# eHarmony.com tells me I'm undatable ... huh?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 29, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924 "2003-11-29T17:25:51Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/1 "2003-11-29T17:25:51Z")
About a year ago, I thought I’d check out eHarmony’s claims of accurate computer matchmaking. I visit the site, register, and take a 30 to 45 minute miltiple-choice personality test.
The result? I was considered unsuitable for eHarmony membership. I forgot the exact message, but it implied that I was essentially undateable.
I’m not a wife-beater, axe murderer, cheater, player, or anything like that. I’m trying to figure out what sort of responses or personality traits would make me undateable, at least according to eHarmony. The only things I came up with are …
1. My mild ADD/primary inattentive, and
2. Being politically liberal
Number 2 emerged as a possible thought, only after I started hearing commercials for the service recently on just about every AM talk radio show. Not on FM stations, not as sponsors of All Things Considered on NPR, but rather Rush Limbaugh and the like.
So …is eHarmony rejecting me because of the ADD, or because I’m liberal? Anyone else get the shaft y eHarmony? Are you a leftie, too?
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### Author:  [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/2 "2003-11-29T17:30:14Z")
Do you mean that you didn’t get any matches? I’ve checked them out recently and here’s what usually happens:
You spend about an hour completing their personality profile only to find out afterwards that they have found no matches for you. (I’ve had 4 people I know do this all with the same results). To the best of my knowledge they don’t ask any questions about physical/mental health or political ideology that would enable them to rule you out based on those things.
It’s a marketing gimmick. They tell everyone off the bat that they don’t have any matches, and then slowly over the next few weeks, etc. they start feeding matches to you one at a time, in order to get you to cave in and pay for the service.
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### Author:  [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/3 "2003-11-29T17:56:53Z")
No, I got a downright “sorry, but you’re unacceptable” message.
I found a current copy of the eHarmony rejection text.
> [@](#):
>
> eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into our rigorously defined profiles. If we aren’t able to match a user well using these profiles, the most considerate approach is to inform them early in the process.
>
> We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
>
> Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.
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### Author:  [@gubernator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gubernator)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/4 "2003-11-29T19:24:37Z")
Haha that’s what I got from them, as well. They do say that 20 percent of the people simply don’t make it, so it could be just how their system works.
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### Author:  [@quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quinn)
#### Post date: [November 29, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/5 "2003-11-29T23:54:41Z")
I’m sure you weren’t rejected because you’re politically liberal or even have ADD (having ADD certainly doesn’t prevent someone from being in a relationship). From what I can tell, their system is pretty complex and they probably want to make their numbers look good. I mean, if they reject anyone they think that for whatever reason won’t be easy for them to match, they make their percentage of “successes” seem higher. So, to make a long story short, getting rejected doesn’t mean that you’re completely undatable.
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### Author:  [@Melandry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melandry)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/6 "2003-11-30T00:36:33Z")
Whadda you know, I’m rejected too…
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### Author:  [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/7 "2003-11-30T00:52:17Z")
Take the test and answer the questions with a non-liberal slant and see if you are rejected in the same manner. If it is because you are liberal is this a type of genocide? Can you turn them over to the EEOC?
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### Author:  [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/8 "2003-11-30T01:06:05Z")
Hmm…
it didn’t actually say that I was undateable. It just only managed to find one match for me in 6 months. (And anyone who thought for a second that I would be a match for that guy (who seemed like a perfectly nice guy - but completely and totally wrong for me.) is insane.)
So, while I guess I’m not technically undateable, I’m as-good-as undateable. Same difference.
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### Author:  [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/9 "2003-11-30T01:27:18Z")
Apparently I’m undateable too.
Ha ha you tools, I already have a boyfriend!
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### Author:  [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/10 "2003-11-30T04:02:40Z")
I’m not undateable according to them, but there’s no way I’m giving them money…
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### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/11 "2003-11-30T05:24:10Z")
It certainly isn’t political liberalism that sunk you, **elmwood**. I’ve been on eharmony twice, may go on it again (hmmm…if I’ve been on it three times and still had no “success,” what kind of fool would that make me, though?), consider myself relatively left-leaning, and was never considered “undateable” by them. One of the women I corresponded with from the site, though never dated, was a real bolshie.
I wish I could say why you or **gubernator** or **Melandry** was rejected, but I long ago gave up trying to figure out eharmony. I’ve often called it the “Date Nazi” site, in reference to Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi” character. It’s a good site, but only if you play by their rules, most of which are unwritten. It is seemingly capricious, arbitrary, and downright unfair. There is no way in hell, for example, that I should have received two dozen matches in two months while **amarinth** got one in six months. I am not that big a prize, and I’m sure **amarinth** is–a big prize, I mean.
