# Edged tools that could be used as improvised weapons **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 5, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900 "2005-10-05T15:28:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/21 "2005-10-05T20:13:02Z")
Yes, I remember them teaching us that in Boy Scouts; if no knife sheath is handy then just substitute your rectum. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/22 "2005-10-05T20:24:03Z")
“Maybe you could form some kind of rudimentary lathe…” ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/23 "2005-10-05T20:31:18Z")
A rather disturbing person where I used to work showed us how you could turn an ordinary plastic credit card into a lethal slashing device by sharpening it. (If you had to disagree with Dave, it was a good idea to do so by phone, or with other more well-adjusted people in the room.) ---
**Author:** ![dotchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@dotchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dotchan)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/24 "2005-10-05T20:38:57Z")
Jawbone of a donkey? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/25 "2005-10-05T21:18:01Z")
With all the use of chainsaws, I’m surprised you never see anyone using a [pole pruner](http://www.stihlusa.com/polepruners/HT100.html) against zombies - so much better than having to get close to them. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/26 "2005-10-05T21:51:19Z")
I’d use Colt .45. It fires round, dull blades that fly through the air. Also, it’s very loud. 😃 Failing that, the corkscrew on a swiss army knife must be useful for SOMETHING, right? ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/27 "2005-10-05T23:45:11Z")
“Major Mountjoy-Standfast can’t out-think a bunch of gormless watchmen and civilians and some veterans with garden forks?” said Lord Venturi, who had no idea of how much damage a garden fork could do if hurled straight down from an elevation of twenty feet. * * * The messenger, who was a sub-lieutenant and very nervous, couldn’t find the right words to explain that “unarmed civilian” was stretching a point when it was a 200lb slaughterhouse man with a long hook in one hand and a flensing knife in the other. * * * This was, after all, the area of small traders, porters, butchers and longshoremen. And so standing in raggedy lines in front of Vimes were men who, every day, peacefully and legally, handled things with blades and spikes that made a mere sword look like a girl’s hatpin. –Quotes by Terry Pratchett, _Night Watch_ ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/28 "2005-10-05T23:50:15Z")
> [@Max Torque](#): > > There’s a fun little outdoor tool called a [bank blade](http://www.mts-safety.com/products_misc_t761625.asp) that could be extremely damaging if used against a semi-human opponent. It’s mostly used to chop brush and weeds along the banks of ditches. From the look of the blade, I think it would be far less prone to snagging than a scythe, less awkward to use, and have a quicker turnaround. “Some folks call it a Kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade, mmhmm…” ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/29 "2005-10-05T23:51:00Z")
> [@Max Torque](#): > > There’s a fun little outdoor tool called a [bank blade](http://www.mts-safety.com/products_misc_t761625.asp) that could be extremely damaging if used against a semi-human opponent. It’s mostly used to chop brush and weeds along the banks of ditches. From the look of the blade, I think it would be far less prone to snagging than a scythe, less awkward to use, and have a quicker turnaround. Ooh, glad you posted this. I had it in mind but had no idea what it was called. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/30 "2005-10-05T23:54:23Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Not to mention the wide range of spokeshaves and other carving tools. Better than a spokeshave: I give you the [drawknife](http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/d/d0383600.html). If you can get behind 'em, the perfect decapitation tool. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/31 "2005-10-06T01:05:08Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > So far I’ve got: sickle, scythe, machete, butcher knife, cleaver, pruning hook. Ok, add: wood axe, fire axe, adze, hoe, mattock, pickaxe, flensing knife ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/32 "2005-10-06T01:12:23Z")
> [@Miss Purl McKnittington](#): > > Do you mean a [chest retractor](http://www.siumed.edu/surgery/dept/images/retractor.gif) for opening chests? I don’t know how much good it would do you, since you’d have to get the zombie to lay down long enough for you to cut open his chest and then stick the retractor in and crank it. No, actually I was thinking of an issue of DC’s **Hell Blazer** , where Constantine had to make a demoness magically invisible to the forces of Hell. He did it by carving a pentagram on her heart. To do this, he had to _get to_ her heart; so he pulls out a surgical tool with a two-foot long curved serrated blade that’s smaller than a scythe but bigger than a sickle. No idea what the thing’s called. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/33 "2005-10-06T01:21:19Z")
Ooh, ooh! How about a [notched mastic trowel?](http://www.bargaintools4u.com/t/Trowels/Notched_Mastic_Trowel_B0000DI7WC.htm), or a [linoleum knife](http://www.absolutehome.com/web/catalog/product_detail.aspx?pid=65078&cm_ven=Site%20Match%20Exchange&cm_cat=Hardware&cm_pla=Stanley%20Tools&cm_ite=Stanley%20Tools-Tools-65078&srccode=cii_14934801&cpncode=07-1421087-2), or a [drywall hammer](http://www.epinions.com/content_169952972420)? Hey, how about a [Peavey hook?](http://www.peaveymfg.com/) ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/34 "2005-10-06T01:28:34Z")
The garden tools I use are: Hedge clippers Lopping shears (short, thick blades) Weedwacker Lawnmower Mattock Hoe Hula-Ho Shovels Bow rake (rigid teeth) Brooms (supposedly not dangerous; but did you ever hit someone in the shin with a broom handle?) 150 feet of electric cord (good as a noose) And remember the words of Sweet Brother Dick Whittington: “It’s better to beat your swords into plowshares! You hit a man with a plowshare he’s gonna KNOW he’s been hit!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/35 "2005-10-06T01:44:31Z")
ISTR that in _The Faculty_, the cutting arm off of a paper cutter such as [this one](http://www.staples.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StaplesProductDisplay?productId=117223) was used as a weapon. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/36 "2005-10-06T02:48:24Z")
> [@Oslo Ostragoth](#): > > The [pickaxe mattock](http://www.capcityequipment.com/gshovels0121.html) would look cool sprouting from someone’s head or sternum. Ooh, I was gonna say that! My meager experience working on trail maintanence in a national park has taught me that those things can slice through soda cans with no trouble. Pulask axes, too - highly useful in all _sorts_ of situations. [This](http://gallery.rei.com/media/656646Prd.jpg)ice-axe look likes it could do a decent job against a zombie. They wouldn’t be particularly practical, but if you’re specifically outfitting yourself to ward off a zombie invasion, [these](http://images.rei.com/media/200243.jpg) could be some fun footware to have around. And by that, I mean they could lead to the bloodiest fight scene ever. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/37 "2005-10-06T04:36:57Z")
Nail-clippers? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/38 "2005-10-06T04:40:23Z")
Actually, the Google links at the bottom of this thread are more than useful in this instance. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/39 "2005-10-06T04:44:52Z")
Obvious, obvious, obvious. **Lumpy.** Make your hero a potter and use [clay tools.](http://www.thehouseofclay.com/P1010020.JPG) ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900/40 "2005-10-06T05:44:32Z")
Perhaps the detached chain from a chain-saw could be used as a flail for a hand-held weapon or a bolo for a thrown weapon. A hefty low-geared gasoline tiller would mangle someone nicely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/edged-tools-that-could-be-used-as-improvised-weapons/324900.md?page=3)