and:  
> **…there’s nothing I can do about it, because Ed’s the administrator of the board**

Think about what you said. Ed’s the administrator of the board. That means he’s the boss. This is not town square. What goes on and is allowable is 100% up to the admin. If a message board is the universe, then the admin is the god. Deal with it.

> [@](#):
>
> and:  
> **…and I can’t do a good goddamn thing in my own defense.**

Yes, you can. You can do two very effective things:  
a] in the future, be more careful of what you post, and think through the ramifications it can have in the future. If you don’t like the consequences, don’t post it.

b] Exit, stage right. Don’t post, don’t lurk, don’t give the advertisers your pageviews. You won’t have your delicate sensibilities offended, and the rest of us won’t have to watch you get rabid because you twisted some little innocent or even funny remark to fit more pleasingly into your martyr complex.

Everybody wins, life goes on.

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**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/123 "2000-04-13T18:48:00Z")

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Wow! What a Soap Opera we have here.

I do think it was kinda rude for aha’s topic to be hijacked off into a lame episode of “The days of our lives.”

Nothing more to add.

* * *

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

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**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/124 "2000-04-13T19:03:00Z")

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Y’know people, this is the STRAIGHT DOPE message board. And one of the things that sets the Straight Dope apart from the rest of the ‘fact’ books is Cecil’s ascerbic wit and cranky character. We LOVE it when we watch Cecil tear a reader a new asshole for being stupid. It’s hilarious. Ed Zotti carries many of those Cecil traits (make of that what you will). So don’t expect him to be an ass-kissing angel!

And btw, civil discourse is a two-way street. On the one hand, you should strive not to offend people if you can help it. On the other hand, you should be TOLERANT of perceived offences by others. If either one of those characteristics is lacking, civility breaks down. The problem with the online world is that you lack the visual cues you get from face-to-face conversations, and it can be hard to determine the tone of a message. So err on the side of tolerance. If you’re not sure what someone meant, assume the best. If you can’t do that, confront them privately, in E-mail, before burning your bridges with a long public rant about an offense that may not have been intended.

Kelli’s reaction to this whole thing is simply incredibly thin-skinned. Here, in a nutshell is what happened:

Kelli: Man, I’m not getting any oral sex, and it’s driving me crazy.

Kelli (a few days later): I’m feeling down today.

Ed: Well, maybe you just need some oral sex (ha ha).

Kelli: DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MY SEX LIFE!! HOW INSULTING!

An amazingly ridiculous response. Kelli spills her guts all over the SDMB, much more than anyone else I know. We know all the details of her financial situation, job situation, marriage, sex life, children, the condition of her trailer, etc. etc. She’s the LAST person who should be demanding special privacy considerations. Make your life an open book, and people will write in the margins. If you don’t like it, shut up about it. But most importantly, be TOLERANT of it. Especially if it’s clear that the person commenting was making a JOKE and had no hard feelings towards you.

And Kelli, on a personal note you might want to have a look at your reactions here and see if you don’t do the same thing in real life. Trauma and conflict seems to follow you wherever you go, and you haven’t had the success you’d like because of it. It might just be time to have a good hard look in the mirror.

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**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/125 "2000-04-13T19:07:00Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by Diane:  
> **Joe - Good thing, I was just winding up my spanking hand.**

hey, wait a minute…maybe you could spank me anyway? 😉 keep that hand warmed up. I’ll be right over!

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**Author:** ![Nurlman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Nurlman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nurlman)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/126 "2000-04-13T19:14:00Z")

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Just so that this doesn’t all get lost in the shuffle, and to try to keep people focused on the issue, I think it’s edifying to see the posts in question again. I, for one, read Ed’s post quickly the first time, and re-reading it again after seeing the points people like Drain and Diane have raised is interesting.

Here’s the crux of Ed’s post:

> [@](#):
>
> …And sometimes you learn things. For example, I was reading MPSIMS last night. (I was doing research. Honest, I was.) I stumbled across kellibelli’s lament that her boyfriend (well, her lover, I shouldn’t make assumptions) wouldn’t go down on her. Suddenly, it … all made sense, you know what I’m saying?

And here’s Kelli’s response:

> [@](#):
>
> Well, that was nice.
> 
> Very nice example you set there Ed. [quoting of Ed omitted]
> 
> You are right though…you shouldnt make assumptions.
> 
> I want an apology posted on this board by the time I turn on my computer tomorrow morning thats 830 EST, or I will email this nasty little note of yours to you bosses.
> 
> This qualifies as sexual harrasment. Look it up.
> 
> Its one thing to be verbally assaulted by an anonomous troll, but as the ‘boss’ of this place you have a position of authority, and you have created a hostile environment for me based on your sexual comment.
> 
> You crossed the line ed.

I have no comment to add, but I think it’s worthwhile to revisit what this is all about from time to time.

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**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\
**Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ed-zotti/5869/127 "2000-04-13T19:17:00Z")

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I think this has gone far enough…probably more than far enough.

I do not want to EVER see a password in a post again.

Lynn

Queen of the Pit

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