On the other hand, if I had to go back to a dating site, I’d still go back to eharmony. First off, the male-female ratio is a lot closer to 1:1 than any other site. Second, having fewer matches than the other sites meant that, at the very least, you were more likely to get a reply from someone. Lastly, while I didn’t meet my “soulmate” (argh! I hate that term!), I did go on several lovely dates, and none of the women I met were _really_ unsuitable.
If you truly want to try eharmony again, **elmwood** , go back and answer the questions in a “sensitive man” guise. That’s the only thing I can think of that’s gotten me any matches, not necessarily that I’ve been trying to do it.
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### Author:  [@wendyrules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wendyrules)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/12 "2003-11-30T05:38:48Z")
I did the test and instantly had one match that wanted to get in touch with me. I didn’t of course, because I’m already spoken for - I just wanted to do the personality test. The thing I hate about e.harmony is they still send me emails telling me about all these guys that are “so perfectly matched”…
It’s all just a hoax of some sort I reckon.
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### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/13 "2003-11-30T05:58:41Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by wendyrules \*
> \*\*The thing I hate about e.harmony is they still send me emails telling me about all these guys that are “so perfectly matched”…
>
> It’s all just a hoax of some sort I reckon. \*\*
Aha! So _you’re_ the person who never returned my e-mails! 😃
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### Author:  [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/14 "2003-11-30T06:39:35Z")
Let’s see if I’d be dateable if I were single …
_begins test_
_10 minutes later, still taking test_
Sheesh this thing is long …
Finally done.
It doesn’t say that I’m not dateable but it does say there are no matches. Just as well, considering I’m married 😉
I do want to note that their personality profile is dead on. People oughta sign up just to take it, it’s one of the best personality tests I’ve seen online.
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### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/15 "2003-11-30T07:44:08Z")
Huh. Well, I did the test. I have a match. I’m about as liberal as they come.
I assume it was something else - perhaps when you told them you keep fresh frozen human heads in your freezer?
I dunno.
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### Author:  [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/16 "2003-11-30T13:14:04Z")
I took their test. No matches right away, but a few days later they found one . . .
in Abilene, Texas.
I’m _still_ being spammed by eHarmony every week, offering 3 months for $69.95. I don’t live within commuting distance of Abilene and my name is not Rockefeller, so I pass. ☹
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### Author:  [@wendyrules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wendyrules)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/17 "2003-11-30T13:34:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Duke \*
> \*\*Aha! So _you’re_ the person who never returned my e-mails! 😃 \*\*
OMG Duke… So YOU’RE the one?!! _swoon, swoon_ I just like playing hard-to-get!!! LOL
Sorry for not returning your emails, I guess I was kindah busy posting in forums about the negative side of e.Harmony!! 😃 😉
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### Author:  [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/18 "2003-11-30T14:36:34Z")
**elmwood** , who could think of you as undatable? Obviously someone who has never met you.
There are many, many qualities that I know of that would make you datable. You’re attractive, you’re funny, you’re smart. Good gravy, I’d say them bastards at [eHarmony.com](http://eHarmony.com) just don’t know a good thing when they see it.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/19 "2003-11-30T14:47:07Z")
I don’t think it’s about political liberalism – I’m extremely liberal, and don’t feel like they asked any questions about that one way of the other. I agree with **SnoopyFan** that their personality analysis is pretty dead-on.
I’ve gotten a slew of matches from them – 10 each the first couple of weeks, and then more a couple at a time since, presumably as new guys sign up. Actually met one guy who I liked quite a bit, but it wasn’t mutual – another couple who it petered out at the email phase. I’m in the middle of something with someone from [match.com](http://match.com) right now that I’ve got my fingers crossed on, so I’m not currently pursuing the last couple of matches.
When I went there this morning to check out the latest match, I noted one of the recent matches had put me on hold – “the age difference is too great.” He’s 46, I’m 48 – wtf?
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eharmony-com-tells-me-im-undatable-huh/215924/20 "2003-11-30T14:49:03Z")
Damn, I knew there was something else I wanted to say –
Results may vary based on geography (duh!). I live in the fifth-largest city in the country, so obviously there are going to be a lot more possibles within 25 or 30 miles of me than there would be for someone living out in Iowa somewhere.
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