# Elevator Crap (literally) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 30, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588 "2002-10-30T19:41:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7cd45c/32.png) [@\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Deep_F_ied)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/1 "2002-10-30T19:41:44Z")
First a little backround, then the rant: I work and live in a pleasant community just south of San Jose / Silicon Valley California. My job in microwave measurement test equipment production has many facets. One such facet recquires that certain production units be placed in a temperature controlled enviroment to monitor reliability (referred to as the burn-in process.) The burn-in room is located up stairs in a seperate building than the one in which I do most of my testing. In order to transport units between buildings I must use a large cart. That being said i will begin. YOU SICK DISGUSTING PUTRID PEICE OF HUMAN GARBAGE! You took a shit in the elevator…you dropped your fucking pants and squatted right there in the elevator! what the FUCK were you thinking??? Did you think no one would notice? You couldn’t wait out the minute and a half ride to the second floor? There are nice clean bathrooms no more than thirty feet from the elevator on BOTH floors you filthy flea-bitten rancid fuck-face! HOW DARE YOU! how did you pull it off? It must of taken timing and precision to get out of your pants and squat out that stinking pile of feces that is undoubtably your identical twin and then unsquat and pull your pants up. All in a minute and a half?? And furthermore, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU WIPE WITH?? YOUR HAND?? Did you take some toilet paper with you? Did you draw up blueprints to scale and sit at your desk and plot and plan the best routes? WHAT KIND OF TWISTED FUCK ARE YOU?? I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL YOU BASTARD! …and as an aside- there is only one elevator in the building and the cart is too heavy to carry so I had to ride back down with it too… :mad: ---
**Author:** ![\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7cd45c/32.png) [@\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Deep_F_ied)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/2 "2002-10-30T19:56:20Z")
oops…sorry i am a newbie. fixed my sig… i hope. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/3 "2002-10-30T20:34:51Z")
Maybe the guy before you was riding down and the elevator stopped too quickly… kind of a centrifugal shit. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/4 "2002-10-30T21:05:29Z")
Hey, **Deep Fried** , are we talking Morgan Hill here? I’d hate it to be a Morgan Hillite who was crass enough to dump in the elevator. P.S.: A minute and a half? That’s one slow elevator. ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/5 "2002-10-30T21:31:35Z")
Man. Thats nasty. ---
**Author:** ![panache](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c77e96/32.png) [@panache](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/6 "2002-10-30T22:02:34Z")
the ultimate disrespect of office and coworkers…eeeeeew. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/7 "2002-10-30T22:03:34Z")
I remember back when it was considered rude just to fart on an elevator. Well, at least you guys aren’t fireman. That would be a bummer to hop on the pole and see that waiting for you at the bottom. I wonder who she was? ---
**Author:** ![\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7cd45c/32.png) [@\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Deep_F_ied)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/8 "2002-10-30T22:04:09Z")
Yes Pugluvr it is Morgan Hill. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/9 "2002-10-30T22:10:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Maybe the guy before you was riding down and the elevator stopped too quickly… kind of a centrifugal shit. \*\* Would that actually be an inertial shit? I think he would have to be traveling in a curved path for a centrifugal shit. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/10 "2002-10-30T22:13:14Z")
Nice rant. I have a friend who had to do a weekend in jail for DUI. She was really scared (Cook County Jail) so she had her doctor say that she had emotional problems and needed to be in the hospital ward. Big mistake. She gets there and a woman walks up to her, introduces herself, and takes a steamin’ shit on my friend’s bed. Said friend curled up in the fetal position on the bare tile floor and stayed there until her sentence was over. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/11 "2002-10-30T22:20:38Z")
Could have been worse… could have been an escalator. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/12 "2002-10-30T22:29:32Z")
Doh, you’re right **Revtim**. Centrifugal shits are what I do in my car. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/13 "2002-10-31T00:16:48Z")
I can top that. When my dad’s house was being built, we used to go periodically to see the progress. When it was almost finished, we went in and there was this smell… We finally tracked it down… it was in the bathroom cabinet. Some construction guy had SAT ON THE HOLE WHERE THE SINK WAS GOING TO GO and SHIT DOWN INTO THE CABINET!!! It was really big, too. God that was nasty. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/14 "2002-10-31T00:20:25Z")
**Opal** - WHAT? How!? WHY?!?!! More details! ---
**Author:** ![glarGH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/76d3ee/32.png) [@glarGH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glarGH)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/15 "2002-10-31T00:27:15Z")
OMFG. This is icky. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/16 "2002-10-31T01:05:06Z")
That’s pretty much all of the details. I never heard if he called them or anything. I think my dad cleaned it up. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/17 "2002-10-31T02:34:08Z")
That’s what I’m scared is going to happen if I ever let Stanley Steamer into my house. Ooof, talk about a name with bad connotations. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/18 "2002-10-31T02:47:45Z")
Oh, I don’t know, **lieu** , I’ve heard they take their steamers with them. :: snort :: ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/19 "2002-10-31T02:57:25Z")
I had a friend who took over as director of a large health club. One of the first problems he had to deal with was the fact that staff found piles of feces in the sauna on a fairly regular basis. They couldn’t figure out who was doing it. Finally, he ended up changing the orientation of the cameras that were already installed in the sauna (for safety purposes) and put in a videotape. He discovered who the member was, and terminated their membership. Since the member had recently transferred membership from another branch in a different city, he called their branch director and asked if they’d had the same problem. Sure enough, they had ---- ending about the same time the guy transferred out. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588/20 "2002-10-31T03:16:33Z")
Did they confront the guy? What did he say? Geezz… what a strange thing to do. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elevator-crap-literally/134588.md?page=2)