# Effing paper shredder! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 16, 2011, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089 "2011-11-16T03:41:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/21 "2011-11-22T15:03:29Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > “Don’t shred your babies,” sounds like good advice. If anything, I wish there were more devices with this warning label. However, what about using babies to do the shredding? Actually, I think two year-olds probably have the best combination of physical strength and pure, single-minded, wanton destruction. Given sufficient sugar, there’s nothing they can’t shred, and $1500 would buy a lot of cookies. At first, I thought you were suggesting that babies _operate_ the machinery - which is a less good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/22 "2011-11-22T15:36:33Z")
On most shredders I’ve seen there’s a drawing of a tie with a line through it. One of my co-workers–for the purposes of this story, imagine the most miserable, grumpy person you’ve ever worked with, for this was he–once ignored this simple advice. I walked into the copier/shredder room to see him hunched over the shredder. Not only had his tie caught in the shredder, but he had tried to reverse the machine and it had stuck. With grim determination he was flipping the switch back and forth, hoping that the evil shredder would release his tie and he could go back on duty with nobody noticing what he’d done. I tried to explain to him that his tie was going to be mangled and it was a lost cause, so perhaps he should cut his losses, and his tie. No, claimed our antihero, “I’m not going to lose my favorite tie to a machine.” By this time a small crowd had gathered in the copier room, and others were giving the same advice in various ways. Finally one of our take-no-bullshit employees appeared brandishing a large pair of scissors. One snip later, Miserable Employee was wandering around with an extremely short tie. The most amusing thing was that a couple hours later I saw him again, with the tie stub still forlornly wrapped around his neck. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/23 "2011-11-22T18:15:32Z")
Just an update. I managed to free all of the paper with a better quality screwdriver. However, the machine did not work. I tried a little percussive maintencance and got it to go in reverse fr a few seconds before it quit. A little more percussive maintenance helped again but it then quit for good. I concluded that the motor had burned out and since Staples had a sale, the new shredder should arrive later today. Saving up the papers to shred is a VERY BAD idea. When there are a lot of papers, the employees try to shred too many at once. If we shred as we go then we are only doing a few pages at a time. Incidentally, I only have 3 employees so everyone pretty much is going to use the shredder. Based on what I read here, though, I seem to actually be better off treating it as planned obsolescence and dropping a couple of hundred dollars every 2-3 years on a new machine. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/24 "2011-11-22T20:31:39Z")
I’d cut your losses now and find new employees that are actually smart enough to use a paper shredder. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/25 "2011-11-22T23:07:03Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Get a few Labrador retrievers with separation anxiety. One of them can shred an entire couch if given enough time. Mine shredded a kitchen. And then the water pipe into the house. And then his bottle of doggy Prozac, along with several other bottles of prescription and non-prescription people meds. Alas, the medicine did him in. If only I’d started a doggy paper shredding service sooner… But yes, I’d just assume replacing the shredder every couple of years. Cheaper than kibble, or plumbers. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/26 "2011-11-22T23:09:43Z")
Well I thought of using my cats but they’re too busy doing the scans. ---
**Author:** ![lurkedtolong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@lurkedtolong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkedtolong)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/27 "2011-11-23T19:12:07Z")
in our machine shop, we have a cheap 10 page at a time shedder. Once a month or every couple hundred pages, we take one page and spray it down with wd-40 and run it through the shredder. We have also used whale oil (the stuff that CNC machines use) This cheap shredder has lasted since 2001. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/28 "2011-11-24T20:28:12Z")
How about a cage of small rodents? They love shredding. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089/29 "2011-11-24T21:24:39Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > How about a cage of small rodents? They love shredding. Just send them the Rat King’s warehouse. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/effing-paper-shredder/603089.md?page=1)